2025 | Wall Street Memes

Facebook’s daddy company, Meta, has just announced a 30% scale back of spending on their flagship VR ‘metaverse’ product and the whole planet let out a collective sigh of relief.

The market’s agreed that giving up on this dream is probably a good idea, gifting the Zuck a 5% stock boost for the company worth about $69 billion dollars in money.

We call that in the biz, “a carrot”.

facebook meta metaverse stock — Here’s a graph. Does this mean anything to you?

Metaverse? I hardly know her

For over half a decade, Facebook has really been trying to “make fetch happen,” but hasn’t released any substantial products, the ones they have shown off are janky af and no one really wants a virtual reality world in the first place except for sex pests and cool sci-fi hackers.

But no, when the Zuck goes, he goes hard, reskinning the company as ‘Meta’ in 2021, signalling its commitment to the pos product that no one wants.

That’s quite a statement there son, would be embarrassing if after committing to the name you then pivoted to AI in 2023, huh?

I mean, that really says it all. Tech companies all have that startup mindset of chasing growth above everything else. The moment you stop, you die. That’s why they all seem to branch out into these bizarre disparate products and it’s why they’ll push whatever new shiny thing they can find if it looks like it’ll get more eyes on them.

In the 2000s it was the internet, in the 2010s it was cloud computing, now it’s AI but for a moment there, the Zuck reeeeallly thought it was going to be VR.

The dog that caught the car

And yes, some of those bets paid off, but those successes are littered with the corpses of companies that lost out chasing the same goal. And on top of that, us poor consumers had to suffer through every fad being stapled to every product then rammed down our throats whether we wanted it or not. (Need I mention NFTs?)

So good riddance to the metaverse, but then, it was always meant to die. Just wait and see, when the next shiny shiny waves itself in front of Mark he’ll ditch AI just as quick. They all will. Because this isn’t about making good products. It’s about growth. It’s about making money above everything else.

And it always has been.

For more on Facebook just nailing exactly what everyone wants, read this: Facebook Announces “Smart Glasses” To Make You Look Smart

Was the night out at an accredited college or something?

I mean, this it just a regular night out with the lads. I know, it always starts with the promise of “only a couple drinks” but you know how it goes, drinks are expensive these days, plus club entry fees, who hasn’t racked up these kind of numbers on an average Friday?

Oh, sure, Chase Bank and the woman in the viral TikTok “claims” it was a computer glitch, but we all see through you, Maddie. We know what the sitch is, and you just don’t want your parents to find out.

In a now-deleted TikTok on her own account, she recounted the experience, saying, “I wish I could say I bought the city of Los Angeles. It’s not the case here. I’m not really sure what inclined me to check my bank account at like 2 am. But I did. And then I saw negative 49 billion.”

woman 50 billion debt — not sure I should be screenshotting someone’s banking app and putting it online but, err…

But before anyone could arrive to break her kneecaps, she called the bank, who replied, “‘Hello this is Chase bank how may I help you?’ Hi, I’m negative 50 billion dollars in debt, and I’m not quite sure why. Do I have 50 billion dollars? No. I do have $76. So she goes, ‘can I put you on hold?’ I’ve never seen this before. I was like, oh.”

‘Oh,’ indeed.

As some Redditors have pointed out, she probably just left a cute waitress a reasonable tip and didn’t want to own up to it. That or she did a little too much drunken online shopping on Lockheed Martin’s website.

You know, girl math.

For more solid financial advice, read this: A Man Disguised Himself As His Dead Mom For Three Years To Steal Her Fortune

Hey, look, so here’s the thing, and I can only apologize, but the story I had for this clickbait headline was from this article that says 11% of Black Friday purchases were made with things like Klarna and 95% came from credit card transactions. So, that’s not really news, is it? “BREAKING NEWS: Credit Cards Used At Christmas”…

But the thing is I kind of locked in on this headline before I actually checked the source soooo….

Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting high-quality journalism from Wall Street Memes Dot Com?? Give me a break.

I guess I can still run with the latter part of my headline though…

OK, I just googled actual recession indicators and got bored immediately so here are some joke one’s instead:

TOP FIVE SEASONAL RECESSION INDICATORS!

5. Santa’s Fired His Elves

They weren’t able to unionize in time and have been replaced by AI.

4. Jerome Powell Has Been Added To The Naughty List

Who snitched? Don? Was it you?

3. IRS Will No Longer Accept Tax Returns ‘Via Chimney’

That could be a headline… Hey, if you see me use this in a couple of weeks, you know I ran out of ideas.

2. Colombian Drug Lords Are Shifting To ‘Fake Snow’ For Nativity Scenes Instead Of Cocaine

Too specific? Idk, I’ll brainstorm some other options…

1. Your Grandma Sends You Five Dollars Less This Year

Ok, but that one’s actually real though…

Alright, I hope you enjoy all that more than I did. I’m off to recess my indicators. Have fun.

For more Christmas miracles, read this: Christmas Voted Most Popular Vacation For Second Year Running

What do you mean? The FBI aren’t the kind of people to hide things…

Bloomberg has uncovered that the Federal Bureau of Investigation ($FBI) paid at least $851,344 dollars in money in March this year for 14,278 hours in overtime to the 934 agents redacting Epstein files.

For an extra few dollars, maybe they should have redacted this info too…

Obviously, no one can confirm or deny that the redactions were specifically to remove █████’s name… wait, that was weird. █████. █████! Wtf, why won’t it let me type t-rump’s name…?

Ohhhh…

And of course, there could be other details that the FBI are obliged to remove. Apparently, medical records, names, and other details about the victims can’t legally show up in the files once they’re published or something? I’m not going to check that though. Who do you think I am, Snopes?

Plus, the FBI can’t release anything that might compromise national security, such as the new Putin-seeking-missiles that Epstein was funding, or let’s say maybe someone has some evidence that incriminates the President of the United States of…

Ohhhh…

Of course, █████’s clearly not in the files since he signed the law to release the so-called ‘Epstein Files’. Now, why would a guilty man do that?

█████’s smarter than all this, and he knows what he’s doing. He WANTS the files to be released, and he’s playing all of you.

Yes, for months he’s been publicly saying that the files shouldn’t be released, and yes, he had his attorney general and his head of the FBI claim that these files didn’t even exist, and yes, he called a reporter ‘piggy’ for some reason for even mentioning the files, BUT IT’S ALL A PLAY!

They can detail his close ties to a podophile. They can call him an adulterer. They can claim he had sex with a horse or Bill Clinton (whichever is worse), but it won’t matter.

You see, when the files get released and █████’s name is all over them, the American public will have no choice but to accept that Donald █████ is a real-life sex offender.

Finally, he’ll be able to be his true self. No more hiding, no more lies, it’ll all be out in the open, and there will be nothing anyone will be able to do.

What are you going to do, impeach him? Babe. He’s famous. He’s the most powerful person in the world. You’re going to unspool all that just because he’s a little bit of a sex pest? Because he’s committed a few crimes? Phhff.

We already know all that and he’s still in power, babe.

This changes nothing! NOTHING!

All that changes is that █████ will finally be able to ascend to his final form: a completely bulletproof man, impervious to any and all accusations, entirely unstoppable and ETERNALLY POWERFUL! AHHHH!!!!

So when these files get released and you see █████ start to glow and levitate, now you’ll know why.

Checkmate, atheists.

For more on this story: Trump Decides He’s Not In The Epstein Files, Actually

Cheap as chips

Tbf I haven’t actually heard anything about Mr Huang responding, but you can probably imagine him being mad about it. Him just seething. Just cooking in his leather jacket…

Anyways, online booksellers, ‘Amazon Dot Com’ launched their new AI chip ‘Trainium3’ on Tuesday and according to the corp servers on that chip are 4x faster, energy efficient than previous generations and are up to 40% cheaper than Nvidia’s competitor chips.

But they would say that, wouldn’t they?

“Trainium already represents a multibillion-dollar business today and continues to grow really rapidly,” Amazon Web Services CEO Matt Garman said during the tech giant’s annual event, re:Invent. Sure, like I’m trusting the guy who pressed off and on again on the internet a couple months ago.

The awkward thing is that Amazon is a massive Nvidia customer. In fact, more than 10% of Lama Zone’s capital expenditure (that CapEx to all the cool boys out there) goes to Nvidia and in return, Amazon is 7.5% of Nvidia’s revenue.

So you’re saying the money’s just going round in a circle? What’s another word for a 3D circle again? Oh yeah: a bubble.

…what does all this have to do with selling books?

Previously on, ‘Tech Oligopoly: The Series’

Back in November, Amazon got a 5% stock boost from the announcement that OpenAI will access hundreds of thousands of Nvidia graphics cards through its cloud computing service.

The deal was just one of many that OpenAI made this year. $300 billion with Oracle. $22 billion with CoreWave. Plus the ink’s only just dried on agreements with Broadcom, AMD, Nvidia and my mate Nigel who has a basement that they can use if Sharon kicks them out again.

And it looks like OpenAI might need it soon because, lady and gentleman, the bubble is at a-bursting point.

Nvidia just topped $5 trillion. OpenAI is about to be worth $1 trillion with barely any revenue (but hey, they are a non-profit). And everyone’s getting into bed with each other, assuring that if one drowns, they all drown (not sure why the bed’s in the ocean, but here we are).

Maybe at least one of those data points will change soon however, as OpenAI have started to work with Microsoft to see if they can change to a for-profit.

Let’s just see how all this pans out…

Cassandra’s at it again…

Famed investor, Michael ‘The Big Short’ Burry, just made a slew of apocalyptic predictions and they’re not exactly optimistic, but what did you really expect from an apocalyptic prediction?

Here’s a roundup of all the headlines he’s made this week:

The stock market is due for “a number of bad years” from a market-wide selloff worse than the 2000s market crash.

Bitcoin is the “tulip bulb of our time”.
Tesla is “ridiculously overvalued”.
Palantir will be worth a lot less in two years.
Interest rates shouldn’t be lowered.
The Fed shouldn’t exist and should be replaced by the Treasury Department.
Christian Bale isn’t returning his calls about The Big Short 2.

…Ok, that last one I made up, but the rest he did say.

I mean, that’s a lot of yapping for one small man. This is all from multiple blog posts right? Oh, this is all from one podcast interview? Oh damn.

Tell us how you really think, Michael.

But why should we listen to this guy? He keeps saying Troy is going to fall all day every day, but has it fallen yet? No, so he’s clearly wrong, I’m going to put my faith in the great gods of Apollo, Nvidia and Elon Musky Musky Musk.

For more on this story, gilly your peepers over this: Michael Burry Just Brought Up GME, Here Are 5 More Red Flags That Signal a Bubble

Wow, what a ride it’s been. Remember those halcyon days back in March when all anyone could talk about was Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency (or DOGE for short if you want to be efficient about it and save time rather than having to type it all out and explain what that means exactly, plus it’s a funny reference to a misspelling of the word ‘dog’ which is already a pretty cute animal but then if you infer on top of that that the dog can’t talk properly, well that’s just a recipe for a timeless meme that will never go out of style and/or be cringe)?

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, DOGE has shut down, finally achieving its ultimate goal of enacting government cuts on itself.

Over the weekend, Reuters spoke with the director of Personnel Management, Scott Kupor, who said that DOGE “doesn’t exist,” and is no longer a “centralized entity.” Although I’m not sure it ever was…

My submission for the official logo, sadly this didn’t win out and they went for just a stupid dollar sign that isn’t even the meme or anything smh

The D-O-G-E may be gone, but many of the workers have simply migrated to other agencies. As one USDA source told Wired, “They are in fact burrowed into the agencies like ticks.”

And of course, the spirit can never be killed, like Jesus. As Kupor later tweeted, “principles of DOGE remain alive and well: deregulation; eliminating fraud, waste and abuse; re-shaping the federal workforce; making efficiency a first-class citizen; etc.”

You see that etcetera? That’s efficiency. That’s DOGE.

DOGE-ed a bullet

So what is this so-called dog’s legacy? Well, with its mission to save hundreds of billions of dollars in government waste, Musk’s initiative has ended up costing Washington about $21.7 billion and taxpayers $135 billion. And, due to foreign aid cuts, DOGE has killed over 600,000 people, mostly children.

So yeah, I’d chalk that up to a win.

For more DODGE news, read this one: Farewell! DOGE Cuts Funding For Satirical News Articles

…because it’s a grift, always has been.

Don Jr and Eric Trump’s crypto mining company, American Bitcoin, just lost two-fifths of its value, and not just because it’s a valueless asset designed to be dumped. Wait, did I say that out loud?

Yep, almost $1 billion dollars in actual money was wiped off the Trump bros’ fledgling startup in under half an hour, mainly because the lock-up period just ended and all the investors suddenly remembered that they had better things to do with their money.

Trump crypto graph — Here’s hoping the graph is just upside down…

Naturally, Eric took to X to quell any panic, writing that investors were just exercising their option to “cash in on their profits for the first time which is why we will see volatility… I’m holding all my @ABTC shares – I’m 100% committed to leading the industry.”

Wait, does he not know? Should somebody tell him? Eric, my boy, the first rule of the con is you don’t con yourself…

Crypto? More like, grift-o

Eric’s also the guy who formally bragged on X that American Bitcoin handled 2% of the world’s Bitcoin transactions. Which can’t be true, you’re saying only 2% of bits coined are American? We used to be a real country…

Trump’s sons are also the founders of the shitcoin, World Liberty Financial, which also had a massive crash, down 86% this year. Turns out listing your dad/the president as “co-founder emeritus, whatever that means, isn’t enough to save your floundering business ventures.

In other news, Bitcoin just hit a two-week high, so make of those two pieces of news what you will…

For more news you can’t trust, read this: Trump Has Over $1 Billion In Bitcoin Profits, Does He Know Something We Don’t?

So the Federal Reserve (you know, the money guys?), they just pumped $13.5 billion into the U.S. Banking System through overnight repos (whatever that means). This would make it the 2nd largest liquidity injection into banks since COVID and bigger than anything similar done during the dot-com bubble.

Yeah, probably fine, nothing to worry about…

So to commemorate the impending collapse of the US economy, here are five reasons why this news might just be a bad thing, as explained by ChatGPT (shit, that might be reason number 6…)

5. Bank Reserves Are at Crisis-Era Lows, Echoing Pre-2008 Vulnerabilities

U.S. bank reserves plunged $102 billion in recent weeks to $2.8 trillion by late October 2025, the sharpest drop since the 2020 pandemic. This scarcity forced the Fed’s emergency repo usage to record highs, as seen in the October 31 spike. Similar reserve squeezes preceded the 2008 crisis, where liquidity dried up and forced fire sales; analysts warn this could trigger deleveraging if banks hoard cash instead of lending.

…OK, I didn’t read all that, but I heard something about fire and liquid, which cancels out, so we should all be fine, right?

4. Rising SOFR and Funding Rates Signal a Sneaky Credit Crunch Brewing

cheese bedsheet graph, nothing to do with banks — Here’s a graph. Not the right graph, mind you, but a graph nonetheless.

The Secured Overnight Financing Rate (SOFR) surged in late October 2025, hitting levels not seen in years, as banks paid premiums for short-term cash. The Fed’s $50.35 billion injection on October 31—the biggest since 2021—directly addressed this, but persistent spikes indicate counterparty fears and reduced interbank lending. This “canary in the coal mine” mirrors 2019’s repo turmoil, which nearly froze markets and could amplify volatility in stocks and bonds if unchecked.

You have no idea how hard it is to make this stuff funny, I’m telling you…

3. Quantitative Tightening Backfired, Forcing the Fed to U-Turn on Liquidity

The Fed’s ongoing balance sheet shrinkage (down to $6.58 trillion from $9 trillion in 2022) drained liquidity, clashing with $1.5 trillion in new Treasury issuance for fiscal 2025. This combo pushed the Standing Repo Facility to unprecedented use, culminating in the November 2025 announcements to halt QT by December 1. Critics argue this flip-flop reveals policy missteps, risking investor confidence and a repeat of 2020’s emergency interventions if reserves dip further.

I’m sorry, what was that about shrinkage draining liquidity? Please, talk to your doctor if you’re having trouble in the bedroom, don’t tell me all about it.

2. Treasury Debt Overload Is Sucking Cash Out, Straining the Entire System

Massive U.S. Treasury auctions—fueled by record deficits—absorbed bank cash in October 2025, exacerbating the reserve crunch and prompting the Fed’s $22 billion follow-up injection on November 4. With the Treasury General Account ballooning amid a brief government shutdown scare, this “liquidity tug-of-war” could force more bailouts, echoing dot-com pressures when debt surges overwhelmed markets and sparked the 2000 bust.

TLDR; we’re squrewed.

1. Inflation Risks Reignite as “Easy Money” Undermines Rate Hike Credibility

Despite Powell’s October 29, 2025, warnings on persistent inflation, the $125 billion flood—termed “stealth easing”—has markets pricing a 67% chance of December rate cuts, boosting risk assets like crypto but stoking reflation fears. If banks deploy this cash aggressively, it could fuel asset bubbles (as in the dot-com era), forcing the Fed into a policy whiplash that erodes trust and spikes volatility, per analysts tracking similar post-2020 patterns.

So there you have it, folks! I’d like to thank my helpful assistant ChatGPT for understanding all that so I don’t have to and now, if you don’t mind, I’m off to go put a short on the entire US economy…

…Or should I say, ‘what’?

And that’s because the betting site, Polymarket, predicts that Time’s Person of the Year will be none other than Artificial Intelligence. What’s next, a WOMAN for president??

There are lots of actual human contenders like Jensen Huang, the Pope, Trump, Sam Altman, Zohran Mamdani, Netanyahu, heck, even I should have more of a shot, I’m a person at least…

ai person of the year cover — She’ll always be my person of the year…

But here’s the thing, not to be cynical or anything, but this is a magazine, and their first goal is to sell magazines. What’s going to turn heads, get people saying, “Oh, would you look at the Time?” and if you’re very very lucky, even buying, than a controversial ‘time of the year’ person?

The think pieces write themselves, ‘Time Of The Year Is A Dirty Clanker’, ‘Time Of The Year Ain’t No Real Person No Way No How, Heck, Even I Should Have More Of A Shot, I’m A Person At Least…’ or how about, ‘You Won’t Believe Who Time’s Person Of The Year Award Is…’ oh no, wait, I wrote that one.

You know what they say, ‘a slow news day is a free advert’, or something, idk, I just made that up.

Person of the Year? More like, ‘WhatevertheFUCKIfeellike of the Year’

Besides, if AI is Time’s pick, it wouldn’t be the first time they haven’t had a human being on the cover. In 1982, Time chose ‘the computer’, and in 2026 and 2024, the cover star was Donald Trump.

But to swing back to cynical again, last year, Time did sign a contract with OpenAI, giving them full access to Time’s back catalogue for training data. So yeah, I’m sure that has no sway at all when it comes to picking person of the year, sorry, ‘physical entity of the year’.

We’ll just have to wait and see who/what they actually pick. Only Time will tell.

For more news on AI being the best thing ever that everyone should love, read this: Scientists Just Unlocked A “Universal” AI Jailbreak And You Won’t Believe How