Bill Fold | Wall Street Memes

Richest man in the world and all round nice guy, Elon Musk, has come under fire from his baby mama and former political commentator, Ashley St. Clair.

But that’s the end of the story, to explain, let’s go back to the beginning.

Elon’s father Errol, who has been accused multiple times of sexual misconduct and domestic abuse once said that, “The only thing we on Earth for is to reproduce.” And whilst hopefully his father’s other views didn’t rub off, it seems like Elon might have taken that last point to heart.

Elon has fathered at least fourteen different children with multiple women, seemingly operating as a human sperm bank, rarely with the intention of actually raising the children.

One of these women is Ashley St. Clair, a popular rightwing influencer and author of an anti-trans children’s book. She made contact with Musk on Twitter and then became pregnant shortly after.

Ashley and her child have only met Musk for a few hours since (he’s a busy guy) and has publicly fallen out with the billionaire.

Her subsequent falling off of the right wing bandwagon, and denouncement of her previous views along with all things Musk has drawn the ire of Musk’s legion of fans.

And now we get to the present day because Musk’s followers have weaponised X’s controversial porn image generator to sexualise pictures of St. Clair specifically. And that’s just not cool guys.

St. Clair has now sued Musk’s AI company adding to growing political and legal pressure against the new feature which xAI said they have now taken down.

Who knows what’ll come out of St. Clair’s lawsuit but either way, we really are in the darkest timeline, aren’t we?

No.

Shit, this seems like a joke. I thought DOGE was done, weren’t we done with that? Like, it’s a dead meme. I know that everyone was praying for the great meme reset of 2026, but it hasn’t happened. We’re not going back to DOGE and pepe and all that garbage, it’s cringe guys, please, let it die…

Except, NO! Because the Senate Banking Committee’s newest draft legislation would create non-ancillary asset classification (whatever that means) for XRP, Solana, Dogecoin and Bitcoin, basically putting them all on a level legal footing.

It’s what the founding fathers would have wanted

I mean, all this is probably a good thing. I know the whole point is deregulation and decentralisation and a lack of government interference and all that but also all you crypto bros also want this to be taken seriously and used as a proper currency.

So here we are, this is one more step toward legitimacy. Litecoin, Hedera, Dogecoin, Chainlink, XRP, Solana and BiGbuttCoin will all get the same regulatory treatment as Bitcoin and Ethereum.

It really is the year of the Dogehwwhh (sorry, I just vomited in my mouth a little) with a soaring price, beating out Bitcoin just a few days ago.

Likewise Ethereum is predicted to hit $40,000 by 2030 and Bitcoin will ATH this year according to Standard Chartered.

No doubt this latest news will add to their gains too.

So that’s exciting.

Can’t afford McDonald’s? He’s in the big leagues now.

The world’s most popular YouTuber (no, not Steve1989MREInfo), Mr ‘Jimmy’ Beast, might be worth $2.6 billion but technically he’s broke and honestly, it’s not surprising.

Because we all know by now that this is how the ultra wealthy operate. The world’s richest man, Elon Musk is famously cash poor, securing massive bank loans by using his stock options as collateral, getting another loan when the first runs out and just all round running a ponzi scheme.

Well, now MrBeast can say he’s made it because he’s entering the same boat. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal to promote his new TV show (remember, everthing is an advert) Jimmy had this to say, “I’m borrowing money. That’s how little money I have. Technically, everyone watching this video has more money than me in their bank account if you subtract the equity value of my company, which doesn’t buy me McDonald’s in the morning.”

MrBeast? More like mr yeast, amiright?

He’s covered this a few times in the press, saying that he reinvests all the money he makes into his videos. Posting on X, Donaldson said, “I personally have very little money because I reinvest everything (I think this year we’ll spend around a quarter of a billion on content). Ironically I’m actually borrowing $ from my mom to pay for my upcoming wedding but sure, on paper the businesses I own are worth a lot.”

The post was in response to someone claiming that he didn’t inherit his wealth but guys, he’s literally called ‘Donaldson’, you think he didn’t get even a little bit of money from daddy Trump?

But there you have it. Maybe you, dear reader, and Mr Beasty boy have more in common than you think. Maybe you’re not such a failure after all. Maybe the next time your mom asks you to pay her back for the one time she paid for your bail after you accidentally committed an arson, you can just say that actually, MrBeast wouldn’t be able to pay you back either so I’m not a useless bum actually.

For more MrBeast news, try this on for size: MrBeast Starts Funding Round, Must Not Leave Circle For $5 Billion

You need enough followers. Like Jesus.

I don’t care any more, I have no shame, what, you thought I had shame? No, I’m doing it, I’m sharing my feet pics.

You think I’ve got ugly feet? Bitch, it doesn’t matter, people love ugly feet. I need that Visa, my Honduran travel visa expired 18 months ago and I’ve been working at an organic armadillo ranch on the sly this whole time. They pay me in cash and armadillo teeth and don’t ask questions but I think they’re starting to get suspicious so I need to bounce real soon.

Look, this visa was designed for painters and musicians and interesting people, but you know what else is art? Big boobies. Yeah, I said it, cancel me.

Turns out the immigration office switched to a more algorithmic adjudication system which made it much easier to game with big numbers like follower count and subscription earnings.

These are O-1B visas and they have blown up 50% in the last decade, partially because it’s a bit easier to get in that way.

I want to be in Ame-ri-ca.

But here’s the thing no one’s talking about: we NEED onlyfans stars, we need them here and we need them now.

They are the lifeblood of this economy. Hell, if anyone understands the American Dream it’s a scrappy young Turkish woman just trying to make a living the only way she knows how and that’s selling electric fans on the internet.

They keep you cool, increase airflow, I really don’t know what’s not to like. Why is everyone complaining here? I say let them in!

I for one am a fan.

The Consumer Electronics Show (CES) by the Consumer Technology Association (CTA) is in full swing at the Las Vegas Convention Center (LVCC) and AMD, INTC and NVDA all pulled out big WTF reveals.

Let’s start with AMD:

The HELIOS AI Rack

AMD can now claim they’ve got a great rack with a direct competitor with whatever Nvidia’s got going.

The Vera Rubin NVL72

Who? I actually don’t understand what that is. Is it a new data center? That could be a new terminator for all I know. Speaking of Terminators…

Nvidia’s big reveals include:

Collaborations with Boston Dynamics, Caterpillar, LG and NEURA Robotics

These companies are apparently already using Nvidia’s AI to program their humanoid robotics learning technology things. Nothing going to go wrong there for sure.

AI Self-Driving Cars

‘Alpamayo’ is Nvidia’s new breed of AI powered self-driving cars, finely tuned to tell the difference between an unarmed pedestrian and a solid wall, despite plowing into both. Tesla watch your back.

And finally here’s the intel on Intel:

New AI Chips For Laptops

Geez, get a new buzzword already. These new Panther Lake chips are known ‌as Intel Core Ultra Series 3 ALRIGHT, I TAKE IT BACK, THAT’S ENOUGH NEW BUZZWORDS!!

Also probably something else, but mainly the chips.

I’m sure they spoke about other stuff but the new chips were the headline act.

All in all, I think that’s a pretty good CES. Probably the best CES I’ve ever had. Was it as good for you as it was for me? Let us know in the AI-powered comments section below:

2026 kicked off with record optimism as millions of employees logged on remotely just long enough to confirm their laptops still exist.

Workers across industries proudly marked themselves “online,” a term that now means “near a device and thinking about emails emotionally.”

Slack activity surged briefly as employees sent strategic messages like “Happy New Year!” to establish presence without commitment and then wiggle their mouse a little bit every twenty minutes.

Managers reported high morale after several team members replied “circling back soon,” a phrase economists classify as fictional output. One employee claimed to be “heads down on priorities,” despite being in the cinema watching the new Avatar.

Calendar data also shows meetings were scheduled, ignored, rescheduled, and then quietly removed in what experts call peak productivity theater.

Emails sent this week averaged six words and zero decisions, setting a strong tone of intentional ambiguity for the year ahead, however, IT departments confirmed nothing was broken, largely because no one tried to use anything yet. Meanwhile, auto-replies insisting “limited access” continued firing like a lie detector that’s been unplugged.

Sales in “teaspoons to put on the trackpad so it seems like there’s activity” are reportedly through the roof however.

Executives praised the smooth start to 2026, noting that pretending to work is still technically work if everyone agrees. At time of writing, employees were seen opening spreadsheets, sighing deeply, and closing them to “revisit after the holidays,” which somehow still aren’t over.

Leading economists announced that the average New Year’s hangover will require two full fiscal quarters to recover from, citing inflation, dehydration, and “whatever that last shot was.”

The report explains that while physical symptoms may fade by Tuesday, emotional damage from drunk texts is expected to linger well into Q2. “Consumers attempted aggressive year-end liquidity events,” said one analyst, referring to tequila shots as if they were a sound financial instrument.

According to the data, productivity is projected to remain flat until at least April, when workers finally stop saying “I’m never drinking again” with a straight face. Researchers confirmed that coffee provides only temporary relief, much like government stimulus but louder and shakier.

The study also notes that memories from the night are marked as “non-recoverable assets,” despite multiple failed attempts to reconstruct them via group chat.

Hospitals reported a surge in patients asking doctors to “just run a quick diagnostic” on their life choices.
Meanwhile, employers have adjusted expectations, acknowledging that “working from home” today really means “lying down near a charger.”

One economist warned that attempting a “hair of the dog” strategy often leads to a double-dip recession, but admitted it remains politically popular.

Markets reacted calmly to the news, largely because no one was sober enough to trade.
At press time, economists revised their forecast upward after discovering brunch plans, confirming the recovery timeline now depends entirely on mimosas.

At exactly midnight, finance bro Kyle Henderson stood on a barstool, screamed “TO THE MOON,” and accidentally sprayed champagne onto his boss, proving that volatility applies to careers too.

Witnesses say Kyle believed the new year symbolized “a breakout moment,” which is impressive optimism for someone whose bonus was already theoretical. He reportedly followed up his yell by chanting “diamond hands,” a phrase HR later confirmed is not a protected belief system.

According to coworkers, Kyle insisted the outburst was “priced in,” apparently confusing market theory with acceptable workplace behavior. His manager stared silently for a full 30 seconds, a pause analysts are now calling a clear bearish signal. Kyle attempted damage control by pulling up a chart on his phone, which somehow made everything worse, much like charts usually do.

At 12:05 a.m., Kyle received an email titled “Quick Sync”, a message historically known to mean “update your LinkedIn.” He claims the firing was “short-term noise,” a bold take from someone being escorted out by security.

As he left, Kyle reassured colleagues that he was “still bullish on his personal brand,” despite not having income, dignity, or a chair anymore.

Friends say Kyle remains optimistic and plans to “double down” on crypto, which is comforting in the same way yelling “clear skies” during a hurricane is comforting. He has already tweeted that getting fired was “actually good news,” because it gives him more time to grind, reflect, and avoid explaining this to his parents.

At press time, Kyle was seen ringing in the new year alone, whispering “WAGMI” to a frozen ATM screen that strongly disagreed.

At precisely 11:59 p.m. on New Year’s Eve, a group of hoodie-clad crypto enthusiasts raised their craft IPAs, clinked glasses, and confidently declared that next year would finally be “the real bull run,” marking the sixth consecutive year the same prediction has been made with unwavering conviction.

“Bro, it’s all lining up,” said Mark “DiamondHands” Reynolds, gesturing at a laptop displaying six tabs of half-understood charts, two paused YouTube videos titled WHY THIS CYCLE IS DIFFERENT, and a wallet balance he described as “temporarily misunderstood.” “Last year was just accumulation. And the year before that. And the year before that. But this year? This year is different.”

The annual ritual, now considered a sacred tradition in crypto circles, involves revisiting old tweets, deleting price predictions from the previous January, and announcing on social media that “the weak hands are shaken out.” According to attendees, the bull run was delayed this time due to a complex mix of macroeconomic conditions, bad vibes, mainstream media, and “people who just don’t get it.”

“This is basically 2017 all over again,” explained another attendee, while refusing to specify which part of 2017. “Institutions are coming. Retail is coming back. My cousin is thinking about NFTs again. You don’t see signals clearer than that.”

The toast itself was accompanied by a PowerPoint presentation titled Roadmap to Financial Freedom (Final_v9_REAL_FINAL_THIS_ONE.pdf), which outlined an ambitious plan involving dollar-cost averaging, passive income from staking, and retiring by 32—just as soon as the market “wakes up.”

Veterans of the group acknowledged that optimism has remained impressively stable despite prices fluctuating wildly, projects disappearing overnight, and several members quietly rejoining the workforce.

“Yeah, okay, I took a job again,” admitted Reynolds. “But that’s just to stay liquid for the dip before the rip. Totally strategic.”

Several crypto bros also emphasized that they are “early,” a term here defined as “any time before personal financial success.” One member proudly noted that while his portfolio is down 87%, his conviction is up “at least 300%.”

Critics outside the group have questioned whether the bull run might be more metaphorical than financial at this point. Crypto bros quickly dismissed such concerns, pointing out that the four-year cycle, the halving, the supercycle, the inverse head-and-shoulders, and “a guy on Twitter with laser eyes” all agree that patience will soon be rewarded.

As midnight struck, the group shouted their traditional chant: “WAGMI!”—short for We’re All Gonna Make It, a phrase that has aged like milk yet continues to be spoken with the enthusiasm of a startup pitch deck.

At press time, several members were already drafting tweets explaining why the bull run didn’t start on January 1 after all, but will definitely begin “mid-Q2 at the latest.”

“Just zoom out,” Reynolds said calmly, as his screen refreshed to show another red candle. “Long-term, this is generational wealth.”

The group then agreed to reconvene next year to celebrate the next next year’s bull run, confident that eventually, statistically speaking, they’ll be right.

Donaldent Presitrump just announced a “Warrior Dividend” available to anyone with an axe, braids and a horned helmet. Oh, no wait, sorry, different kind of warrior. Trump checks will go to American servicemen in the MODERN day. Ahh, that makes more sense.

The news came in Trump’s latest press conference hailing the success of his tariffs and how stupid and sucky Joe Biden still is (remember him?).

The amount is a one off payment of one thousand, seven hundred and seventy six dollars ($1,776) which seems like a completely random number but it actually has a really interesting history, so let’s break down the origins of that strange number…

…How does a BASTARD, ORPHAN, son of a WHORE and a SCOTSMAN, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by providence, impoverished, in squalor, grow up to be a hero and a scholar? Etc. etc.

You with me now? THAT’S RIGHT! 1776 is a date… And on February 17th, Edward Gibbon published his first volume of The History of the Decline Fall of the Roman Empire and you just know Trump’s always thinking about the Roman Empire and wanted to commemorate such an event.

Wait, that’s not it… maybe it’s that in March of 1776 restrictions on the cereal trade in Sweden were lifted? Whatever that means, Wikipedia…

Oh, you know what, Trump’s probably referencing the death date of French magistrate Pierre-Robert Le Cornier de Cideville. I know Trump’s a big fan and he’s always said how he wants America’s servicemen to remember their 18th century French bureaucrats.

Or maybe we’ll just never know. It’s very possible Trump selected this specific number at random and if that’s the case, the meaning of it will simply be lost to the mists of time…