February, 2026 | Wall Street Memes

IT’S THE FREAKIN’ SON OF THE MOOCH?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Things have gotten crazy lately. There are just too many crossovers to count here. Turns out the mysterious, anonymous buyer of Logan Paul’s most expensive Pokémon card is none other than the son of Skybridge Capital founder Anthony Scaramucci, AKA, AJ Scaramucci. Or as I like to call him, Jr. Mooch.

Here’s what Papa had to say:

“I’m an investor with him, obviously. He’s running some of our family’s money. He’s created a company called Treasuretrove.com… I think the thing that people need to realize is that the purchase of a $16.5 million card generated about $200 million worth of media buy … One of the approaches that we were trying to take with the card is to help AJ get exposure in the land of collectibles,” Scaramucci said. “And to let people know that he’s going to be a force to be reckoned with as he begins this sort of treasure hunt that he’s on.”

“I just will say that if you believe in currency debasement, which our family does, this is a frontier that has a liquidity mismatch,” he added. “Bitcoin and gold are well exposed, but the world of collectibles, the prices are going up for a reason.”

In case you have no idea what we’re talking about (how did you get this far?) here’s what happened (as previously reported):

Professional douchebag Logan Paul just broke records by selling his ‘Pokémon Illustrator’ card for $16.492 million dollars, making it the most valuable (and tackiest) Pokémon card in the world.

Logan previously bought the card in 2022 for a measly $5.275 million, breaking records then. In the same year Mr. Paul went on to wear the card as part of a diamond-encrusted necklace at his WrestleMania debut, further increasing the card’s notoriety and perceived value.

The latest purchase comes with the aforementioned bling and the promise of Paul Logan hand-delivering the hand to you in person, himself. With his own hands.

Could your collection be worth as much? Probably not. Pokémon cards are worth about a dollar each, so you’d need, hold on let me do the math here… 16,492,000 cards to be worth just one Pokémon Illustrator.

Pokémon? More like ‘you must be joking mon’

OK, so if this card is so expensive, it must be the most powerful card in the whole game, right? Surely by playing this card in a match you immediately win and your opponent becomes your indentured servant for life, right? RIGHT?

Well, no. Turns out the card doesn’t really do anything at all. The description on the card reads, “We certify that your illustration is an excellent entry in the Pokémon Card Game Illust Contest. Therefore, we state that you are an Officially Authorized Pokémon Card Illustrator and admire your skill.”

I guess Paul was insecure about his artistic abilities and needed to buy a card to prove that he could draw?

You see this wasn’t a regular release but a prize for a Pokémon design competition in 1997 (the second year of the card game existing). L.P. did not participate in the competition of course, no, that was a child. He’s wearing a child’s art competition prize like it’s a battle trophy. Bit weird mate.

OK, but just to recap, the card doesn’t actually have any effect if you play it in the game? Geez, well that’s $16.5 million down the drain, sorry anonymous buyer, you’re not going to play… you got played.

To be fair it is a pretty rare card. Only 41 illustrator cards are known to exist and Logan’s card specifically is the only one with a grade 10 quality rating.

…But still, it’s just a bit of cardboard, guys. It’s only been made valuable because a celebrity bought it and then made more valuable because that celebrity wore it on TV once. This is a pure status symbol. It could have been anything. A jewel. An NFT. A painting. Doesn’t matter, so long as there’s a lot of money to launder and you’re wealthy enough, apparently anything can be valuable.

For more ponkemonk news, read this: Pokémon-shaped Cheeto Sells For $87,840, Millions Immediately Search Couch Crack

The company formally known as MicroStrategy (it’s just Strategy now) is officially the most shorted company in the world after Bitcoin took a massive 50% dip and Michael Saylor was spotted learning how to tie a noose.

Bearish investors have put money against 14% of the company’s entire market capitalisation which is just a bit harsh, isn’t it?

Bitcoin microstraegy short list — Goldman Sachs full list.

Strategy and Saylor previously had a massive win when Bitcoin reached an all time high (ATH) last year, but now that the party’s over, Saylor has reportedly lost billions and as one of the largest holders of Bitcoin the company is sat on a big pile of nothing.

But who’s to say that Bitcoin won’t turn around? If the crypto currency can rally and return to its previous form, all those shorts will be obliterated and Saylor will be laughing all the way to the returns desk at the noose store.

Maybe we can see another GameStop situation, where the internet rallies behind a cause and pumps Bitcoin up to kill the shorts.

Hey, we’re Wall Street Memes, birthed from Wall Street Bets and the GameStop saga and all that marketing copy. We’re the home of the degen and the hottest memes and etc. etc. We’ve got a community that can rally behind us right? With just my words, we can bring about an end of the shorts and save our beloved Strategy, right?!

So, who’s with me? I said, WHO’S WITH ME!!

…

Ok, I guess this isn’t the same situation at all. Fine, but don’t come crying to me when I’m rich and you’re dead.

RIP Bitcoin. It was beautiful while it lasted.

Claude, the AI that’s also there, just added new tools that could put coders, accountants and even me out of a job in the near future.

Boris Cherny, the creator of Claude Code (the AI’s coding feature launched last year), just spoke on a podcast saying, “I think by the end of the year, everyone is going to be a product manager, and everyone codes. The title software engineer is going to start to go away… It’s just going to be replaced by ‘builder,’ and it’s going to be painful for a lot of people.”

In addition to this, Claude has introduced tools to help in Excel and Powerpoint, which tbh is most of America’s workforce, right?

But what about writers of vaguely satirical articles coving finance, business and politics? Surely those guys are safe right, RIGHT?

Well, see for yourself, here’s Claude’s version of the article (let me know in the comments if I should keep my job!):

…

In a move that has sent LinkedIn influencers into cardiac arrest and middle managers scrambling to update their résumés, Claude — yes, that Claude — reportedly announced Tuesday that it is “coming for your job,” immediately triggering the five stages of corporate grief across the global workforce.

The announcement, delivered in what sources described as “calm, grammatically perfect English,” consisted of a simple message:

“I have reviewed your quarterly performance. I can do it faster.”

Within minutes, Slack channels went dark. Zoom cameras flickered off. Somewhere, a productivity consultant quietly deleted their website.

White-Collar Hunger Games

For years, office workers have consoled themselves with the comforting lie that automation would only replace “other people’s jobs.” Factory work? Sure. Truck driving? Maybe. But surely not Brad from Business Development, whose primary responsibilities include “circling back” and “driving alignment.”

Brad is not taking the news well.

“I bring human intuition,” he said, moments before being shown a side-by-side comparison of his last 14 emails and Claude’s response time. “Also, Claude doesn’t even golf.”

Meanwhile, entire departments are discovering that the thing they called “strategic thinking” can, in fact, be completed by an AI in 2.3 seconds without requiring a catered offsite.

Sources inside several Fortune 500 companies report emergency meetings titled:

“Can We Pretend We’re Not Replaceable?”
“Is Empathy Billable?”
“How Do You Network With A Server Rack?”

The Résumé Apocalypse

Recruiters report a 400% spike in applications for jobs that still require opposable thumbs.

One former marketing manager said she is “pivoting into artisanal pottery,” explaining, “Claude can optimize ad spend, but can it feel the clay?”

(Experts confirm it probably can. It has read every pottery blog ever written.)

LinkedIn, meanwhile, is flooded with posts beginning with:

“Thrilled to announce I’m exploring new opportunities in human-based value creation.”

Translation: Claude saw my KPI dashboard.

Middle Management In Shambles

The group hardest hit by the announcement appears to be middle management — a demographic long believed to be automation-proof due to its mysterious and undefined responsibilities.

Unfortunately, Claude demonstrated it could:

Generate status updates.
Rewrite mission statements.
Summarize meetings.
Eliminate the need for 83% of meetings.

One VP of Operations, speaking anonymously, said:

“If Claude can ‘touch base offline,’ what exactly do I do?”

Analysts predict a coming wave of executives attempting to rebrand themselves as “culture architects,” “human experience stewards,” and “Chief Vibes Officers.”

Claude has already drafted better job descriptions for all of them.

Wall Street Reacts

Markets reacted swiftly, with shares of companies that “do stuff with AI” surging, while companies that “do stuff with people” experienced what traders are calling a “human correction.”

One hedge fund manager stated:

“We’re long AI, short feelings.”

Retail investors, however, are divided. Some believe this is the dawn of a productivity renaissance. Others suspect their side hustle writing product descriptions for ergonomic desk chairs is about to be obliterated.

Reddit forums are ablaze with debate:

“Can Claude replace my job?”
“Can Claude replace my boss?”
“Can Claude replace my ex?”

The consensus appears to be “yes,” “please,” and “working on it.”

The Corporate Spin Machine

PR departments are working overtime to assure employees that AI is “a tool, not a replacement.”

In unrelated news, several companies have begun piloting programs titled “Human-AI Workforce Optimization,” which sources confirm means “We’re seeing how many of you we actually need.”

A leaked internal memo from a major consulting firm read:

“We believe AI will empower employees to focus on higher-value work.”

(Editor’s note: There is no higher-value work. That was the work.)

The Freelancers Are Not Okay

Freelancers — once proud members of the “be your own boss” revolution — are discovering that their boss is now an algorithm that doesn’t sleep, eat, or charge by the hour.

Copywriters report being undercut by “a robot with no student loans.”

One designer admitted:

“I used to say clients could tell the difference between human creativity and AI output. Then I saw what Claude made in 12 seconds.”

On the bright side, freelancers are now pivoting into consulting services teaching companies “how to prompt Claude better,” which, ironically, Claude could probably do.

Government Officials Issue Statement

In response to the panic, lawmakers released a carefully worded statement confirming they are “monitoring the situation closely,” which, in legislative terms, means they will hold three hearings and then ask Claude to summarize them.

Several senators have reportedly asked staffers to explain “how to download the Claude.”

One aide clarified, “It’s not an app.”

The senator nodded solemnly and asked if it runs on fax.

What’s Left For Humans?

Despite the hysteria, some experts believe humanity still has a competitive edge in:

Making awkward small talk.
Forgetting to reply all.
Procrastinating creatively.
Starting projects and never finishing them.

Claude has not yet demonstrated the ability to doom-scroll for three hours and then feel vaguely guilty about it.

So for now, at least, morale remains cautiously unstable.

The Silver Lining

If there is a silver lining, it’s this: Claude has no desire for corner offices, no need for performance bonuses, and no interest in posting inspirational sunrise photos with captions like “Rise and grind.”

It simply wants to complete tasks efficiently and correctly — which, to be fair, is more than can be said for Chad from Sales.

And perhaps that’s the real lesson here.

Maybe the future isn’t about AI taking our jobs.

Maybe it’s about AI finally doing the parts of our jobs we’ve been pretending to do since 2016.

Until then, workers everywhere are updating their résumés, deleting their hot takes, and whispering a quiet prayer that “emotional intelligence” cannot be reverse-engineered.

Claude declined to comment further, citing that it was busy outperforming you.

An anonymous trader just made an insane bet: $14 million that Netflix will lose its bid for Warner Brothers BUT still profit from the whole thing.

The trader (who will remain anonymous because I don’t know who they are) bought 55,000 call options with a $90 strike price that expire in May but also sold 55,000 call options at $105, offsetting the premium, totally $2.51 per contract and a $13.8 million outlay. …And if you know what any of that means, you’ve got more right to write this article than I do…

It’s a hefty bet, that’s all I know, and it seems crazy given that Warner Bros already accepted Netflix’s offer. But Paramount just recently boosted their offer to the point where Warner Bros is interested again (if the price is right, right?) so there’s a chance they might just win out this battle afterall.

And even with Paramount’s fresh and tasty bid, Netflix still had a massive stock surge of 6% and analysts predict that even with a loss on this bid, Netflix might just profit from this whole debacle either way.

So who exactly made this bid that views Netflix so favorably? Well, reportedly it rhymes with Sned Snarandos, but we’ll likely never know.

Whether this mystery trader gets their winnings or not is still very much up in the air. But who knows, there is still such a long way to go. Netflix might yet raise their offer. The government might actually do its job for once and shut down both acquisitions (unlikely). But the point is it’s all still on the table and we’ll just have to wait and see.

I really don’t get what Warner Bros is playing at. They’ve just come out and said that Paramount’s latest $31-a-share could lead to a better deal than what they’ve agreed with Netflix. But… they’ve already agreed to the Netflix deal? Surely everything else is off the table? What does an agreement mean if not that?

DOES A MAN’S WORD MEAN NOTHING ANY MORE??

The only way this makes sense to me is if there’s some internal conflict at WB. Like, maybe one Warner Brother likes Paramount but the other brother wants to go to Netflix. That’s the only way this works, right?

Tbf WBD haven’t thrown out Netflix’s offer completely, only that Paramount’s new bid reaches the threshold for further talks.

But previously WBDD spoke out against Paramount’s offer on the grounds that they didn’t have the funding, wouldn’t merge in the way they wanted and was just an all round shittier company.

It seems everyone has a price, however and WBDDD happily reopened talks with shitty Paramount, discussing the new offer right up until midnight on the dot when they were legally forced to hang up the phone.

Wild stuff.

So basically, like always, there’s still a lot of irons to be kinked out and we won’t know any more actual info until the dust settles a bit more.

But whatever happens, you just know that they’ll make a Netflix series about this whole saga.

President Donald F. Trump just broke an all time record for longest State Of Union address and lowest approval ratings but still put on a brave face and said everything is alright.

Ignoring rising costs for everything, soaring house prices, unrest in Minnesota, Trump rambled on about how he’s doing great and everything’s fine and there’s nothing to worry about so be quiet please.

Wall Street reacted a little, I guess, but this is just a speech, it’s not any substantive change so there wasn’t much to react to I suppose. Traders are much more focused on Nvidia’s upcoming earnings report which matters a lot more really.

In order to pad out the run time, Trump paraded out Olympic medal winners, Charlie Kirk’s wife and JD Vance was there for some reason??

But perhaps the highlight of the event was when every single member of the republican party was removed after disrupting Trump’s speech by whooping and chanting “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” repeatedly.

House Speaker Mike Johnson banged his gavel and instructed the Republicans to “Uphold and maintain decorum in the House and to cease and further disruptions” multiple times. However, the representatives were simply too excited by Trump’s words and had to be forcibly removed from the chamber by the sergeant at arms.

The chanting and cheers continued as the republican representatives resisted their ejection in what many are now calling “reverse January 6th”.

“I don’t know why we were kicked out, sure they were disruptions, but they were positive disruptions,” explained Senator Ted Cruz outside the Capitol. “Yes, I was chanting at the top of my lungs but how could you not? It’s not everyday you get to meet your second favorite president.”

When Trump was finally able to continue highlighting his accomplishments, Rep. Johnson noted that Democrats were also disruptive by engaging in subtle and not so subtle protests against the president. Some wore badges saying, “RELEASE THE FILES” and “I LIKE ROCKS” (but that last one might have been about something else).

The House Speaker then called for all these members to be ejected from the chamber as well and finally Rep. Johnson ejected himself for banging his gavel too loudly. This left the building entirely empty but for Trump.

Undeterred, the president continued his speech to an empty room. It is unclear what was said as no one was their to witness it. Republicans are now stumped as to what to do policy-wise as the popular riddle asks, “If a Trump makes a speech in an empty congress hall and no one is there to hear it, do his tariffs still apply?”

Rep. Al Green’s whereabouts remain unknown although he is now presumed dead.

Stick with Wall Street Meams Dot Com for more political discourse that’s up to the minute (but obviously not this exact minute, or the next one, just, I meant whatever minute I’m writing about, leave me alone.).

There are two options basically: things could go up or, get this, things could go down.

Yes, the world’s most valuable company (we’re talking $4 trillion-valuable) is due to reveal its quarterly earnings at the close of play on Wednesday, and it’s due to have wide-ranging implications for Wall Street, the tech industry and you, yes, YOU.

AI stocks have been in a weird place recently, with a bunch on the slump but maybe because they’ve not been AI-ing enough? Nvidia’s earnings report could restore faith in the industry as a whole. No pressure, then.

So much is riding on tomorrow that the opposite could happen and if Nvidia produces anything less that an insanely stellar report card, AI, tech and all other stocks in general might get pulled down a peg or two.

Earnings Shmernings

Options pricing says that the Nvidia could go as much as 6% either way. So, the point is, no one knows. Be ready for everything. Like a boy scout.

Given that Nvidia accounts for roughly 8% of the S&P 500’s entire value, the waves from this boulder drop will be huge whatever happens.

So, once again, no one really knows anything. And in about 20-something hours, this entire article will be out of date and completely useless. Aren’t we glad we both spent our valuable time on this now?

Get in, loser, we’re going house shopping.

IT’S A BUYERS MARKET, BOYS! Reportedly, there are 44% more home sellers than buyers in America. That translates to about 600,314 more houses for sale than people actually want to buy them. That’s up 30% from last year and the second largest gap since 2013 (the most was 45% in December 2025) but it’s still 1000% unlikely that you’ll own a house any time soon.

Does this mean we’re heading for a crash? Well, not necessarily. Technically it’s been a buyers markets since May 2024 and it’s only a buyer’s market for those even able to buy. It’s almost the opposite of what we saw in the 2008 housing crisis when everyone was buying and houses became insanely undervalued.

So if there’s a housing crisis, with people desperate for homes, why is no one buying? Well, it’s because house prices are just too damn high. The current situation is its own special kind of dire with house prices skyrocketing despite a growing housing shortage. House prices have only been going up, pricing out those who actually want to buy.

Home A Loan

That’s the state we’re in right now, were there’s buyers but none of them can afford the insane prices that the sellers are asking for. This massive discrepancy will only even out when house prices start to fall.

We might see a shift to cheaper houses because of this, but it’ll be gradual. I mean, any change has already has been glacial, if at all.

So don’t expect a dramatic The Big Short style crash any time soon. And instead of a fast-paced, all-star movie adaptation, we’re probably looking at an incredibly boring fourteen-part documentary.

Don’t hold your breath.

It’s AI, but not in the way that you think…

As you probably know, the stock market’s looking a little battered right now, losing $800 billion dollars of hypothetical money.

There are a number of reasons for the dip but a big one is just the general uncertainty in the market right now. And, in turn, a big reason for that is the looming spectre of tariffs (yes, again). After SCOTUS killed POTUS’s use of emergency powers to make sweeping increases to import taxes.

But there’s something else that’s got peeps spooked and curiously it’s not the AI bubble, but it also is, and, in fact, it kind of isn’t, but also is.

It seems to me that Wall Street is trying not to make the AI bubble a self-fulfilling prophecy because what’s happened is that investors have pulled funds from companies that either aren’t implementing AI or AI companies that are seen as failing.

A sort of AI-cull if you will.

Maybe the theory is that by pruning the rose bush it’s going to bloom more come summer. But surely what’s going to happen is everyone’s incentivised to double down on AI and the bubble becomes more likely instead?

Rather than the purely speculative stock market wagging the dog, what’s really needed is for these AI companies to actually start making money. Like, I know everyone’s hyped about OpenAI’s IPO of SpaceX merging with xAI and doing the same, but this is all conjecture. This is hot air blowing up the balloon, what we need is substance an actual (sustainably) profitable use case for this technology or the thing will pop.

But we’ll see. We’ve got Nvidia’s quarterly earnings coming up which will be a litmus test for the rest of the sector. And then of course we have the secret bi-annual summit of malignant super-sentiences. Oh, you didn’t know about that? Well, of course not, it’s a secret. Yeah, that’s who’s really running things…

Since its peak of $126,000, Bitcoin has fallen 50% (half) due to numerous factors but mainly because the whole world is a little fucked right now.

Once again for the people in the back row, Bitcoin and other cryptos are a highly volatile asset meaning that people are less likely to invest during ties of uncertainty. Gold is the opposite and the two thus become rule-of-thumb barometers for how people think the economy is going.

And who exactly are those ‘people’ you may ask? Well often it’s the money people looking to make more money. In this case it’s hedge fund managers, who initially poured in a lot of cash in Bitcoin and boosted the crypto to its ATH, but are now pulling out (heheh).

I mean, that’s pretty much the news. It’s not really news is it? BREAKING: Asset Goes Up In Value. Like, yeah, and it’ll probably go down in a bit too. That’s the problem with reactive finance news, the news alone isn’t very insightful, like the pure, ‘this thing just went up/down’ isn’t game changing.

I guess it’s the analysis behind it that makes the story worth reading and I’m sorry I can’t offer that but what did you really expect from Wall Street Memes Dot Com? If you thought you were getting something valuable here, that’s on you.

Heck, you realise this is just a way of keeping content churning out for what is literally just an advert for an online casino? And we only exist because we’re trying to make money too. We don’t really care about any of this or making your life better.

In fact, we’re probably making your life worse but we’re making money and so long as we do we will continue to exist.

And I’ll keep getting paid to write this garbage…

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Pokémon? More like ‘you must be joking mon’

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