2026 | Wall Street Memes

The mayor of the California city of Arcadia, Eileen Wang, suddenly resigned from her position this week after the Department of Justice charged her with “one count of acting in the United States as an illegal agent” of China.

When reached for comment, the DoJ declined to explain what a ‘legal agent of China’ might be.

The former mayor has pleaded guilty to the felony charge and could face up to 10 years in prison. Now that might seem harsh, but ‘up to’ does mean that ‘zero years in prison’ is still on the cards. She could face ‘up to a billion years in prison’ and be fine. Hopefully, she’s a glass-half-full kind of person.

Before taking office, Wang ran a local Chinese American news website with her then-fiancé, Yaoning “Mike” Sun. According to the plea deal, her website regularly posted propaganda from the People’s Republic of China. Not a good look.

In one example, a PRC official sent Wang a pre-written news article in a WeChat chat.

The article read, “China’s Stance on the Xinjiang Issue – There is no genocide in Xinjiang; there is no such thing as ‘forced labor’ in any production activity, including cotton production. Spreading such rumor to do defame China, destroy Xinjiang’s safety and stability, weaken local economy, suppress China’s development.”

Persuasive stuff.

Within minutes, Wang had posted the article on her website, ‘US News Center’, and received a “So fast, thank you everyone,” from the PRC official.

So, all in all, it’s not really what you want from your local mayor.

This story comes in the wake of the breaking news that Donald Trump is planning a crucial diplomatic trip to China, hoping to secure a trillion-dollar investment in American manufacturing. Trump brings with him a long list of tech CEOs and investors, including Elon Musk, Larry Fink, Tim Cook, and executives from Boeing, Meta, and Visa.

Eileen Wang unfortunately did not make the guest list.

We are just a couple of weeks into the OpenAI trial, and already we’ve had Elon Musk saying that AI “Could kill us all.” Surely there can’t be any more revelations, right?

Well, turns out there’s one big mystery that needs solving, and that’s why Sam Altman was ousted from the company for just five days in November 2023, an event so notable it has its own Wikipedia page and an upcoming movie adaptation starring Andrew Garfield (no, really).

Someone who might know is the CEO of Microsoft, one of OpenAI’s largest backers. Satya Nadella, do you have any answers?

No…? Ok then, moving on.

As Nadella tells it, Microsoft was not given a heads-up regarding the coup and was hit with a 3% stock drop following the news. Nadella also says that he was only informed when he was pulled out of a meeting, then never given full “clarity” over Altman’s firing.

The Microsoft CEO claimed the reason he was given was that Sam Altman was not open and communicative with board members. Nadella didn’t think this was justified and speculated that “There may have been some jealousy… coming through.”

But there might be some truth to that weak excuse Nadella got. As OpenAI co-founder Ilya Sutskever explained, he’d said Altman had a “consistent pattern of lying,” creating a toxic environment ill-suited to developing a safe AI.

However, Sutskever also called the firing “rushed” and was one of the many employees and investors who signed the successful petition calling for Altman’s reinstatement.

The plot thickens.

So what actually happened? And how does this affect the ongoing trial? Well, maybe we’ll never know the full details…

OR maybe we’ll find out EVERYTHING when Artificial starring Andrew Garfield as Sam Altman, Yura Borisov as Ilya Sutskever and Ike Barinholtz as Elon Musk comes to the big screen in 2027!

“I have one simple request, and that is to have dolphins with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.”

Last month, the Wall Street Journal (no relation) reported that Iran was looking for creative solutions to America’s blockade of the Strait of Hormuz, including some very creative solutions such as “kamikaze dolphins.”

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chair General Dan Caine were then asked about these rumors at a recent press briefing. Caine replied, “I haven’t heard the kamikaze dolphins thing… You mean like sharks with laser beams?”

Hegseth then took the wheel, responding, “I can’t confirm or deny whether we have kamikaze dolphins, but I can confirm they [Iran] don’t.”

OK, none of us were thinking you had kamikaze dolphins, but we definitely are now.

To be fair, the idea isn’t without precedent.

In World War II, the Soviet army trained explosive dogs to run under enemy tanks, but the bomb-laden dogs continually returned to their Russian trainers and were deemed ineffective. Bomb-donkeys, bomb-horses, and bomb-bats have all been used to varying degrees of success, but there are no recorded cases of exploding dolphins.

But that doesn’t mean dolphins aren’t used in warfare.

Dolphins are very intelligent and are routinely trained to help militaries across the world detect underwater obstacles and spot intruders arriving at seaports.

Most relevantly, in 2000, the BBC reported that Iran was purchasing dolphins for a similar program, which might be the origin of the WSJ kamikaze rumor, which has not been substantiated.

The US Navy, for its part, runs the Marine Mammal Program, which explains that, “Mines and other potentially dangerous objects on the ocean floor that are difficult to detect with electronic sonar, especially in coastal shallows or cluttered harbors, are easily found by the dolphins.”

But, after a panic in the 90s that these trained dolphins might be used as weapons, the declassified project revealed no such plan. In fact, the dolphins are reportedly free to leave the program whenever they enter open waters.

That’s nice.

Of course, Hegseth’s ‘can neither confirm nor deny’ adds fuel to the fire of this kamikaze dolphin rumor, but that was likely a default, ‘best to keep ‘em guessing’ tactic and not an admission of anything.

Probably more telling is General Caine’s initial reaction: laugh it off and quote Austin Powers.

The richest man in the world, Elon Musk just posted-then-deleted a cryptic X post on his social media platform, ‘X’.

The post read:

“Bitches
Money
No Taxes
Party”

Musk offered no explanation and merely deleted the X 18 hours later but not before the post gained 48 million views, 300,000 likes and a swath of unhinged memes.

So what was Musk actually trying to say?

Well, Elon was clearly trying to signal something to all of us and it turns out that if you take the first letter of each word it spells: “BMNTP” which is exactly the sound you might make if you were beatboxing, meaning that he’s going to ‘beat’ ‘boxing’ because he’s going to win against Mark Zuckerberg in a previously-unannounced but upcoming cage match. It all makes sense now.

OR… an anagram of Elon’s Tweet is “Chatterbox mistypes, anyone?” meaning that he didn’t even mean to type all that and it was all a typo from the prolific chatterbox. Ahh, of course, that’s probably it.

OR…!! Maybe Elon meant what he said and this is a list of the things that he has recently acquired.

OR MAYBE… it’s a grocery list? These are things that he needs to pick up while he’s out. That’s why he deleted it because he already picked them up and doesn’t need the reminder any more.

ORRRR!!!! He’s addressing someone, he’s talking to a group of women, “Bitches. Money? No, taxes. Party!” He’s thinking out loud to a group of his favorite women and realises that taxes is a viable source of income and then suggests they celebrate this revelation.

ORRRR MMAAYYBEEE IT’S A HAIKU. ELON IS GETTING INTO POETRY.

OR HE FELL ASLEEP ON THE KEYBOARD.

OR HE ASKED GROK TO TWEET FOR HIM.

OR IT’S A GENUINE INVITE TO THE ‘BITCHES-MONEY-NO-TAXES PARTY’

OR IT’S THE TITLE OF HIS NEW AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

…or it’s just a fun little late night Tweet that he decided against the next morning. We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

Claude’s daddy, Anthropic, just inked a deal with SpaceX (SpaceXAI) to use the full computing power of SpaceX’s Colossus 1 data facility, giving them 300 more megawatts in capacity.

Paid plans will now have double the Claude Code limit. So, win-win.

Here’s Anthropic’s statement on X (SpaceXAI), “We’ve agreed to a partnership with @SpaceX that will substantially increase our compute capacity. This, along with our other recent compute deals, means that we’ve been able to increase our usage limits for Claude Code and the Claude API.”

It’s good news for Anthropic who needed more computing power following a surge in interest in their ‘Claude Code’ and it’s good news for Elon Musk who was keen to win AI investors’ trust ahead of SpaceXXX’s upcoming IPO.

For anyone questioning Elon’s AI ambitions (‘AImbitions’ if you will), this is a clear and singular direction for the rocket manufacturer-turned AI/social media company. SpaceX will be an AI-first company (as evidenced by the SpaceXAI rebrand).

Anthropic does seem like an odd choice to partner with as previously, Elon criticised the rival AI maker, Tweeting out, “Frankly, I don’t think ⁠there is anything you can do to escape the inevitable irony of Anthropic ending up being misanthropic.”

But now Elon seems to embrace Anthropic with open “AIrms”.

In what was 100% a subtle dig at Sam Altman, Musk wrote that “No one set off my evil detector,” after meeting with the Anthropic leaders who convinced Elon they were ensuring Claude would be “Good for humanity.”

So now the real question is, what happens to poor old Grok?

With this collaboration (and the dissolving of xAI), will Twitter’s own controversial AI chatbot be put down like a sick dog so Claude can take center stage?

Hopefully not.

Hopefully, Claude, Gemini, Grok, ChatGPT, and all the rest will have a FIGHT TO THE DEATH, and only the last one standing will be allowed to suggest slightly incorrect stroganoff recipes to me.

Xbox, the one X-themed company not owned by Elon Musk, is in dire straits at the moment, facing declining sales made worse by several crucial business missteps.

Just this year, Microsoft Gaming’s revenue has been down 7%. Content and services: down 5%. And hardware revenue (mostly from Xbox consoles themselves) is down 33%.

But now with new CEO, Asha Sharma, at the helm, Xbox is making some rapid U-turns.

Firstly, she’s dropping development on the wildly unpopular AI gaming assistant ‘Copilot’. This tool was pitched as “your personal gaming sidekick with Xbox.” Oh, cool, I bet there were lots of things it could do, right? “With in-game assistance, get unstuck, pass roadblocks, and level-up your gameplay.” Oh nice, so it can do real-time walk-throughs that’s a cool feature, what else can it do?

“The guide you want, when you want it. Brainstorm strategies and get tips or insights with personalized coaching.” Ah, OK, so it can just do walk-throughs. Gotcha.

Sharma has also shaken up the Xbox leadership, bringing over four colleagues from her former AI division and shuffling around a number of other roles.

Last month Sharma also ended the “This is an Xbox” marketing campaign (presumably because people now know what an Xbox is), she dropped the ‘Microsoft Gaming’ branding, unveiled a new logo, and cut the price of the Xbox Game Pass.

(Just an aside on ‘This is an Xbox’. The whole campaign was designed to say that anything could be an Xbox, your phone, your TV, your laptop, basically saying that you don’t need to buy an Xbox anymore. Just an incredible self-own, guys.)

All smart changes, but will they be enough to right the sinking ship and compete with overachievers like PlayStation and Nintendo?

Good question! Let’s ask Gaming Copilot (Beta)! Hey, Copilot, will Xbox get back on track and become a successful gaming console again?

“Sure, I can offer tips… hints… anything you need.”

Ok, yeah, well, an answer to my question would be great.

“It really depends on your playstyle. If you’re looking for an AOE blast, ‘Weaver’s Bliss’ is the way to go. But if you like attacking from a distance, definitely go with ‘Amflied Rend’.”

…What? What are you talking about? Someone shut this thing down. Oh, you have? OK, great.

That’s a great question, thanks for asking…

Anthropic! The minds behind your best friend, Claude, have just unveiled 10 finance-first AI tools, and so, in no particular order, here are our:

TOP TEN FINANCE-FIRST AI TOOLS UNVEILED BY ANTHROPIC:

Pitch builder, which, wait, let me guess, builds pitches?
Meeting preparer, err, does it… prepare meetings?
Earnings reviewer, reviews earnings, I presume?
Model builder, OK, it builds models. I get it.
Market researcher, it RESEARCHES MARKETS. I understand.
Valuation reviewer, reviews valuations, yes. I know. Are they all going to be named like this?
General ledger, I’m understanding the pattern now. It ledges generals.
Month-end closer, closes the month-end? What? What are you talking about?
Statement auditor, audits statements. OK, I think I know what that means…
KYC screener, KYC is ‘know your customer’, so this tool screens know your customers. Yeah. That makes sense.

Pretty useful stuff. Well, presumably useful if you’re a bank or other financial entity. And apparently these tools work across Excel, PowerPoint, Word, Microsoft 365 and Outlook (but not yet, hold your horses, they’re still working on that one).

But the question remains: is AI the future of finance? Well, that’s a great question, thanks for asking, but of course, we won’t know until the future arrives. Anthropic certainly thinks so, but they are an AI company, so they would say that.

A better question (but in much worse English) might be, is AI the present of finance? And to that the answer is: yes.

AI has already had a massive influence on the financial world, not only with the economic impact of the ballooning tech sector, but in the application of AI tools in finance. Trading and investment, underwriting, auditing, and anti-money laundering have all made use of bespoke AI tools.

In fact, finance was one of the first sectors to embrace machine learning technologies, beginning way back in 1987, “When Security Pacific National Bank launched a fraud prevention task-force to counter the unauthorized use of debit cards.” At least that’s according to my buddy John Wiki Pedia.

So AI has very much been a part of the finance world’s past and present. If you had to guess, it seems a safe bet to say AI will be part of finance’s future too.

TLDR: Yes.

The world’s richest man, Elon ‘The World’s Richest Man’ Musk, has announced that his AI company xAI will completely merge with his rocket company SpaceX to form the obviously-named ‘Xaispace’.

Sorry, no, I got that mixed up…

Since xAI already merged with ‘the social media platform formerly known as Twitter’ (X), the new company will acknowledge this legacy and be named SpaceXX(formerly known as Twitter)xAI. Or SpaceXXXAI for short.

Except… that domain is already taken by an incredibly not safe for work website, so we’re just going to go with SpaceXAI for now.

Is that all clear?

Great. Now, you might be asking, what do AI and space have in common? Well, other than both being a soulless void, space could easily be the next frontier for AI investment. You see, if no one in Texas wants an AI datacenter, we have to look somewhere else that has lots of space.

And there’s only one space with more space than Texas:

Space.

Yes, the grand plan is to deploy orbital datacenters to handle Earth’s growing AI usage. And if that all sounds like science fiction, well, it is until it happens, but Blue Origin and Microsoft are all looking in the same direction:

Up. (Space.)

We’ll just have to wait and see how this merger will affect SpaceX’s upcoming IPO but if things stay on track, SpaceX is due for a massive $1.75 TRILLION valuation with a little bit of xAI sprinkled in to sweeten the deal.

Sorry, sorry, I said ‘SpaceX’ again. Old habits. I MEANT to say:

SPACEXX(THE SOCIAL MEDIA FORMER KNOWN AS TWITTER)XAI/TESLA/GROK/DOGEIMUSMAXIMUS

The risk to the American public is “extremely low,” said the CDC

After an outbreak of the very-scary-sounding ‘hantavirus’ on the luxury cruise ship MV Hondius (which also sounds like a disease tbf), a number of passengers have now returned to their respective countries, including… America. Oh shit, that’s here!

Reportedly, the states of Georgia and California are monitoring residents who aren’t showing signs of illness.

It’s also worth noting that hantavirus only spreads from rat to human, not human to human (except in the rare cases of the Andes strain, but we just won’t mention that). So this is great for everyone and not so great for my cousin Björn, who works at a ‘rat zoo’ which I’m not sure is even a thing, but I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him kissing the rats a couple of times, and I said that was disgusting, but I’m pretty sure he still does it.

Anyway, three people died during the outbreak. Although only two are actually confirmed to have had the virus.

Rats.

In a statement, the CDC (Centers for Disease Control (why is that plural?)) said, “The Department of State is leading a coordinated, whole-of-government response including direct contact with passengers, diplomatic coordination, and engagement with domestic and international health authorities.”

‘Whole-of-government’? Not sure how the National Nuclear Security Administration is going to be much use here, but by all means, let them weigh in on this one.

The ship had passengers from 23 countries, consisting mostly of crew from the Philippines but including people from the UK, US, Spain, the Netherlands, Germany, should I list them all? Ok, fine, I’ll list them all: France, Ukraine, Canada, Australia, Turkey, Belgium, Ireland, India, Greece, Japan, New Zealand, Argentina, Poland, Russia, Portugal, Montenegro and GUATEMALA!

And the ship was sailing from Argentina when the outbreak suddenly occurred. Some passengers have already been evacuated but most are still onboard and will be quarantined when they arrive in Tenerife on May 9.

Stay tuned to see how this plays out.

In a collab advert (a ‘collad’ if you will), FOX Sports, FOX One and Indeed are doing a cross promotion to promote their separate services across each other, promotionally.

The advert is billed as “a nationwide search to fill the position of “FOX One Chief World Cup Watcher Hired Through Indeed” – a dream job for cultural moment fanatics across the country.” Well, as a ‘cultural moment fanatic’ myself, this sounds very exciting indeed.

And to add to the excitement, this is being billed as a real job paying a massive $50,000 salary to watch all 104 matches across the 39-day tournament. The winner will be tasked with live-streaming the World Cup from “their personal office – a custom-built, dream viewing space in the heart of New York City’s Times Square.”

And all using the FOX One streaming platform, of course.

How To Apply

So first, you need to have an Indeed profile or make one (and there’s the rub).

Set it to “employers can find you.”

Then post a video on social media explaining why you’re right for the job with the hashtag #ChiefWorldCupWatcher.

So, you know, how you’d apply for any other definitely real job.

And If You Get The Role…

…It’s going to be an interesting one to put on the resume.

“Now I’m seeing a gap in your employment history here: it just says ‘watched the soccer’?”

“Oh, no, that was a job. A real job Hired Through Indeed™. I was paid $50,000 to sit on the couch and watch soccer for a month. It was real, I didn’t dream it, I swear!”

Though to be fair, at least one person’s getting paid. How many people have been doing this for free every World Cup, like a sucker? All this time, you could have been earning a fortune? Who knew.

Do you think they can backdate these payments…?

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Latest news

California Ex-Mayor Pleads Guilty To Being A Chinese Agent

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Marge Incall• May 12, 2026D

California Ex-Mayor Pleads Guilty To Being A Chinese Agent

Marge Incall• D

California Ex-Mayor Pleads Guilty To Being A Chinese Agent

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