Pen Smith | Wall Street Memes

X CEO and ex-DOGE, Elon Musk, has announced a plan to form a new political party, named the America Party, after Miley Cyrus’ 2018 hit, ‘Party In The U.S.A.’

Should the plan go ahead and not just be another one of Musk’s pesky jokes, the party will have to take on the dominating two parties of the Democratic Republicans and the Republican Democrats.

However, Musk’s best friend-turned-arch-nemesis, Donald Trump, has hit back, saying, “It’s ridiculous to start a third party. It’s always been a two-party system, and I think starting a third party just adds to the confusion.” Trump did not explain how having only two parties was already confusing.

As if to make fun of Musk, Trump has formed the ‘South Africa Party’ and plans to run for the position of ‘King of South Africa’ so he can legally deport Musk “back home”.

This whole spat began when Musk became a public critic of Trump’s financial plan to add more money to the national debt. The argument became ugly quickly and has escalated recently to Musk’s new rival party.

Writing on X, Musk said, “You want a new political party and you shall have it! When it comes to bankrupting our country with waste and graft, we live in a one-party system, not a democracy. Today, the America Party is formed to give you back your freedom.”

Whether Elon actually has a challenge against the current system remains to be seen. Either way, the billionaire will have an uphill battle. Independents have rarely had much sway in elections, only succeeding to chip off a few votes from their closest competitors.

Other countries show that a multi-party system is not impossible, even though it comes with its own issues. And on paper, America is a multi-party system, but in practice, Washington seems too calcified into its current birary form to change any time soon.

Musk’s political ambitions seemed inextricably tied to Trump until only a few weeks ago so it seems unlikely that he would do any better than Kanye West as a political candidate. What’s more, as a South African native, Musk is ineligible to run for President. This means that he would have to select someone else to be his candidate, someone who is unlikely to have more clout than Musk.

Elon seems set to sink a lot of capital and time into this project without a clear payoff on the cards. Musk may only succeed in frustrating shareholders and news enjoyers with his zany antics.

In other words, maybe Musk should turn self-driving back on and stay in his lane.

For more on this story, read this: Crying America Begs Mommy And Daddy To Stop Fighting

The United States of Canada (remember them?) has repealed its tech-attacking tax bill in a desperate attempt to appease its almighty god south of the border.

Whilst last-minute pull-outs are not normally effective, it seems that the withdrawal method worked this time as Trump has agreed to restart trade talks.

The digital services tax (AKA DST, AKA Don’t Say ‘Trade’, AKA Donald Shit-the-bed Trump) would have taxed the US tech big boys, Amazon, Meta, Google, Apple, MySpace and whoever runs KnowYourMeme.com, a WHOPPING 3% of earnings over $20m.

This light tickle to the biggest companies in the godamn world apparently caused a massive sneeze for Trump, who balked at the ta,x calling it a “blatant attack” and “egregious” and “economically we have such power over Canada”. Trump then proved it by playing his signature move: TARIFFS!

In a statement, Canada’s finance minister, a man with the Frenchest name you ever heard, François-Philippe Champagne, said, “The DST was announced in 2020 to address the fact that many large technology companies operating in Canada may not otherwise pay tax on revenues generated from Canadians.” Huh, maybe this DST doesn’t sound like the worst idea.

Despite Canada’s new leader, Mark Carney, declaring financial independence from America, Trump’s backlash to the backlash worked and Canadia came a crawling back.

Anyone who knows Canada isn’t surprised and potentially Trump was relying on his polite neighbors to cave first with 26,000 sorries and an apology hamper of maple syrup, bacon, and free prescription drugs.

Now both parties say they will agree to new trade terms by 21 July. We’ll see.

For more Canada news, click here: IMPROBABLE: Canada Also Has Political News

President Donald Trump is tipped to be the first recipient of the newly created ‘Nobel War Prize’, following his attacks on an Iranian nuclear facility, potentially escalating a tense situation into full-scale war.

Whilst Trump had hoped to receive the Nobel Prize for peace, he is said to be happy with this alternative.

“It’s not what we wanted, but we’ll take it, sure,” said Trump when asked about his new accolade. “I mean, war is war, peace is peace, and either way, we’re the best at it. No one does war like America. We do it well, so well. I think they were right to give us this award. We are very good at it.”

Previously, President Barack Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for some reason, and Trump is said to have coveted the award since then, working hard to achieve peace in Korea, Russia, and Canada, all in an effort to one-up his former rival.

“Some say it’s better than the peace prize, though, I don’t know about that, but war’s harder, isn’t it? I would say war is harder, so I think it’s the harder prize to win.”

The Nobel Prize Organization will award Trump the accolade in November, if the world still exists by that point.

The organization’s official statement reads, “Donald J. Trump will be the first recipient of the Nobel War Prize 2025 for his extraordinary efforts to sow global distrust and escalate tensions between peoples.”

The award seems to be in direct response to Trump’s bunker-buster-bombing of Iran’s nuclear facilities, throwing the US headfirst into a conflict that former Presidents were desperate to stay out of. Iran has vowed retaliation, although probs not in the nuclear kind now, lol.

Mere days after the attack, Pakistan said that it would nominate Trump for the Nobel Peace Prize for helping to negotiate a ceasefire with India. Read the room, guys.

For more on this story, click here: Iran Frantically Reading Art Of The Deal Ahead Of Trump Negotiations

President Donald Trump has declared war on Jeff, citing Jeff’s potential ownership of up to ten nuclear weapons.

Who precisely Jeff is and why he personally owns so many nuclear weapons remains unclear, but analysts suggest that he might be none other than Amazon CEO, Jeff Bezos. Bezos has been famously stockpiling Blue Origin rockets any one of which could be of the nuclear variety, who’s to say?

Jeff nukes — Technically, we all have <10 nukes. I guess there were too many names to fit on the graph, though.

“I’ve always said,” explained Trump when questioned by reporters in the Oval Office, “No one should have more than one nuclear weapon, maybe two. And this Jeff guy, whoever he is, I don’t know the guy, but I don’t think he should have nukes.”

“China has nukes, we have nukes, but Jeff? He shouldn’t have nukes. Really nasty piece of work.” Trump then went on to explain that although he does not know who exactly this ‘nuclear Jeff’ is he has declared war on him and all other Jeffs just to be sure.

This war on all Jeffs would therefore include Jeffrey Bezos, Jeff Goldblum, Jeff Bridges, Jeffrey Joseph Canderston, and even my new neighbor Jeff, who, to be fair, could be harboring nukes in his basement. I just don’t trust that guy.

Trump has said the NSA has gathered the locations of all Jeffs, Jeffreys, and Geoffs, and he will launch a preemptive nuclear strike on every single Jeff on the planet. And then just to be sure, he’ll follow it up with a drone strike. Just to be sure. Seems reasonable.

Jeff 21 Jump Street — Readers are advised to avoid saying, “My name Jeff,” for the time being.

Experts familiar with Jeff, however, point out that Jeff is perhaps more likely referring to JEFF, the Joint Evaluated Fission and Fusion File. This refers to a data library on nuclear weapons kept by the OECD Nuclear Agency (NEA). Potentially, the data for CNN’s graph was mislabeled and misattributed around 10 nukes to JEFF.

The Jeff gaff was made over a year ago and was memed back then, but recently the joke recirculated on X due to Iran’s nuclear proliferation re-entering the news.

But are we going to believe that? No. I don’t trust a Jeff as far as I can throw one, so I say, let’s nuke ‘em. Just to be sure.

For more Jeff, click here: Jeff Bezos Postpones Plan To Flee Earth

President Donald Trump has once again extended the deadline for TikTok to be sold to an American company, citing a backlog of videos deemed “certified bangers” that “the world needs to see.”

“We’re going to extend the ban. There won’t be a ban for now,” Trump explained to reporters aboard Air Force One. “I’ve got too many videos, great videos, beautiful videos, you’re going to love them, and they’re all backed up just waiting in my drafts folder.”

“I showed them to JD, and he loves them, and he says I have to post them. But I said, JD, I can’t post them, I have to ban this CHIna app, this app from CHIna. And he said you could just post them all now, and I said, but JD, you can post them all at once, you’ll get delisted, but he doesn’t know.”

“You have to stagger them, JD. He doesn’t know about the stagger. I invented that, the stagger, I call it. You have to post daily if you want traction. You have to have traction; it’s all about the traction. So I said OK, I’ll delay. I’ll extend the deadline. It’s done. And now you will all get to see these beautiful videos. And you’re going to love them.”

Insiders close to the president have suggested that Trump’s TikToks are predominantly AI-generated videos of Trump wrestling foreign leaders and videos of “little monsters made of fruit who enjoy eating goop and slime”.

Joe Biden signed into law the bill insisting the app be sold or banned and congress still remains in support of the ban, but they would, wouldn’t they because none of them have a killer drafts folder with some top-notch AI-goop-monster vids.

During Trump’s first term, the President was apparently anti the Tok but has since u-turned on that opinion after realising that there are voters on TikTok too.

Some analysts suggest that this is another example of TACO Trump and the ban could potentially be perpetually extended indefinitely forever.

If Trump wants to be popular he should ban Facebook. Go on, do it you coward.

Trump’s extension of the ban also gives @wallstmemesofficial time to get their content off the ground because it’s just gathering dust and I know, I’ll get round to it, I’ve just got a lot on my plate and I really need more time. I NEED MORE TIME!!!

For some probably-now-very-out-of-date jokes on this story, click here: TikTok’s Time’s Ticking

Reportedly, Iran is prepping for their upcoming negotiation with President Trump by frantically studying Trump’s 1987 business book, ‘The Art of the Deal’.

“There’s some really good stuff in there,” explained Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Hosseini Khamenei whilst desperately flicking through the pages. “I’m currently on the chapter about ‘hard selling’ and it’s really illuminating. They say if you want to know your enemies, you must think like your enemies.”

Iran’s plan is that by reading Trump’s ghost-written book, they will learn the insides and the outsides of Trump’s mind. By studying his techniques, Iran might know Trump’s weaknesses in order to manipulate him during negotiations towards evil.

On the other hand, Israeli President Benjamin Netanyahu has been spotted bingeing old episodes of The Apprentice.

“There’s some really good stuff in there,” explained Netanyahu whilst desperately fast forwarding through the show. “I’m currently on the episode where Meat Loaf gets fired, and it’s really illuminating. They say if you want to know your friends, you must think like Meat Loaf.”

President Trump left the G7 summit in Canada early this week in order to return to Washington and deal with those meanies over in the Middle East.

Despite being a long-time ally with Israel, Trump’s primary allegiance is to American national interests, and with Israel continuing further and further into pariah state territory, it is unclear how long Trump and Bibi can remain besties.

But Trump never liked Iran for some reason and since he was a child has rallied against them gaining nuclear weapons. But then again he pulled out of the Iran nuclear deal so you know what, I don’t get it, it’s confusing, it’s complicated, and there are a lot of moving pieces.

Maybe studying the Art of the Deal is the best way to know what’s going on…

For more garbage, click here: Israel-Hezbollah Ceasefire Leaves Thousands Confused, ‘Which War Is Over?’

The world is still irradiated from the fallout of Elon Musk’s “really big bomb” dropped on Friday, saying that Donald Trump “is in the Epstein files. That is the real reason they have not been made public.” Which is weirdly becoming Musk’s go-to comeback.

Musk trump beef epstein tweet — But who hasn’t had a toxic ex accuse them of being a paedophile?

But now Musk has rescinded his words, X’ing, “I regret some of my posts about President @realDonaldTrump last week. They went too far.” he has deleted the original Tweet-shit-‘X’, and given a formal explanation for the accusation.

Musk trump beef apology tweet — These will be ancient texts future historians will pore over. Poor bastards.

“I mistyped,” explained Musk. “Obviously, I meant to say Ronald Prump is in the Epstein files. He’s a completely different person who has no relation to Donald Trump. It was an honest mistake.”

Musk Frames Prump

Reportedly, federal agents tracked down a Mr. Ronald Prump in Wausau, Wisconsin, and coordinated a full-scale SWAT operation on his property. In the raid, officers arrested the individual, seized over 4GB of personal computer data, and accidentally shot his dog.

Mr. Prump is currently detained and awaiting trial.

“It’s not every day that you get to catch a big fish like this,” explained an officer involved in the raid. “But this Prump fella’s the worst of the worst. Big time pedo. We got a tip off that goes all the way to the top, so you know it’s legit.”

Mr. Prump’s lawyer denies all exculpations: “The only Epstein my client knows is his Epstein EcoTank ET-4810 A4 Colour Multifunction Inkjet Printer, C11CK57401.”

For those of you living under a rock where it’s warm and quiet and you don’t have to hear about any of this, the Epstein files (AKA the (se)X-files, AKA the pedo-files) are a collection of documents relating to ex-sex-pest J. Epstein, potentially listing numerous high profile individuals involved in his crimes.

The release of these files could potentially reveal irrefutably that Donald Trump was in cahoots with Epstein in a way that evidence like photographs, videos, flight logs, and public statements declaring their friendship never could.

For more on this story, click here: Trump Wins Custody Of Joe Rogan In Divorce With Musk

LOS ANGELES, CA — The Palestinian Authority has announced plans to send aid to parts of LA in an effort to help ease growing unrest and conflict.

“We took one look at the state of things and knew they needed help more than we do,” explained General Al-Khatib. “It’s a civil war over there, and something needs to be done. People are getting hurt.”

Upon seeing Palestinian flags in the protest, the Hamas government has reached out to Governor Gavin Newsom to offer support.

“Whilst we don’t negotiate with terrorists,” said Newsom, “We will accept their free stuff if they’re offering.”

The rioting began last week after protests against immigration deportations spiraled out of control. The protesters/rioters (depending on which side of the fence you’re on) are reported to have been looting and burning self-driving cars that were not programmed to handle this kind of situation.

President Trump has sent in the National Guard, but then they got a bit too excited so now he’s had to send in the Marines to fight off the National Guard. Reportedly, the Coast Guard, the ASPCA, and Space Force are on high alert.

…Just as an aside, ‘President Trump sends National Guard to LA to stop rioters burning self driving cars’ is a headline you’d see scroll through the background of some shitty sci-fi movie, not an actual reality we’d have to live through, but here we are…

Speaking of worst timelines, I’ll let ChatGPT finish the rest of this article because honestly, just cba with all this:

Meanwhile, the Palestinian aid convoy—comprised of surplus UN trucks, a DJ booth, and crates of za’atar-flavored MREs—has successfully landed at LAX Terminal 5. Early footage shows one truck being immediately looted by UCLA students who mistook it for a food truck activation.

General Al-Khatib, speaking from a makeshift command tent outside Erewhon, clarified that the mission was “strictly humanitarian,” although he did admit to being “a little curious” about how oat milk costs $14.

The Coalition Grows

Inspired by Palestine’s bold intervention, several other groups have announced similar plans to assist LA:

Vatican City has pledged three priests, a rosary drone, and a pallet of holy sparkling water.
North Korea offered one nuke and a mixtape.
The Swiss, staying neutral, have launched a hotline for therapy appointments priced in gold.

Meanwhile, Qatar Airways announced a direct humanitarian flight into Burbank, filled with influencers, conflict photographers, and at least one camel named “Peaceboy.”

A Tale of Two Californias

Governor Newsom, still in a Patagonia vest and surrounded by a ring light, held a press conference beneath the Hollywood sign (which now reads just “HOOD” after being partially torched by rioters).

“California welcomes all peaceful aid,” Newsom said. “We’re building back better—with help from literally anyone who can spare a drone or a decent WiFi connection.”

When asked about the Trump administration’s role in the chaos, Newsom replied, “At this point, I’d rather be governed by a sentient Roomba.”

Wall Street’s Take

Markets initially dipped on the news before violently rebounding after rumors surfaced that Ray Dalio was planning to go long on LA anarchy futures. Robinhood briefly listed a new ETF: $RIOTX, tracking social unrest, meme stock activity, and used Tesla prices.

Jim Cramer screamed “BUY EVERYTHING” before being tranquilized live on-air.

What Now?

At press time, the Palestinian convoy had successfully set up a “conflict resolution booth” outside a Trader Joe’s in Silver Lake. Early reports indicate that a ceasefire was temporarily achieved when both rioters and National Guard soldiers stopped to enjoy free hummus and freestyle poetry readings.

As the situation continues to unravel with all the dignity of a crypto investor’s Twitter feed, one thing is clear: LA may be down, but it’s not out. And with a little help from Palestine, maybe—just maybe—it’ll make it to Q3.

…There you go, was that fun for you? Did you have fun? Sure you did, things you recognise in unusual contexts is always fun.

For more garbage, click here: Trump Announces New Golf Course

President Donald ‘Jesus’ Trump has officially won full custody of Joe Rogan following his unexpected divorce from tech-dabbler and part-time Mars enthusiast, Elon Musk.

The highly publicized breakup, sparked by a heated argument over Trump’s ‘Big Beautiful Bill’, concluded with Trump emerging victorious in the battle for podcast visitation rights, NFT revenue splits, and one (1) human MMA commentator.

“He’s A Good Boy. He Loves Me More.”

At a joint press conference held beside the smoking wreckage of Trump’s old Tesla, the president confirmed that Joe Rogan, the human kettlebell and absence-of-thought-provoking bro-phet, would be “living with Daddy Donald full time.”

“Look, Joe needs a strong male role model who can teach him about winning,” said Trump. “Elon’s weak. He’s a weak man. I thought I liked Elon, but then he was mean, very mean, you can’t be mean and be a good parent to little Joe.”

Rogan, seen shirtless and oiled up in the background next to Alex Jones and a live elk, declined to comment but nodded aggressively while doing kettlebell swings and microdosing.

[NB: The preceding paragraph has been selected for preservation in the ‘Museum of Paragraphs That Would Send a Victorian Child Into A Coma’]

The Trump Musk Settlement: A Breakdown

According to leaked documents (posted on 4chan, confirmed on Substack, and denounced by Fox News for not being angry enough), the divorce terms are as follows:

Joe Rogan: Sole custody awarded to Trump.
Neuralink prototype nicknamed “Brain Daddy”: Goes to Joe Rogan for future guest testing.
The phrase “Alpha Male”: Joint custody, but must be used in alternating podcast appearances.

Musk took to X (formerly known as ‘relevant’) to express his feelings.

“I will respect the court’s decision, though it was clearly made by NPCs running on outdated firmware. I’ll just build another Joe Rogan using Tesla Bot v3.14. This one’s going to do jiu-jitsu and run a $10B SPAC.”

Bro Custody: A New Legal Frontier

Legal experts (none of whom passed the bar but all of whom have watched Suits) say this case sets a dangerous precedent for celebrity bromances.

“This is the first time in U.S. history that a man has won legal custody of a podcast host,” said Dr. Chadston Gains, professor of Meme Law at the University of Reddit. “We may see more cases like this, especially if Jordan Peterson and Ben Shapiro ever settle who gets to not keep Andrew Tate.”

Trump Gains, Musk Lames

While the dust settles, Rogan’s podcast has already been renamed “The Trump Experience”, with new segments like “Peak Testosterone Tuesdays” and a daily Alpha Index comparing Putin to various brands of blenders.

Insiders say upcoming guests include Eric Trump discussing DMT, Kanye West debating with ChatGPT-4.5, and Hunter Biden arm-wrestling Candace Owens over a barrel of pre-workout.

In the words of Trump, “Joe’s in good hands. We’re going to make podcasts great again.”

Just like everyone else, Wall Street Memes Dot Com predicted this breakup way back in November last year. Click here to read more: Trump Officially Files For Divorce From Elon Musk

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who liked to cause all sorts of mischief and had a lot of fun playing tricks on the people around him.

Those fun tricks meant that everyone talked about the boy so that he became very famous, and then, when everyone needed someone to be in charge of the largest economy in the whole wide world, they chose the little boy.

One day, during a very boring economics briefing, the little boy decided to play a little trick. Suddenly, he shouted, “125% tariffs!”

Everybody jumped up, and all the markets started to panic, and a lot of people started to talk about these very big tariffs.

But when they came to see the naughty little boy and ask about the tariffs, he put a 90-day pause on all the tariffs.

Everybody told the little boy not to yell tariffs if there weren’t any tariffs, and the little boy said he wouldn’t, so then everybody went back to their lives.

But then the next day, it seemed that no one was paying the little boy any attention and had forgotten he was very powerful and that the tariffs were a really good idea actually. So then, once again, he cried, “Tariff! Tariff!” and once again, everyone came running and the markets went crashing down and everyone set their prices very high.

Once again, however, when they came to see the little boy, he said he had reduced retaliatory tariffs down to just 10% so that there were barely any tariffs at all.

So then everyone went back to their lives and tried to get a good night’s sleep and pretend that they had never heard the word ‘tariff’ in the first place.

Some say that the little boy is still yelling tariffs to this day, but now whenever he does, everyone knows not to listen because who knows what he will say the next day.

And then he got eaten by a wolf.

The End.

For more bedtime stories, click here: US Economy ‘Out Of UNO Reverse Cards’ Following Trump Tariff Block

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