March, 2026 | Wall Street Memes

Sayonara, Sora!

In a massive pivot that might be a bellwether for the AI industry, OpenAI is officially shutting down their flagship video-generating app ‘Sora’, reportedly blindsiding partners like Disney.

Since its launch in 2024, Sora has made headlines with its hyper-realistic AI videos, but clearly OpenAI have failed to find a profitable use case for the tech.

fruit love island sora — Fuck. How am I going to watch ‘AI Fruit Love Island’, now??? Oh, that’s not Sora, Ok, never mind, carry on.

Whilst AI videos now seem to dominate internet content, few of them actually use Sora. OpenAI have one eye on their competitor, Anthropic’s Claude, who don’t provide video generation and have become the industry standard for professional AI.

In many ways, Sora has served its purpose of showcasing OpenAI’s tech visually to the general public and now it’s not making any money it can be quietly retired.

Disney Is FURIOUS (but in a polite, corporate way)

Just maybe not too quietly because, according to Reuters, Disney didn’t even know Sora was getting shut down until it was announced. And that’s mega awkward because Disney inked a massive one billion dollar investment in OpenAI’s video technology, hoping to license their own characters to AI users.

In response to the news, a Disney spokesperson tactfully said, “We respect OpenAI’s decision to exit the video generation business and to shift its priorities elsewhere.”

This doesn’t mean Disney is out of the AI video game altogether though and will likely find another partner to help achieve their twelve-fingered-princess dreams.

It’s unclear however whether this is the end of Disney’s OpenAI alliance all together or if Disney’s internal ‘DisneyGPT’ will continue to be used. Let’s assume yeah, though.

So will we see other companies pivot away from AI video generation? Probably not, but it is a massive shunning of the technology, which might have reached a peak in terms of its use.

Hey, I’m just heading to the store, do you want anything…? A 20 billion dollar base on the moon? Yeah, that’s not on the shopping list…

Oh, OK, you’re going to cancel the Lunar Gateway Station that you had planned? And repurpose the equipment for the moon base? Well, that’s lovely, but I think they only do fruits and vegetables. I can get you a kumquat?

Yeah, I think a moon base is going to take at least seven years to build, I’ve only got the afternoon because I’ve got to pick up the cat from the vets. …put down, yeah. I mean, I can make a start on the moon base then just see where I get to in a couple hours?

What’s that? “It should not really surprise anyone that we are pausing Gateway in its current form and focusing on infrastructure that supports sustained operations on the lunar surface.” OK, but I’m telling you I am surprised, I’m telling you none of this was on the shopping list.

“Despite some of the very real hardware and schedule challenges, we can repurpose equipment and international partner commitments to support surface and other program objectives.”

Yeah, no, that’s putting it lightly. I could maybe steal you a shopping trolley but I’m not sure that’s going to be much help. Look, I’m just saying this is a really big pivot, Jared.

Can I get you anything that’s actually reasonable? Lettuce? Mayonnaise? …A nuclear electric propelled deep space rocket to Mars? …I mean, if I can get it on my loyalty points, sure.

And that needs to be launched before 2028? Well, that’s plenty of time, order online and you won’t need next day delivery, just go standard and save yourself some money.

What’s that? You want to call it Space Reactor 1 Freedom? Alright, well in that case you’ve got two years to think of a new name too.

Look, I’m going to shops anyway, no, yes, I don’t care if China gets there first, I’m getting the basic groceries and for everything else you can just sort yourself out. Got it? Alright, see you later.

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang says that he thinks we’ve achieved Artificial General Intelligence also known as, AGI.

In case you hadn’t heard, artificial intelligence (AI) isn’t the holy grail that you imagined it was. No, because we’ve already made advanced software and then maybe jumped the gun by calling it AI we have to think up a new name for what’s been described by science fiction books and stuff.

And that’s AGI, as opposed to artificial narrowly intelligence, AGI can do almost anything you ask it to, unlike current AI which is shit.

But AI hype man, Jensen Huang recently spoke on a podcast saying that we’re already there. “I think it’s now. I think we’ve achieved AGI,” he said, before referencing OpenClaw and then saying an AI could probably run a company.

Way to put yourself out of a job.

Now, I say ‘wall street just went nuts’ and not going to lie, that was a lie. Wall street didn’t really react. In fact, Nvidia stock is down 6% this year. That was just a clickbaity headline to get you to click on this article. I’m sorry.

When AGI is actually created, I imagine the stock market might have something else to say about things, but until then, yeah, this is just more hype from a sector overstuffed with hype.

I don’t know what you expected here, but yeah, the FBI is buying up personal user data. This isn’t that surprising, I guess, but what’s news is that this is the first confirmation that they’re doing it after they said they weren’t back in 2023.

“We do purchase commercially available information that’s consistent with the Constitution and the laws under the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, and it has led to some valuable intelligence for us,” Patel told senators at the Intelligence Committee’s annual Worldwide Threats hearing.

Now it’s still true that the Supreme Court requires law enforcement to have a warrant before gathering data on people. But there’s no law against just picking up data if it’s already commercially available… LOOPHOLE!

The internet is a gold mine of personal data. Why shouldn’t the government be allowed their own pickaxe?

Well, now some politicians are arguing that this loophole should be closed because it’s fundamentally unamerican. Something, something freedom…

“Doing that without a warrant is an outrageous end run around the Fourth Amendment, it’s particularly dangerous given the use of artificial intelligence to comb through massive amounts of private information,” said Senator Ron Wyden.

But Committee Chair Tom Cotton clapped back, “The key words are commercially available. If any other person can buy it, and the FBI can buy it, and it helps them locate a depraved child molester or savage cartel leader, I would certainly hope the FBI is doing anything it can to keep Americans safe.”

Damn, why these guys all arguing all the time? Can’t they just agree on things? 🙁

This is all part of a series of ongoing senate hearings so we’ll just have to see how this plays out.

Good boy.

For all our technology and invention, we still can’t seem to improve upon the most tried and true of security methods: big guy in front of door. Some call it the oldest profession, because since the time of the ancients, big guy in front of door has been a staple of society, a cornerstone of civilization.

But now some people are trying to improve upon perfection. According to Business Insider, Boston Dynamics, the company that sells ‘Spot’ the robot guard dog, have “seen a huge, huge uptick in interest from data centers in the last year,” explained Merry Frayne, senior director of product management at Boston Dynamics, “which is probably not surprising given the investment in that space.”

Yeah, they’ve got money to burn. So why pay minimum wage to some pathetic human when you can spend $300,000 on something out of robocop?

Well because reportedly, Spot can do more than just security. This food legged friend can also keep on the lookout for malfunctioning machinery, safety hazards and won’t just chill in the office on its phone like Phil does. Come on Phil, what are we paying you for?

Robot Dogs? Now I’ve Seen Everything!

But is Spot a sign of things to come? Is a robot uprising on the horizon? Well, yes and no. long-term projections project robots could come to dominate manual labor jobs. Some estimates claim that 2030 could see robot shipments reach one million, for a revenue of $21 billion. This jumps to $5 trillion by 2050.

This isn’t the realty yet however as annual robot sales have flatlined at 500,000 units ever since 2021 with no signs of budging.

So what’s the barrier? Well, lots of things. Cost is a big one with prohibitive price tags barring all but the military and AI companies. If the average consumer is going to start buying, it’s going to have to be cheaper.

And then there’s the fact that the tech isn’t necessarily there yet. We’ve seen enough videos of robots falling over while trying to load a dishwasher to know they’re not helping out on a large scale any time soon.

Billionaire shark-who-is-also-a-human, Mark Cuban, bought a house that’s now worth $25 million dollars in money BUT THE CUBE got it for half its value at the time. For all you maths freaks out there, that’s a massive 50% discount.

So how did he do it? Well, it’s because the owner lost everything in a stock market crash and was forced to sell it. Oh, that’s not a very nice story. Wait, what’s that, the original owner spent three years building it himself for his wife and family? Oh, that’s really sad actually.

But who gives a DAMN about sentimental value. The CUBE knows a good deal when he sees one and this shark smelt blood in the water.

So good in fact that Mark bought the place without even looking round it. Calling it a “why the fuck now purchase.” Yeah, billionaires can just do that sort of thing.

“I’d never seen the house. I saw some pictures. I’d never been there. I was like, F–k yeah. I’m a billionaire.”

I hate you, Mark.

24,000 Mark Cuban-ic Feet

But there’s a lot us norms can learn from that, you know? For example, “Saving 30% to 50% buying in bulk—replenishable items from toothpaste to soup, or whatever I use a lot of—is the best guaranteed return on investment you can get anywhere,” said Mark in a 2010 Forbes interview.

Sure, yeah, OK, so bulk buy toothpaste, soup and mansions, got it. Great financial advice, nice. We can really learn a lot from this guy.

So, why are we talking about this now? Well, this purchase was back in the 90s and I have literally no idea why this is back in the news again. Fortune just ran a story on it but why tho? I guess it was a slow news day. It’s not like anything is happening in the world right now. And as the intrepid journalist that I am, I just blindly copied their headline without whether the content was even topical.

But hey, I guess you learned something today. Or if not, at least you had some fun and for a brief moment forgot the fact that you’ll likely never own your own home. Oh, damn, sorry, I reminded you again, my bad!

OK, there are a LOT of asterisks in that headline…

…because, when I say ‘architect’ I really mean, “aspiring architect”. …and when I say “unveils” what I really mean is ‘makes a website’. …and when I say “plan” I really mean, ‘3D model in SketchUp’. …and when I say ‘rebuild Twin Towers’ I actually mean ‘build two completely different buildings’…

…but ‘Aspiring Architect Makes Website For 3D SketchUp Model Of Two Random Buildings’ isn’t exactly clickbait now is it?

The “insane new feature” bit is true, though. You’ll never guess. OK, yeah, it’s lasers, how did you guess?

Our “aspiring architect and astronaut” (sic) obviously only wants to do step one of 9/11 (building the towers) and not step two. So to prevent this, the new buildings will have, “A radar tracking system, radio interception and communication antenna (to validate the threat) and as a last resort either anti-aircraft surface-to-air missiles (SAMs) or a multi-megawatt laser defense weapon” all mounted on the roof.

Makes sense, I mean, we all know airplane’s one weakness is laser pointers.

Twin Twin Towers

Oh and by the way, did I mention that these towers would be built in Chicago? Yeah. Oh and did I say they’d be massive data-centers? Because naturally, this is 2026 after all. Oh and did I mention the estimated cost is up to $20 billion?

Yeah, so, if you’re starting to think this isn’t a real thing, you’d be right.

This is the work of Raphael Chryslar (no relation) a aerospace engineering student in England. Chryslar has zero experience with architecture or construction but does have an obsession with the Twin Towers ever since he watched Home Alone 2 (his words, not mine) and now sports a tattoo of the WTC on his arm.

It all starts to fall into place when on the site, Chrysler describes himself as an “author, photographer, aerospace engineer, entrepreneur” and crucially, autistic. It seems that the Twin Towers just happens to be his hyperfixation.

And I’m not knocking anything here, it’s a neat-looking website and a lot of thought and work has gone into it. Will it get built? No. But maybe (hopefully) that’s not the point. As a fun fan-fiction (fan-architecture?) project, though, it’s well worth a look.

The strategist behind $200 billion investment firms, Rob Arnott has issued a warning against holding investments in the Magnificent 7. Not the movie, no, why would you think that? No, obviously the companies, what is wrong with you?

No, we’re talking about Alphabet (GOOGL), Amazon (AMZN), Apple (AAPL), Meta Platforms (META), Microsoft (MSFT), Nvidia (NVDA), and Tesla (TSLA). The big hitters, baby.

Well, Arnott predicts a 4% annual value gains and a 1.4% gain in growth continents. Idk what any of that means, but I guess those numbers are definitely small.

Magnificent? Haha, more like, ‘shit’

As Arnott explains it:

“The companies making money from AI are the ones selling the tools. They’re now lending to their own customers so that those customers can keep buying their stuff. And their customers are having a hard time monetizing that equipment.”

“These AI providers will figure out how to make money,” he says. “But not as fast as the expectations that are built into their stock prices. It will be a slow build over a long period, meaning returns on these stocks will be much lower than the market’s baked in.”

Bottom line is:

“If you’ve owned the Mag 7, say ‘thank you very much, Mag 7,’ and get out and don’t ride them back down.”

Sure, we’ve seen massive returns from them in the past but you want to quit while you’re ahead is the thing. Take what you’ve got and make a break for it.

These self-driving cars are programmed to move fast and break things

Uber has announced plans to invest $1.25 billion dollars in electric EV vehicle manufacturer, Rivian, in order to build a “robotaxi fleet” once again proving that in the tech world, humans are a bug, not a feature.

By 2031 Uber says they’ll have 50,000 autonomous R2 vehicles (exclusive to Uber) in 25 cities across North America and Europe, or putting it another way, that’s 50,000 drivers out of work.

Bear in mind that Uber already carved up the taxi industry, pushed everyone to follow the gig economy model then refused to put the pieces back together when it began unsustainable. Well, now they’re going to do the same thing, just this time with their own market and who cares if an entire industry gets broken along the way.

The irony is palpable. It’s kind of like Netflix being a DVD rental service then being the very company that kills the DVD.

But it does make sense, like Facebook, 23 And Me and Pokémon Go before them, Uber looks to be one of those bait and switch data harvesting schemes. I mean, they’ve spent years grabbing data on traffic, shortcuts, and routes from its drivers. Now they’ve got everything they need, it’s time to reveal the real plan: FULL MECHANISATION! AHHHHH!!

Uber? More like, screw people over! hahaha

Anyway, here’s a breakdown of the deal:

A bulk buy of 10,000 autonomous R2 EVs.
The option to buy 40,000 more beginning in 2030.
An initial $300 million investment in Rivian, pending regulatory approval.
Up to $1.25 billion investment committed through to 2032, subject to performance milestones.

Uber’s stock remained flat from the announcement for some reason but Rivian got a massive 10% bump. That’s almost one tenth of a hundred. Huge.

So yeah, we’ll see what happens next. But it could easily be that Uber ushers in the next era of autonomous vehicles just like they brought about the current era of taxi-ness.

Without any fanfare or announcement, the Executive Office of the President has registered the domain name, ‘aliens.gov’ and we only know about it because a bot flagged the registration.

When asked by Decrypt about this development, White House Principal Deputy Press Secretary Anna Kelly wrote “stay tuned,” followed by a smiling alien emoji.

This seems to imply Trump’s promise to release ‘the alien files’ (the X files?) might be coming to fruition. A month ago he ‘truthed’ that he’d direct the Defense Department to “begin the process of identifying and releasing” files related to aliens.

Now obviously this is yet another distraction to draw attention away from Trump’s bugbear, the Epstein Files (or the war in Iran, oil prices, take your pick). Yet this is something that the public have been asking for. Because people really want to believe, huh?

But if you were hoping that the government will publish confirmation of extraterrestrial life on this website, well, don’t hold your breath.

Aliens haven’t visited planet earth.

I know a lot of people will dispute that, you might even be reading this saying that I can’t possibly know and that’s why I want to make the statement crystal clear.

Aliens have not visited planet earth.

Sure, maybe there’s a slim chance that they have, but there’s a slim chance that unicorns exist that doesn’t mean you go around saying unicorns are real, no, you say, unicorns don’t exist.

Because how do we judge if something is real or not (can’t believe I have to explain this)? Have you witnessed direct evidence of the thing? Can you reliably measure something indirectly that would indicate the existence of the thing? Even without evidence, what is the likelihood, using other evidence, that the thing exists?

AND THEN ask these same questions to other explanations for the same sightings and you’re more likely to get to the real answer.

So with unicorns, for example, no one has seen a unicorn, no one has found indirect evidence of unicorns (a discarded horn, idk), and unicorns are unlikely to exist because we understand horse physiology, narwhal physiology etc and they’re very separate. And if they’re magical, well magic is pretty unlikely for its own separate line of questioning.

Now ask the same questions for other explanations for unicorns. We’ve seen stories about unicorns and can trace the folkloric lineage of unicorns back to the bronze age. We have indirect evidence of where people might have got the idea from (narwhal horns, idk). And stories about unicorns are likely to exist because unicorns are cool and you can come up with anything in stories.

So now let’s apply these questions to aliens:

Now you might say that people have seen evidence of aliens but I’d argue it’s often not direct evidence. Like, if you saw a light in the sky, you’ve not seen an alien, you’ve seen a light in the sky. For people that have directly experienced aliens however (like literally interacted with little green men or been probed or whatever) well, because our senses can be misleading (see: ‘dreams’) then we move on to the next question.

Do we have indirect evidence of something that would indicate aliens? Again, the answer is no. You might argue that whatever signs like crop circles or the pyramids or whatever indicate aliens but again those things are just the things themselves, the pyramids exist, yes, but they don’t say explicitly that aliens exist, you’ve made a leap there.

And then the last one, imagine we have no evidence pointing to or from aliens, what is the likelihood that aliens have visited earth? Well, we do understand quite a bit about the size of the universe and how difficult interstellar travel is and the likelihood of one tiny speck of space finding another speck of space is like throwing a grain of sand at a target the size of a grain of sand a mile away. Ie: unlikely.

Then alternatively if we run other explanations through the same line of questioning: we have direct evidence of humans regularly hallucinating, we can offer likely (even if not confirmed) explanations for supposed signs of aliens (aerial phenomena, optical illusions etc.) and the likelihood of those explanations are far higher than just simply ‘aliens’ because we’ve directly witnessed them existing in other instances.

So with all that, is there still a slim chance that aliens have visited earth? Yes, but in the same way that there’s a slim chance unicorns exist. It’s so, so, so unlikely and we have other more likely explanations then we might as well call it like it is:

Aliens have not visited planet earth.

So despite all that, I know you might not be convinced and I know a majority of Americans aren’t convinced and still want to believe. And so when this website goes live and Trump puts up a bunch of blurry footage of nothing you’ll all go wild for a few days. But then eventually we’ll move on and nothing will change so stoke more misinformation.

But let’s not do that this time, shall we? Let’s not get caught up in the hype.

Keep you’re feet on the ground, son, because you’re not getting beamed up any time soon.

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Sayonara, Sora!

Disney Is FURIOUS (but in a polite, corporate way)

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