2025 | Wall Street Memes

Here’s a riddle: how does a non-profit make a profit?

That’s what OpenAI is currently wrestling with. They are now simultaneously the most valued startup in the world at half a trillion dollars, the flagship of the AI boom, but also they haven’t made any money yet. …what a conundrum.

The current roadmap for the company is to spend far beyond its revenue and the question becomes, how?

Well, recently OpenAI’s CFO Sarah Friar said they might find a solution “looking for an ecosystem of banks, private equity, maybe even governmental” partners and that there are many “ways governments can come to bear” which “can really drop the cost of the financing but also increase the loan-to-value, so the amount of debt you can take on top of an equity portion.”

The interviewer asked if that was like a federal subsidy, to which Friar said she meant, “the backstop, the guarantee, that allows the financing to happen.”

OpenAI? More Like Open A Bank Account

Cool, simple, so the American public can foot the bill basically, oh no wait… SCRATCH THAT.

Friar has since walked back her comments in a post on LinkedIn, writing, “I want to clarify my comments earlier today. OpenAI is not seeking a government backstop for our infrastructure commitments.”

“I used the word “backstop” and it muddied the point. As the full clip of my answer shows, I was making the point that American strength in technology will come from building real industrial capacity which requires the private sector and government playing their part.”

Smooth positive pivot there.

“As I said, the US government has been incredibly forward-leaning and has really understood that AI is a national strategic asset.” …Aaand a final pivot to ass-kissing. Stuck the landing, well played PR team.

OpenAI Linkedin post — “3rd”? Sarah, I invited you to my wedding. ACCEPT MY FRIEND REQUEST.

Ah, ok, fine, fine fine. So what is the plan then? Well, OpenAI’s already in talks with Microsoft to help them go public and obviously they’re not short of private interest. So we can only wait and see how that plays out.

But the Friar’s words might be prophetic if, as many fear, the AI bubble does burst we could see a crash like nothing we’ve ever seen and OpenAI would be at the wheel.

Sam Altman has his fingers in so many pies that if the pies explode, then who’s going to save his precious fingers?

It looks like the United States Government of America might just be that finger doctor after all…

What goes up must come down…

Michael Burry, famed investor of the Big Short fame was depicted by famous actor Christian Bale in the famous movie, the Big Short that depicted that one time he shorted the economy, is back with another big short and this time it’s even bigger than the last one.

Burry has bet $1.1 billion dollars in money on Nvidia and Palantir stock falling and then what happens?

BOOM.

7.95 points down. Burry, you’ve done it again you son of a bitch, you’ve reallly done it again.

More Palantir news: Palantir Stock Slumps 12% After Everyone Realizes No One Knows What The Company Does

Burry’s on a rampage on X, posting pictures of Christian Bale, declaring the bubble is about to burst and ringing a big bell screaming “the end is nigh.”

Michael Burry Tweet — Not sure what’s scarier, that face or the graph…

…I think he might be trying to tell us something…

“On Monday, he posted a chart titled “US tech capex [capital expenditure] growth is matching the tech bubble of 1999-2000” and another showing how growth in demand for cloud computing at major tech companies is slowing.”

Cool, cool, cool.

Michael Burry Tweet 2 — I can’t read all that because it’s blurry so I’m just going to assume it’s bad news

Burry Your Head In Your Hands

Tbh he’s not a lone Cassandra for once as many economists are pointing out parallels between now and 2008. Nvidia just capped at a $5 trillion valuation amongst plans to invest in every company. Similarly the US Government has placed big chips on this whole AI thing panning out.

It’s fine, if the bubble pops what’s the government going to do? Shut down? I got news for you sonny jim…

But here’s hoping Micheal is wrong this time (he was wrong two years ago tbf) and our whole economy isn’t doomed to implode in a fiery ball of chaos that makes a couple people rich but does spawn a killer movie.

For more Michael Burry shenanigans, read this: Jim Cramer Removes Michael Burry Mask He’s Been Wearing For Two Years

On January 1st, Zohran Mamdani will be sworn in as the youngest New York City Mayor and the second to have a successful rap career (Rudy Giuliani beatboxed for Run DMC).

M-a-m-d-a-n-i won one million votes and 50% of the vote (over Cuomo’s 42%), double the turnout four years ago and almost one million times the turnout from 400 years ago.

But here’s the problem, the guy’s a freakin’ commie and wants rent freezes, free buses for everyone, workers rights, all that garbage.

High-net-worth New Yorkers are already scouting luxury properties in Palm Beach and Miami, anticipating Mamdani’s tax hikes on the ultra-rich. Miami developers are pitching the area as a “sanctuary city” for fleeing millionaires, with relocation inquiries up 40% in the past week.

Upon accepting the award, the commie, Zohran delivered a commie speech laying out his progressive commie vision for NYC, shouting out brow-beaten workers, a taxi driver he once met, trans people, his wife, and a bunch more people that millionaires are afraid of.

And to Trump specifically, “We can respond to oligarchy and authoritarianism with the strength it fears, not the appeasement it craves. After all, if anyone can show a nation betrayed by Donald Trump how to defeat him, it is the city that gave rise to him. And if there is any way to terrify a despot, it is by dismantling the very conditions that allowed him to accumulate power. This is not only how we stop Trump; it’s how we stop the next one. So Donald Trump, since I know you’re watching, I have four words for you: Turn the volume up.”

Idc how you feel about him, those lines go pretty hard.

Mamdani? More Like, Commie

But for the Republicans shitting enough bricks to build a house right now, don’t worry, Mamdani was born in Uganda. Haha! Never gone-be president now. Unless… if Trump can run for a third term, maybe the rules can be rewritten so a foreigner can run too… But we’re getting very far ahead of ourselves.

Of course, Mamdani isn’t the only reason the pub-os (that’s what I call republicans) are a-quaking in their boots. Republicans were beaten at the ballot box by the likes of Democrats Abigail Spanberger and Mike Sherrill in a big vote of no-confidence in Trump’s presidency.

Trump responded on Truth Social saying, “…AND SO IT BEGINS!” Huh, OK, I guess he’s happy about it. Trump previously threatened to cut funding to New York if Mamdani wins. …can he do that? Wait, maybe the President is a bit too powerful.

For more updates on whether New York will still be standing by the summer, you know there’s only one credible source of information, that’s right: Wall Street Memes Dot Company.

How did the CEO of Reddit become a billionaire? What? How do you think? He’s the CEO of Reddit. That’s such a stupid question. You think the 7th most visited site on the internet just doesn’t make money? (Shut up, Wikipedia, I’m not talking about you.)

Look, it’s very easy, all you have to do is pitch “the front page of the internet” to investors with your college roommate in 2007, win a $12,000 grant, write the code in 20 days, gain another 100,000 dot-com-boom-dollars from investors, sell within 16 months for $10 million, quit, come back, turn the company around and then announce an earnings of $1.2 billion and a $38 billion market cap just last Thursday and BOOM, two decades later, you’re a billionaire.

It’s simple, really.

But yeah, that’s the story of Steve Huffman, who really played the long game on this one. Let’s hope he didn’t need that money for anything important.

We’re on Reddit. It’s just a thread of everyone calling us a scam, but still…

Now Huffman will join the prestigious club of the 3,028 billionaires in the world who just so happened to be the same 3,028 people on my own personal list of people who’ll be the first with their backs up against the wall when the revolution comes.

Damn, Huffman, maybe you should think long and hard about whether you actually want to be a part of this club… Anyway, what was I saying, oh yeah:

Reddit CEO billionaire hare and tortoise — I found this picture online and jesus christ it’s cursed.

The hare and the tortoise is a classic fable about the virtue of patience over prowess, even though that’s terrible advice for a race. Reddit CEO Steve Huffman is not the only billionaire tortoise, and many other richies have similar bedtime stories to tell.

Nvidia’s Jensen Huang also took two decades to secure his fortune, Netflix-guy Reed Hastings waited a similar timeframe for his winnings, and Figma CEO Dylan Field took a risk dropping out of college in 2012 but now he’s worth $5 billion dollars in US money.

It just goes to show that if you’re not rich now it’s not because you’re lazy, stupid and unoriginal it’s just because you’re playing the long game too.

Who knows? Maybe in a couple decades we’ll both be sitting in the club and we’ll see each other across the room and we won’t say anything, we’ll just smile, give a little nod and raise a glass.

The richest man in the world, Elon Musk, has just put his money towards the good cause of reshaping reality in his image in the form of ‘Grokipedia’. I’m reading it now, and you know what? I never knew this Elon fellow was such a nice man, but if an encyclopedia says he is, then I suppose he must be.

On the AI-powered site, Musk is painted as a noble philanthropist, changing the world for the better, fighting the good fight for free speech against the woke mind virus. At one point, Grok explains that, “Musk’s family dynamics reflect a decentralized structure across multiple households.” I guess that’s crypto-speak for ‘shitty dad’.

For the entry on Tesla’s Cybertruck (which doesn’t come up in the search when you type ‘cyber truck’ but I guess that’s my fault) Grok says that all the haters can shut up because “empirical delivery data shows sustained demand post-issues.” And that’s just a blatant lie. Cybertruck sales have bombed, sir.

January 6th was just a riot, Trump has no conflicts of interest, up is down and I don’t have a crippling fear of commitment. Maybe you should check some of those facts on Wikipedia… Oh, wait, you did?

ELDR; Elon, Didn’t Read…

Obviously, this is a response to Wikipedia, which Elon thinks is too woke, but Grok has copied the name, the logo font, and even whole articles word-for-word from the open-source encyclopedia. That’s bad, but it’s better than when it doesn’t copy and just makes shit up.

Also, if this is supposed to be a Wikipedia competitor, you would have thought it would operate the same, if not better, than the orig. But no, the search is clunky, there are no internal links to other articles (which is the fun part of Wikipedia), and there’s not even an entry for ‘beans’, so why bother?

A Wikipedia Foundation spokesperson responded to this response by saying, “Unlike newer projects, Wikipedia’s strengths are clear.” And founder Jimmy Wales said in a recent interview, “The day he said ‘defund Wikipedia’ we had a massive surge of donations, so I’m like, well, bring it, Elon.” Yeah, I don’t think they’re worried.

Elon Musk Grokipedia Tweet — I mean, if you’re collecting all knowledge, you might as well start by collecting all of Wikipedia…

The point remains, who is this for other than diehard Elon heads (that’s what they’re called, right?) and Musk himself. Well, the defective product isn’t really the point, like all of Musk’s defective products, it’s about messaging.

Elon imagines a technologically progressive but socially conservative future where the self-driving cars are shiny, the genders are binary, and Elon has total authority.

Grokipedia is an expression of that future. It’s not a product, it’s barely a proof of concept, what it is a piece of desperate propaganda that quietly screams, “THE MINISTRY OF TRUTH IS BEING BUILT AND ELON MUSK IS ITS ARCHITECT!”

Yep, the Amazon corp just got a 5% stock boost from the announcement that OpenAI will access hundreds of thousands of Nvidia graphics cards through its cloud computing service.

It seems that no one got the memo that this is the same cloud computing service (AWS) that shut down the entire internet just a few weeks ago.

The deal is just one of many that OpenAI made recently. $300 billion with Oracle. $22 billion with CoreWave. Plue the ink’s only just dried on agreements with Broadcom, AMD, Nvidia and my mate Nigel who has a basement that they can use if Sharon kicks them out again.

And it looks like OpenAI might need it soon because lady and gentleman, the bubble is at a-bursting point.

Nvidia just topped $5 trillion. OpenAI is about to be worth $1 trillion with barely any revenue (but hey, they are a non-profit). And everyone’s getting into bed with each other, assuring that if one drowns, they all drown (not sure why the bed’s in the ocean, but here we are).

Maybe at least one of those data points will change soon however as OpenAI have started to work with Microsoft to see if they can change to a for-profit.

Let’s just see how all this pans out…

CEO of America, Donald Trump, was recently asked whether he had any idea who now-pardoned crypto-mogul Changpeng Zhao was. Trump replied that he had “no idea who he is.” He does, however, know what a horse, a giraffe and an elephant are.

That same reporter then reached out to CZ about whether he had heard of Donald Trump, to which he replied, “What? Yeah, of course. What do you mean? Of course, I’ve heard of him, he’s like the most famous man in the world. He pardoned me. Why wouldn’t I have heard of him? What are you talking about? Are you a real journalist? What is wrong with you??!”

Do YOU know who Changpeng Zhao is??

If you didn’t hear about it, Changpeng Zhao (AKA CZ, BI-Guy, or Peng-Boy as I like to call him) founded the most used crypto exchange, Binance, but served three months in prison and was banned from working in crypto for money laundering in 2023.

BUT THEN, plot twist, Donald Jesus Trump descended from heaven and granted the 21st richest person in the world a miracle: a royal pardon to go back to work in the crypto world.

BUT THEN, plot twist, Norah O’Donnell asked Trump on 60 Minutes why he pardoned him and Trump replied, “OK, are you ready? I don’t know who he is.”

Cool, cool, cool.

Changpeng Zhao police lineup — And can you point to the man you pardoned?

Trump did say CZ was a businessman victim of Biden’s witch hunt and went on to say how he supported cryptocurrencies.

All of this seems to say that CZ’s pardon has nothing to do with a sense of what is right and wrong, but an olive branch to the crypto world and a signal that Trump is soft on crypto regulation.

What did you think, this wasn’t politics? Hold on, drink a glass of milk before I tell you this: it’s all been politics this whole time.

As White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt explained when the pardon happened, Trump had “exercised his constitutional authority by issuing a pardon for Mr. Zhao, who was prosecuted by the Biden Administration in their war on cryptocurrency.”

But is it him executing his constitutional authority if he doesn’t know who he’s signing off? Or is this someone carefully guiding grandpa’s pen over the documents and executing their constitutional authority?

For more on this story: Trump Pardons Binance Co-Founder Changpeng Zhao For Some Reason

President Donald Jesus Trump just hopped, skipped and jumped his way to a positive meeting with China CEO, Xi JinPing, the first one in six years, meaning maybe MAYBE I can start affording my Alibaba jeggings again.

The talks in South Korea went “amazing” despite months of escalating tariffs, rhetoric and jegging costs.

So what is this big deal then? Well, it’s a secret.

Oh, ok… can we see it? No.

It’s a secret.

Right, ok, so there wasn’t actually an agreement from the talks yet BUT we’ve got high hopes. This is a step forward after all. Potentially it might still take months to actually put together a deal.

That’s just not good enough. I NEED MY JEGGINGS!!!

Trump China Trade Deal 2020 — Not sure what they’re signing here, then. Also, Trump’s looking pretty good in this pic. Hey, what’s Mike Pence doing there… oh wait, this is from 2020, never mind…

Crucially though we’ve got a rare earth expert control measure pause on rare earth material exports so that’s good but do you know what’s not made of rare earths? …mygoddamjeggings.

Don’t know what I’m on about? Read this one: Trump Demands China Stop Hogging Rare Earth Minerals, “They Wouldn’t Be So Rare If You Just Shared”

Also, China’s going to buy a “tremendous amounts of soybeans and other farm products” says Trump. Like, okeee… Why should I care about soybeans? I don’t eat soybeans. I DON’T CARE ABOUT SOYBEANS I WANT MY JEGGINGS!!!

According to the BBC, “US Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent later told Fox Business that China had agreed to buy 12 million metric tonnes of soybeans this season, and would follow that up with a minimum of 25 million tonnes per year for the next three years.” SHUT UP ABOUT SOYBEANS!!!!

But Trunp’s bringing down tariffs. That’s a start. Ok, that’s a start.

China, China, China, China

Who’s to say, though? This feels like a ceasefire, and we all know that ceasefires don’t really mean anything if everyone keeps shooting.

We’ll have to wait and see whether Trump’s hardball tariff swinging match will pay off or whether he’s just nuked the whole economy irreparably.

Stay tuned to find out!

For more on this story, click here: Trump’s Tariffs Take Effect TODAY Explaining Why My Jeggings Haven’t Arrived Even Though I Ticked Next Day Delivery

These goddam kids. You aren’t drinking. You aren’t clubbing. YOU AREN’T EATING CHIPOTLE???!! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU!””!??!??!??

Chipotle has avocados. Chipotle’s famous for it’s avocados. You should love it there. But ohhhhhh, no, you just want to do your stupid TikTOKs and eat beans at home.

Chipotle stock (CMG) is down 19%, thanks to you. This is the third quarter in a row that Chipotle’s had to cut its sales outlook, you idiots. Are you happy?

As Head Chipote, Scott Boatwright explained, “A particularly challenged cohort is the 25- to 35-year-old age group.”

“This group is facing several headwinds,” the CEO said on a call with analysts, “including unemployment, increased due loan repayment and slower real wage growth.”

And that’s the thing, Chipotle aims squarely at that demographic. They will literally kick you out of the restaurant if you’re under 25. I know, I’ve tried.

Why do you think they had all those memes about Chipotle? You think that was for fun? No, that was a psy-op. That was marketing. AND YOU’VE ALL STOPPED FALLING FOR IT YOU DOUCES!!

cHIPOTLE meme — We are LOSING the ancient texts.

Yes, unemployment is up to 9.2% at the moment, yes, no one can afford a house, let alone Chipotle, BUT I DON’T GIVE A STEAMING CRAP. I want you out there eating those hot and sweaty burritos IF IT KILLS YOU.

Now, i don’t want any more excuses. Steal your mum’s credit card, rob the louvre, I don’t care, I will not have my precious CHIPTOLE die because of this.

You better do a GameStop and turn this thing around or so help my god.

For more food related stonks, read this: Elon Branches Out In Fast Food, Tesla Stock Tumbles

It’s OK, Masa, you can cry, let those tears out…

So it turns out that Japanese investment company SoftBank was once the largest shareholder in Nvidia, the company that just topped a $5 trillion valuation in what experts are calling the biggest L in finance history.

Back in 2017, SoftBank’s Vision Fund acquired a 4.9% stake in Nvidia, becoming one of the company’s largest shareholders. But in 2019 they sold their entire position for $3.3 billion just moments before the AI boom.

Now that 4.9% would be worth a fat $250 billion dollars USD.

SoftBank Nvidia investment tweet — Those are some very expensive tears…

CEO Masayoshi Son called Nvidia “the fish that got away” (more like ‘whale’) and was seen in November crying on stage with Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang.

Masa desperately tried to Ctrl-Z the decision in August this year, reacquiring a 01% stake in Nvidia as a show of faith in their AI investment.

For more bros taking big ‘L’s, read this: Bitcoin Reaches ATH, Pizza Now Worth $1bn

SoftBank Is Going Hard On AI

SoftBank doubled down on its AI bet in the same month when it announced plans to pump $2bn dollars of money into struggling chip maker, Intel along with the government for some reason.

SoftBank paid $23 per share, a vote of confidence that Trump will commit to helping out Intel, which is the only chip manufacturer on American soil other than Lays.

Intel has seen slumping stocks for years now after failing to keep up with the AI boom and foreign chip manufacturers. Both these deals and the resulting stock boost could mean a comeback for the former chip-king. Hell, I’d let Intel come inside me any day. What?

Likewise, back in January, SoftBank teamed up with OpenAI, Oracle and MGX to say that they would commit to building $500bn of AI infrastructure across the country. Little is known about project ‘Stargate’, but investors close to the companies say that Softbank is building the legs, MGX has funded construction of the arms and OpenAI is working on the head. When combined, all elements together will have the fighting prowess of a mighty lion.

Stargate is the brainchild of OpenAI CEO Sam Altman who claimed to have come up with the idea when flipping through channels. Reruns of 90s sci-fi shows and 80s cartoons then merged together for him in a dream.

SoftBank Rumored To Be Funding Giant Voltron Robot

“I woke up and thought, ‘What if we could create a real Voltron, but powered by the most advanced AI in the world?’ But obviously, I couldn’t call it that for copyright reasons,” Altman said in a statement. “And that’s how Stargate was born. Just don’t ask how I got the name.”

According to plans for Stargate, the massive robot will stand over 100 feet tall, weigh over 1,000 tons, and can wield various weapons. Why it would need to do this, however, remains an open question.

“Stargate will be the most powerful robot ever created,” continued Altman. “Maybe even more powerful than God.”

The project was announced alongside Turnip’s inauguration in what he called, “A resounding declaration of confidence in America’s potential.” I.e. he doesn’t know what AI does.

Other billionaire, Elon Musk clapped back at the project on the social media platform formerly known as Prince, saying, “They don’t actually have the money. Softbank has well under $10bn secured. I have that on good authority.” Sure you do. “Plus, Voltron was never as cool as Transformers.”

Altman then retorted, “Wrong, as you surely know. Voltron could beat any transformer in a fight, I’ll show you!” The post included a linked video of Altman smashing an Optimus Prime plastic toy with a Voltron figure.

This rivalry is the latest episode in an ongoing spat that began when the two men helped found OpenAI and then fought for control of the company. They should probably just f*** and get it over with.

Following Musk’s announcement that he intends to build a Grok-powered Transformer, it now seems more likely that this dispute will play out in an epic, kaiju-style fight that will wreak untold destruction on metropolises across the US.

For more fake news, keep locked at Wall Street Memes Dot Company.