2026 | Wall Street Memes

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang says that he thinks we’ve achieved Artificial General Intelligence also known as, AGI.

In case you hadn’t heard, artificial intelligence (AI) isn’t the holy grail that you imagined it was. No, because we’ve already made advanced software and then maybe jumped the gun by calling it AI we have to think up a new name for what’s been described by science fiction books and stuff.

And that’s AGI, as opposed to artificial narrowly intelligence, AGI can do almost anything you ask it to, unlike current AI which is shit.

But AI hype man, Jensen Huang recently spoke on a podcast saying that we’re already there. “I think it’s now. I think we’ve achieved AGI,” he said, before referencing OpenClaw and then saying an AI could probably run a company.

Way to put yourself out of a job.

Now, I say ‘wall street just went nuts’ and not going to lie, that was a lie. Wall street didn’t really react. In fact, Nvidia stock is down 6% this year.

When AGI is actually created, I imagine the stock market might have something else to say about things, but until then, yeah, this is just more hype from a sector overstuffed with hype.

I don’t know what you expected here, but yeah, the FBI is buying up personal user data. This isn’t that surprising, I guess, but what’s news is that this is the first confirmation that they’re doing it after they said they weren’t back in 2023.

“We do purchase commercially available information that’s consistent with the Constitution and the laws under the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, and it has led to some valuable intelligence for us,” Patel told senators at the Intelligence Committee’s annual Worldwide Threats hearing.

Now it’s still true that the Supreme Court requires law enforcement to have a warrant before gathering data on people. But there’s no law against just picking up data if it’s already commercially available… LOOPHOLE!

The internet is a gold mine of personal data. Why shouldn’t the government be allowed their own pickaxe?

Well, now some politicians are arguing that this loophole should be closed because it’s fundamentally unamerican. Something, something freedom…

“Doing that without a warrant is an outrageous end run around the Fourth Amendment, it’s particularly dangerous given the use of artificial intelligence to comb through massive amounts of private information,” said Senator Ron Wyden.

But Committee Chair Tom Cotton clapped back, “The key words are commercially available. If any other person can buy it, and the FBI can buy it, and it helps them locate a depraved child molester or savage cartel leader, I would certainly hope the FBI is doing anything it can to keep Americans safe.”

Damn, why these guys all arguing all the time? Can’t they just agree on things? 🙁

This is all part of a series of ongoing senate hearings so we’ll just have to see how this plays out.

Good boy.

For all our technology and invention, we still can’t seem to improve upon the most tried and true of security methods: big guy in front of door. Some call it the oldest profession, because since the time of the ancients, big guy in front of door has been a staple of society, a cornerstone of civilization.

But now some people are trying to improve upon perfection. According to Business Insider, Boston Dynamics, the company that sells ‘Spot’ the robot guard dog, have “seen a huge, huge uptick in interest from data centers in the last year,” explained Merry Frayne, senior director of product management at Boston Dynamics, “which is probably not surprising given the investment in that space.”

Yeah, they’ve got money to burn. So why pay minimum wage to some pathetic human when you can spend $300,000 on something out of robocop?

Well because reportedly, Spot can do more than just security. This food legged friend can also keep on the lookout for malfunctioning machinery, safety hazards and won’t just chill in the office on its phone like Phil does. Come on Phil, what are we paying you for?

Robot Dogs? Now I’ve Seen Everything!

But is Spot a sign of things to come? Is a robot uprising on the horizon? Well, yes and no. long-term projections project robots could come to dominate manual labor jobs. Some estimates claim that 2030 could see robot shipments reach one million, for a revenue of $21 billion. This jumps to $5 trillion by 2050.

This isn’t the realty yet however as annual robot sales have flatlined at 500,000 units ever since 2021 with no signs of budging.

So what’s the barrier? Well, lots of things. Cost is a big one with prohibitive price tags barring all but the military and AI companies. If the average consumer is going to start buying, it’s going to have to be cheaper.

And then there’s the fact that the tech isn’t necessarily there yet. We’ve seen enough videos of robots falling over while trying to load a dishwasher to know they’re not helping out on a large scale any time soon.

Billionaire shark-who-is-also-a-human, Mark Cuban, bought a house that’s now worth $25 million dollars in money BUT THE CUBE got it for half its value at the time. For all you math freaks out there, that’s a massive 50% discount.

So how did he do it? Well, it’s because the owner lost everything in a stock market crash and was forced to sell it. Oh, that’s not a very nice story. Wait, what’s that, the original owner spent three years building it himself for his wife and family? Oh, that’s really sad actually.

But who gives a DAMN about sentimental value. The CUBE knows a good deal when he sees one and this shark smelt blood in the water.

So good in fact that Mark bought the place without even looking round it. Calling it a “why the fuck now purchase.” Yeah, billionaires can just do that sort of thing.

“I’d never seen the house. I saw some pictures. I’d never been there. I was like, F–k yeah. I’m a billionaire.”

I hate you, Mark.

24,000 Mark Cuban-ic Feet

But there’s a lot us norms can learn from that, you know? For example, “Saving 30% to 50% buying in bulk—replenishable items from toothpaste to soup, or whatever I use a lot of—is the best guaranteed return on investment you can get anywhere,” said Mark in a 2010 Forbes interview.

Sure, yeah, OK, so bulk buy toothpaste, soup and mansions, got it. Great financial advice, nice. We can really learn a lot from this guy.

So, why are we talking about this now? Well, this purchase was back in the 90s and I have literally no idea why this is back in the news again. Fortune just ran a story on it but why tho? I guess it was a slow news day. It’s not like anything is happening in the world right now.

But hey, I guess you learned something today. Or if not, at least you had some fun and for a brief moment forgot the fact that you’ll likely never own your own home. Oh, damn, sorry, I reminded you again, my bad!

OK, there are a LOT of asterisks in that headline…

…because, when I say ‘architect’ I really mean, “aspiring architect”. …and when I say “unveils” what I really mean is ‘makes a website’. …and when I say “plan” I really mean, ‘3D model in SketchUp’. …and when I say ‘rebuild Twin Towers’ I actually mean ‘build two completely different buildings’…

…but ‘Aspiring Architect Makes Website For 3D SketchUp Model Of Two Random Buildings’ isn’t exactly news now is it?

The “insane new feature” bit is true, though. You’ll never guess. OK, yeah, it’s lasers, how did you guess?

Our “aspiring architect and astronaut” (sic) obviously only wants to do step one of 9/11 (building the towers) and not step two. So to prevent this, the new buildings will have, “A radar tracking system, radio interception and communication antenna (to validate the threat) and as a last resort either anti-aircraft surface-to-air missiles (SAMs) or a multi-megawatt laser defense weapon” all mounted on the roof.

Makes sense, I mean, we all know airplane’s one weakness is laser pointers.

Twin Twin Towers

Oh and by the way, did I mention that these towers would be built in Chicago? Yeah. Oh and did I say they’d be massive data-centers? Because naturally, this is 2026 after all. Oh and did I mention the estimated cost is up to $20 billion?

Yeah, so, if you’re starting to think this isn’t a real thing, you’d be right.

This is the work of Raphael Chryslar (no relation) a aerospace engineering student in England. Chryslar has zero experience with architecture or construction but does have an obsession with the Twin Towers ever since he watched Home Alone 2 (his words, not mine) and now sports a tattoo of the WTC on his arm.

It all starts to fall into place when on the site, Chrysler describes himself as an “author, photographer, aerospace engineer, entrepreneur” and crucially, autistic. It seems that the Twin Towers just happens to be his hyperfixation.

And I’m not knocking anything here, it’s a neat-looking website and a lot of thought and work has gone into it. Will it get built? No. But maybe (hopefully) that’s not the point. As a fun fan-fiction (fan-architecture?) project, though, it’s well worth a look.

The strategist behind $200 billion investment firms, Rob Arnott has issued a warning against holding investments in the Magnificent 7. Not the movie, no, why would you think that? No, obviously the companies, what is wrong with you?

No, we’re talking about Alphabet (GOOGL), Amazon (AMZN), Apple (AAPL), Meta Platforms (META), Microsoft (MSFT), Nvidia (NVDA), and Tesla (TSLA). The big hitters, baby.

Well, Arnott predicts a 4% annual value gains and a 1.4% gain in growth continents. I guess those numbers are definitely small.

Magnificent? Haha, more like, ‘shit’

As Arnott explains it:

“The companies making money from AI are the ones selling the tools. They’re now lending to their own customers so that those customers can keep buying their stuff. And their customers are having a hard time monetizing that equipment.”

“These AI providers will figure out how to make money,” he says. “But not as fast as the expectations that are built into their stock prices. It will be a slow build over a long period, meaning returns on these stocks will be much lower than the market’s baked in.”

Bottom line is:

“If you’ve owned the Mag 7, say ‘thank you very much, Mag 7,’ and get out and don’t ride them back down.”

Sure, we’ve seen massive returns from them in the past but you want to quit while you’re ahead is the thing. Take what you’ve got and make a break for it.

These self-driving cars are programmed to move fast and break things

Uber has announced plans to invest $1.25 billion dollars in electric EV vehicle manufacturer, Rivian, in order to build a “robotaxi fleet” once again proving that in the tech world, humans are a bug, not a feature.

By 2031 Uber says they’ll have 50,000 autonomous R2 vehicles (exclusive to Uber) in 25 cities across North America and Europe, or putting it another way, that’s 50,000 drivers out of work.

Bear in mind that Uber already carved up the taxi industry, pushed everyone to follow the gig economy model, then refused to put the pieces back together when it became unsustainable. Well, now they’re going to do the same thing, just this time with their own market. Who cares if an entire industry gets broken along the way?

The irony is palpable. It’s kind of like Netflix being a DVD rental service then being the very company that kills the DVD.

But it does make sense, like Facebook, 23 And Me and Pokémon Go before them, Uber looks to be one of those bait and switch data harvesting schemes. I mean, they’ve spent years grabbing data on traffic, shortcuts, and routes from its drivers. Now they’ve got everything they need, it’s time to reveal the real plan: FULL MECHANISATION! AHHHHH!!

Uber? More like, screwpeopleov-er! hahaha

Anyway, here’s a breakdown of the deal:

A bulk buy of 10,000 autonomous R2 EVs.
The option to buy 40,000 more beginning in 2030.
An initial $300 million investment in Rivian, pending regulatory approval.
Up to $1.25 billion investment committed through to 2032, subject to performance milestones.

Uber’s stock remained flat from the announcement for some reason but Rivian got a massive 10% bump. That’s almost one tenth of a hundred. Huge.

So yeah, we’ll see what happens next. But it could easily be that Uber ushers in the next era of autonomous vehicles just like they brought about the current era of taxi-ness.

Without any fanfare or announcement, the Executive Office of the President has registered the domain name, ‘aliens.gov’ and we only know about it because a bot flagged the registration.

When asked by Decrypt about this development, White House Principal Deputy Press Secretary Anna Kelly wrote “stay tuned,” followed by a smiling alien emoji.

This seems to imply Trump’s promise to release ‘the alien files’ (the X files?) might be coming to fruition. A month ago he ‘truthed’ that he’d direct the Defense Department to “begin the process of identifying and releasing” files related to aliens.

Now obviously this is yet another distraction to draw attention away from Trump’s bugbear, the Epstein Files (or the war in Iran, oil prices, take your pick). Yet this is something that the public have been asking for. Because people really want to believe, huh?

But if you were hoping that the government will publish confirmation of extraterrestrial life on this website, well, don’t hold your breath.

80 BILLION DOLLARS

That’s how much Meta (Facebook) spent on their now-defunct VR platform. If it helps to imagine, that’s roughly the GDP of Slovenia, oh that doesn’t help you? I’m sorry, I thought you were Slovenian…

Yes, it’s true, the day has FINALLY come. People are cheering in the streets. There are fireworks. They’re burning an effigy of Mark Zuckerberg. Because on June 15, Meta will shut down ‘Horizon Worlds’ the company’s flagship VR world.

Although the ‘game’ will still be available on mobile for some ungodly reason.

Here’s some corporate speak announcing the change: “We are separating the two platforms so each can grow with greater focus, and the Horizon Worlds platform will become a mobile-only experience.” Shut up, don’t spin this as a positive, we all know you messed up.

This is all part of Meta’s winding down from the whole VR craze of the 2010s so they can instead jump on the AI craze of the 2020s. This news follows the firing of 1,000 employees (around 10% of workers) from Reality Labs, Meta’s in house VR dev team.

Reality Labs by the way was once the trailblazing company Oculus VR before it was bought and folded into the company. So it’s a little sad to see the same pattern play out of ‘small company makes something interesting, gets absorbed by larger rival, then is gutted and discarded.’ Rinse and repeat.

But it does make business sense, unfortunately. Since 2020, Reality Labs has racked up total losses of $80 billion. And after launch, it just didn’t connect with users. Turns out people don’t want to put on a ski-goggle-brick just to check their emails. On top of that, the launch was massively fumbled, with the promoted product looking no better than a really, really janky Sims.

Hide Your Facebook In Shame

So what do you do with a failed product launch and billions in losses? You go ALL IN BABY! That’s right, Facebook had already doubled down on the tech by rebranding as ‘Meta’ and just continued to push the narrative that the ‘metaverse’ was the future without ever really explaining what it was.

Back in 2021, the Zuck said, “Our hope is that within the next decade, the metaverse will reach a billion people, host hundreds of billions of dollars of digital commerce, and support jobs for millions of creators and developers.” Eesh.

Stock nosedives followed and now the company is trying to backpeddle saying, ‘No, no, we’re not a metaverse company, we’re an AI company now!’ while they still have ‘WE ARE A METAVERSE COMPANY’ stapled to their forehead.

Even the Meta website hasn’t yet caught up with the pivot, saying, “The metaverse is the future of digital connection.” Are you sure about that?

So yeah, I’m sorry for anyone and everyone who put time, effort and money into this project, Facebook just went too hard, too fast and ran something promising into the ground. It was ever thus. Welcome to the wacky world of tech.

THEY’RE POISONING THE SKY AHHHHH!!!!

Look, I didn’t want to have to explain this to you but the Daily Mail (a famously reputable publication), just ran a story entitled, “CIA accused of ‘poisoning the sky’ with toxins as files expose secret weather control agenda” and because it’s reached nearly 10 million views on X, here we are…

Because it’s old news, literally half a century old, without any kind of new developments that make this newsworthy in 2026.

We’re talking about ‘cloud seeding’ and it’s an old technology that goes back to the 1940s and has nothing to do with contrails or conspiracy theories.

Yes, it was a real thing that sounds like science fiction but has been very well documented and is really interesting. Basically you fly up in a plane, drop a bunch of salt crystals or whatever into a cloud and it makes it rain.

The problem is it’s almost impossible to control and when it’s been tried, things have often gone awry. Turns out the weather is kinda unpredictable like that. Because of this, the concept has seen significantly less interest this century, although experiments continue and we’ve actually seen a small uptick this decade.

I don’t know weather or not this is real

The main project that the Daily Mail cites as being newsworthy is Operation Popeye (that’s what cost $15 million, but in the 60s/70s), a cloud seeding project during the Vietnam War. The idea was to extend the monsoon season and flood out the Vietnamese fighters. And we all know how well that war turned out…

But it goes without saying that this has nothing to do with contrails, condensation trails, that are literally just that: water vapor. I know it’d be fun if the CIA was poisoning everyone with mind control agents or even controlling the weather, but they’re not. I’m sorry to disappoint.

Latest news

Goldman Sachs Says AI Has Taken 16,000 Jobs This Year, These Are The Sectors Hit Hardest

The Pope Invited Anthropic Co-founder To Rome, Then Said AI Could Enslave Us All… Here’s Why:

Trump Traded A Stock Every 7 Minutes In Q1 And Some Of His Moves Are Wild

Trump Suggests He Could “Run For Prime Minister” Of Israel, Here’s How Netanyahu Responded

Anthropic To Pay SpaceX $1.25 Billion A Month Until 2029 And The Reason Is Insane

Jeff Bezos Just Said The Bottom Half Of Workers Should Pay “Zero” Taxes But Will It Happen?

Related Articles

Marge Incall • May 26, 2026

Goldman Sachs Says AI Has Taken 16,000 Jobs This Year, These Are The Sectors Hit Hardest

Marge Incall •

The Pope Invited Anthropic Co-founder To Rome, Then Said AI Could Enslave Us All… Here’s Why:

Max Profit • May 21, 2026

Anthropic To Pay SpaceX $1.25 Billion A Month Until 2029 And The Reason Is Insane

Latest news

Goldman Sachs Says AI Has Taken 16,000 Jobs This Year, These Are The Sectors Hit Hardest

The Pope Invited Anthropic Co-founder To Rome, Then Said AI Could Enslave Us All… Here’s Why:

Trump Traded A Stock Every 7 Minutes In Q1 And Some Of His Moves Are Wild

Trump Suggests He Could “Run For Prime Minister” Of Israel, Here’s How Netanyahu Responded

Anthropic To Pay SpaceX $1.25 Billion A Month Until 2029 And The Reason Is Insane

Jeff Bezos Just Said The Bottom Half Of Workers Should Pay “Zero” Taxes But Will It Happen?

Max Profit• March 24, 2026D

Jensen Huang Claims “We’ve Achieved AGI” And Wall Street Just Went Nuts

Max Profit• D

Jensen Huang Claims “We’ve Achieved AGI” And Wall Street Just Went Nuts

Trending News

Latest news

Goldman Sachs Says AI Has Taken 16,000 Jobs This Year, These Are The Sectors Hit Hardest

The Pope Invited Anthropic Co-founder To Rome, Then Said AI Could Enslave Us All… Here’s Why:

Trump Traded A Stock Every 7 Minutes In Q1 And Some Of His Moves Are Wild

Trump Suggests He Could “Run For Prime Minister” Of Israel, Here’s How Netanyahu Responded