Year: 2026

President Donald F. Trump just broke an all time record for longest State Of Union address and lowest approval ratings but still put on a brave face and said everything is alright.

Ignoring rising costs for everything, soaring house prices, unrest in Minnesota, Trump rambled on about how he’s doing great and everything’s fine and there’s nothing to worry about so be quiet please.

Wall Street reacted a little, I guess, but this is just a speech, it’s not any substantive change so there wasn’t much to react to I suppose. Traders are much more focused on Nvidia’s upcoming earnings report which matters a lot more really.

In order to pad out the run time, Trump paraded out Olympic medal winners, Charlie Kirk’s wife and JD Vance was there for some reason??

But perhaps the highlight of the event was when every single member of the republican party was removed after disrupting Trump’s speech by whooping and chanting “U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” repeatedly.

House Speaker Mike Johnson banged his gavel and instructed the Republicans to “Uphold and maintain decorum in the House and to cease and further disruptions” multiple times. However, the representatives were simply too excited by Trump’s words and had to be forcibly removed from the chamber by the sergeant at arms.

The chanting and cheers continued as the republican representatives resisted their ejection in what many are now calling “reverse January 6th”.

“I don’t know why we were kicked out, sure they were disruptions, but they were positive disruptions,” explained Senator Ted Cruz outside the Capitol. “Yes, I was chanting at the top of my lungs but how could you not? It’s not everyday you get to meet your second favorite president.”

When Trump was finally able to continue highlighting his accomplishments, Rep. Johnson noted that Democrats were also disruptive by engaging in subtle and not so subtle protests against the president. Some wore badges saying, “RELEASE THE FILES” and “I LIKE ROCKS” (but that last one might have been about something else).

The House Speaker then called for all these members to be ejected from the chamber as well and finally Rep. Johnson ejected himself for banging his gavel too loudly. This left the building entirely empty but for Trump.

Undeterred, the president continued his speech to an empty room. It is unclear what was said as no one was their to witness it. Republicans are now stumped as to what to do policy-wise as the popular riddle asks, “If a Trump makes a speech in an empty congress hall and no one is there to hear it, do his tariffs still apply?”

Rep. Al Green’s whereabouts remain unknown although he is now presumed dead.

Stick with Wall Street Meams Dot Com for more political discourse that’s up to the minute (but obviously not this exact minute, or the next one, just, I meant whatever minute I’m writing about, leave me alone.).