Marge Incall | Wall Street Memes

…it’s from his dad. You could have guessed that.

Like all good TV dramas, the Warner Bros buyout saga just introduced a new twist with original bidder David Ellison doubling down on his bet by launching a hostile takeover bid of $30-per-share DESPITE both Warner Brothers already agreeing to Netflix’s offer of $27.75-per-share.

Awkward.

Netflix Paramount Warner Brothers Ellison Meme

But here’s a question: from where could the son of the second-richest man in the world possibly stump up the cash? Oh, from his dad? OK, that makes sense.

Ellison? More like, raising hell-isson.

The Ellison family and RedBird Capital have pledged $40.7b and the rest of the money comes as a bridge loan from Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund, Qatar Investment Authority, Abu Dhabi’s L’imad Holding, Jared Kushner’s Affinity Partners, the Bank of America, Citigroup, and Apollo (or SAPIFQIAADLHJKAPBOACA for short).

Yeah, that’s quite a smorgasbord of financiers you’ve got there, bro, you must reeeally want the rights to Space Jam.

But of note, is the proximity of these financiers to Donald Trump here, idk if it’s anything but the Ellisons have long been tied to the President and with Jared Kushner’s finance firm getting in on the action maybe there’s something happening?

Like, do they know something we don’t? After Trump’s comment that the Netflix-WB merger “could be a problem” is he going to shoot down the big streamer’s purchase for anti monopoly reason but allow the Skydance-Paramount-Warner-Brothers conglomeration to go ahead because it’s his friends who will benefit?

Probably not, pleasedon’tsueme…

Oh, I heard a theory (but I do think it’s just a theory) that Netflix isn’t actually serious about their bid, they just want to freeze WB out of making any big moves for a year or so. I don’t believe that’s true, but I just think it would be funny if Netflix is then raising the price for Ellison for no reason. Or they do get the bid that they never really wanted and Netflix are stuck with an Elon Musk Twitter situation.

Whatever happens, we’re in for quite a few more twists and turns before the season finale.

Hey, remember Donald Trump? Well, it turns out that since hosting the Celerity Apprentinces, Donald “Trump” Trump has gone on to become the President Of America. Who knew?

And even though he’s long since hung up his The Apprentice hat, it seems like Old Don is up to his old tricks again but this time he’s targeting impending media conglomeration WarnerFlix NetBrothers for the “you’re fired treatment”. Haha.

Yes, this is the news that Netflix just agreed to a deal to buy Warner Bros Studios for an equity value of $72 billion and a total enterprise value of $83 billion BUT NOT SO FAST!

Donald John Trump just pointed out that Netflix had a “very big market share” which would “go up by a lot” under this deal and that “could be a problem” (not a threat).

Of course, this has nothing to do with Trump’s best pal’s son wanting to buy Warner Bros. No, that would be a conflict of interest, Trump would never go for that sort of thing.

You see, second richest man in the world, Larry ELLIOSN, sorry, I sneezed, ‘Ellison’, well, ignore him, his son David he bought Skydance, then Paramount and he’d set his eyes on the WB, but they weren’t even for sale and Netflix saw that and were like, hold on, if the Warner Bros are for sale I want in on that action.

And just like that, they outbid everyone else and suddenly, Warner Bros is for sale. Sale. Sold.

As they say, if the price is right, everything is for sale.

Of course the deal won’t be inked for at least a year and it’s still got to go through regulators which might be when Trump steps in and pulls the plug on the whole thing like he should have done with Fox/Disney *ahem*.

But assuming this does go ahead, what does that mean for my monthly entertainment budget? Currently I’m paying $50 a month for Tubi so if that goes up I’m going to be mad otherwise I don’t really care.

Here’s a good question though, what would the new company be called? Take your pick from the options below:

Netflix, Just Netflix

And I mean that’s the full tile, the ‘just netflix’ part as well.

Warner Flix

No.

Net Brothers

Sounds like they’re fishermen or spiders. No.

Netflix AOL Time Warner Brothers Discovery (A Gulf Western Company)

Rolls off the tongue.

Super Warner Brothers

Because it just got a powerup.

HBO Go

I would also accept: HBO Max, HBO Now, HBO, Max, and WBO.

Please-Mr-President-Let-Us-Merge-Companies-Flix

…probably the only one that will actually work.

The government is open again! Yay! I can finally enter the government again without having to stage an insurrection like last time… ALSO, I can now get my hands on that tasty, tasty jobs and inflation data that I so desperately need to set interest rates…

…wait, what’s that you say? You don’t have the data? Oh… Oh, it’s because you were shut down, so no one was actually collecting the data?

Oh, so that’s what a government does.

Right, that’s cool, no worries, can’t you just gather the data now, like, just a little after the fact? Oh, you don’t want to? OK, that’s fair. Can I ask why not? Because you’re worried that you might have slightly warped statistics? I’m sorry, does economic data have a best-before date? Have the inflation numbers gone moldy?

Or… devious grin… or are you hiding something?

Nah, probs not.

As White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt explained, “Democrats may have permanently damaged the federal statistical system with October CPI and jobs reports likely never being released. All of that economic data released will be permanently impaired, leaving our policy makers at the [Federal Reserve] flying blind at a critical period.”

That’s right it’s all the DEMOCRATS fault. Those stinky, fat, long-limbed democrats ruining OUR politics for GOOD this time.

Oh well, I’m sorry The Fed, I guess you’ll just have to lower the interest rates like President Trump has been telling you forever. Hey, I’m sorry, it’s not my fault, don’t blame me, blame those small-assed democrats.

Don’t get the joke? That’s OK. Read this: Bessent Demands Powell Lower Rates By One Million Points

Elon Musk, the world’s most rich man by volume, just gate-crashed his own earnings call to beg shareholders to vote in favor of his controversial $1 trillion pay package. Come on, a guy’s got to eat.

Musk interrupted his CFO at the end of the 75-minute call to say, “I just think that there needs to be enough voting control to give a strong influence, but not, not so much that I can’t be fired if I go insane.”

Wait, why… why would ‘going insane’ even be on the cards, Elon? I never thought you’d go insane. Why did you bring that up? I’m definitely worried that’s now an option, ELON.

Weirdly, that’s almost exactly what he said back in August when he weaselled himself a $30 billion pay bump, “I think my control over Tesla should be enough to ensure that it goes in a good direction, but not so much control that I can’t be thrown out if I go crazy.” We get it, you could go cray-cray, please stop saying it.

Well, If You Musk Ask… ELON musg thad is.

But other than that, I feel this is a weirdly measured response which basically boils down to ‘I need more power, please.’

Elon carried on, “I just don’t feel comfortable building a robot army here and then being ousted because of some asinine recommendations from ISS and Glass Lewis who have no freaking clue.” Jesus, no one’s asking you to build a robot army. I think you might have already gone insane, sir.

Look, a big fat trilly sounds insane for the man who’s already worth more than the entire GDP of his home South Africa, BUT, as a spokesperson put it, “The proposed pay package is actually worth zero to our CEO unless and until the shareholders see the value of the company nearly double and an operational milestone is met.”

Basically, look at this graph:

It’s not money for nothing; Musk would have to see a massive turnaround in the EV maker’s fortunes if he’s to get even close to that trillion number. But he’s got to have incentives and what could possibly incentivise a man who’s worth 489.6 billion USD?

I’m sure you’re job is the same, I just know that you wouldn’t get out of bed if you weren’t dangled a massive bonus of double your current earnings ON TOP OF your current pay. What, you work to the best of your ability and still only get paid your normal rate? Well, shit, sorry mate, maybe you should have thought about that before you became poor.

Elon might have an uphill battle for the monies, considering Tesla’s been in a rut lately. Yes, they had a record quarterly revenue from buyers trying to cash in their expiring tax credits, BUT profits dropped 37%. The company continues to face threats from all sides: the US government, Chinese competition, and this random bill for one trillion dollars that no one can seem to explain…

It was the Gaza Peace Summit this week and all the world leaders were there for peace. All except one: Donald Trump, who had a grand plan to turn this peace summit into the 2025 46th World Armwrestling & 27th Para-Armwrestling Championships.

It’s Trump’s go-to move. A show of force and indisputable proof that you don’t actually have small hands or a small penia. All you have to do is, when you go for a handshake, grab your opponent’s hand as tightly as you can, then yank them towards you and hold on for dear life. If you let go first, you’re a pussy.

Trump arm wrestling hulk hogan — Trump deep in diplomatic negotiations. Hulk Hogan is now dead.

Most cave in and you’re the clear winner. The Pope, the Queen of England, Barron Trump, all losers. But some, a small few, actually step up to the plate and play you at your own game. You yank, they yank, canceling out the yank. You squeeze, they squeeze. The squeeze has been negated. What is this? You don’t break, but neither do they, and you find yourself holding hands, staring into his eyes for the rest of eternity.

Shit, you’re in a dick measuring contest and this guy brought his own measuring tape.

That’s right, it’s French President and sole owner of the largest dick-to-hand-ratio in the world, Emmanuel Macron.

Yep, Macron and Trump held hands in a weird bro-fist-grab thing for an uncomfortably long time, leaving both with brittle, bloodless fingers and shattered egos. Geez, just get a room.

Trump Seen Squeezing Grip Strengtheners Backstage

But this isn’t an early heat, no this is a rematch. It’s become a sort of tradition between these two that Macron’s the only one dumb/smart enough to play Trump at his own game. DING DING DING! Round Two.

But who won? Who’s next? Well, I can’t find a video of the whole thing after 10 seconds of looking so I think we can assume it doesn’t exist. Probably because it would last two hours and no one’s watching all that. Sorry, there’s just simply no way of knowing who broke first and who has the smaller penial appendage. Let’s chalk this up as a draw.

Tune in next year for the 47th World Armwrestling & 28th Para-Armwrestling Championships when Trump will face off against 100 gorillas.

Elon Musk (who smells by the way) has reached an agreement with the executives that he fired without a severance package when they should have had a severance package.

Allegedly, Musk owed over $128 million but refused to pay as revenge for buying Twitter which he didn’t want to buy but was locked into buying it.

The group includes former Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal, former CFO Ned Segal, former Chief Legal Officer Vijaya Gadde and former General Counsel Sean Edgett. AKA the Fantastic Four.

They all sued back in 2024 as they were fired just hours after Musk took over and one day before they would have gotten $200 million in severance pay plus stock options. Damn, son.

Obviously, we don’t know the amount but I bet it’s $4 and a packet of beef jerky.

According to CNN, “The lawsuit refers to portions of the authorized Elon Musk biography by Walter Isaacson published in 2023, in which Isaacson wrote Musk did not want the executives to collect their severance or vest the stock options “because of the price he was paying and his conviction that Twitter’s management had misled him.” Instead, the book says Musk pushed through a faster close of the Twitter sale so that he could fire the executives “for cause.” The lawsuit claims the cause in the executives termination letters were not substantiated.”

Damn, son.

In other Musk news, Elon’s fighting for a trillion dollars in the upcoming Tesla Annual ShareHolder Meeting of the Shareholders. Why he deserves $1,000,000,000,000 smackerooners is anybodies business but certainly not mine. Only way I could get that money is through sexual favors and I don’t want to even think about how much I’d need to put out for that kind of pay check. Damn, son.

For more Elon news, click any of the buttons below. No, not that one that’s the off button! NOO!!!!

Yeah, we’re probably not getting that future you imagined with flying cars, jetpacks and infinite ice cream any time soon…

During a rehearsal for a Chinese airshow last week, two flying cars crashed into each other after one of them didn’t use its flying turn signals correctly at a flying stop sign.

One car caught fire, and a pilot was injured, so actually, you’re not allowed to make jokes about this.

Damn, only two flying cars in the whole world, and somehow they crashed into each other? What are the odds?

This reminds me of how in 1895 there were only two cars in the whole state of Ohio and SOMEHOW they crashed into each o… oh, oh wait I’ve just looked it up and apparently that never happened.

Well, either way, this real story is 100% what someone would come up with if they were asked to think of a sci-fi version of the same story. “In 2025, there were only two flying cars in the whole state of China and SOMEHOW they crashed into each other. Lol.”

The crash could be the biggest setback for flying cars since someone cut together all that old-timey footage of people peddling bicycles with flapping wings off cliffs. That’s great news for people with a fear of flying, but bad news for Elon Musk, who had a whole 5-year plan set out to turn the world into an episode of The Jetsons.

Year One: Tesla’s self-driving electric cars become the only form of transportation.

Year Two: Tesla’s self-driving electric cars reveal a secret rocket booster underneath that they had hidden the whole time and then they take off and then they fly and then it’s super cool.

Year Three: With the profits from the flying cars, give everyone jetpacks.

Year Four: Self-drive all the illegal immigrants in their flying cars and jetpacks out of America and up to Mars.

Year Five: Having solved all of America’s problems, they will have to make me the President of the United States of America.

Unfortunately the Tesla CEO will be forced to rip up this crayon-doodled napkin and start again.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, flying car crash.

For more news that sounds like science fiction but is 100% true, click here: Katy Perry Struggling To Readjust To Life On Earth, “Space Is My True Home Now”

The United States Federal Reserve Of Money (USFROM) finally bowed to mounting pressure and cut interest rates for the first time since December 2024. Rates are now between 4% and 4.25%. Damn, so nearly blazed it.

There was a nine-month pause in rate cuts while the Fed waited for the dust to settle on Trump’s new economic policies. But the dust has never really settled, and banks have been getting impatient, so the Fed just went ahead anyway.

Trump has long been publicly unhappy about the delay, pushing for a rate cut to signal confidence in his leadership. Rather than taking steps to encourage confidence in his leadership, Trump resorted to threats and bullying, neither of which worked… until now, maybe?

Just A Little Bit Off The Top, Please

This is such a tepid reduction, it’s hardly a seal of approval. Merely a “risk management cut”, as Fed Chairman Jerome Powell described it. Beyond that, “It’s not incredibly obvious what to do.” A great thing to hear from the guy in charge.

JP said there could be more cuts to come, with one penciled in for later this year, hinting at a bullish future for the markets. But that’s just a hint.

Jay-Dog went on to say, “We have to live life looking through the windshield rather than the rearview mirror,” while stroking his long beard and becoming one with the universe.

There’s A Mole On The Inside

Not everyone stepped in line with Jay-Jay’s decision. One dissenter pushed for a bigger cut of a MASSIVE half-point cut. Oh, I wonder who that could have been? Oh, look, it’s the Trump-appointed Fed Governor Stephen Miran, sworn in just before the meeting. Surprise. SURPRISE.

Jeromey called the labor market one of “Low hiring and low firing,” but that’s coming from a man desperate to not get fired so I’m not sure how much I buy it.

“The concern is that if you start to see layoffs, there won’t be a lot of hiring going on,” he explained. So that’s a big reason for the cut, get unemployment back up without destabilizing prices.

Man, rock and hard place.

We’ll be monitoring this story closer ad not just because I’ve got money riding on this. Watch this space.

For more on this story, read this one: Hawk Tuah To Replace Jerome Powell as Fed Chairman

The massive Murdoch media empire has finally worked out who will take over in the unlikely event of 95-year-old Rupert Murdoch’s death. But this time you don’t need to watch four seasons to find out.

And the winner is… drum roll please… surprise, surprise, it’s Murdoch’s firstborn son, LACHLAN! Woo! Congrats, son, come up here and accept your prize: full control over Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, and The New York Post.

Murdoch Family Tree — You see? Lachlan’s clearly the first in line.

Reportedly, the Murdochs were forced to make this decision after the Succession TV show season finale played out word for word how they were planning to settle. The real-life family was forced to U-turn and pick the most likely option instead.

However, this hasn’t stopped the creators of Succession from seeing the similarity and have filed a lawsuit against the Murdo family for plagiarism.

The HBO show’s writers allege that the Murdochs stole their whole idea for a cool businessy drama about taking over a media empire with lots of swearing.

“No one would have ever heard of the Murdoch family if it weren’t for Succession,” claims Jesse Eisenberg, the series creator. “We MADE them. WE MADE THEM!!!”

And now HBO wants the money its are owed for copyright infringement, defamation and even stealing the theme song, which Rupert Murdoch reportedly uses every time he enters a room.

Murdoch? More Like Mur-SHLOCK!

Just like in the show, the contention over the succession (small ‘s’) was over the political direction of the media organisations, with Lachlan leaning more conservative like his father, whilst the other siblings are a bunch of disgusting wokes.

After Daddy Rupert’s improbable death, Lachlan could theoretically be voted out by his siblings and, genuinely, the political direction of the world would be slightly shifted.

Can’t have that.

Bring on a bitter, years-long legal battle that has finally been resolved by icing out those greasy libs: the other siblings were successfully bribed to sell their shares and relinquish all control of the media congloburations, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST?

Alright, that’s all from me, fucky-go-bye-bye.

For more on this story, click here: Rupert Murdoch Steps Down to Focus on Running Hell

Master chocolatiers and occasional slave owners, Nestlé, have SACKED their chief executive for getting in the SACK with a subordinate, leading to a TUMBLE (of stocks that is).

You probably know the Swiss food company as the makers of Kit Kats, Nespresso, Nesquik, Nescafé, Nestea and Nes-restrictions-to-clean-water-in-West-Africa. BUT WHERE THEY DRAW THE LINE is when Laurent Freixe gets freaky with an employee.

Through Nestlé’s internal whistleblowing channel (nicknamed ‘Toot Sweet’) Nestlé chair Paul Buckle found out about the scandal and immediately donned a deer-stalker hat and pipe and buckled down to a full investigation.

After the plot thickened thicker than an unstirred glass of Nesquik, Buckle called in the big guns: you all know him, it’s everyone’s favorite: independent director Pablo Isla!

But even Isla couldn’t crack this case and so he reached out to an “independent outside council”, the only one who could possibly solve this mystery, the only group trained to find secret CEO affairs wherever they hide, that’s right: Coldplay.

Coldplay immediately set up a sting operation involving two concert tickets, a massive spotlight and a kiss cam. The stage was set and Freixe fell for it hook, line and sinker. Heheh, no one can resist the Play.

After piecing together the clues of the lipstick, the candlestick, and the dick-pic, Buckle immediately fired Freixe for the undisclosed relationship, deemed a clear conflict of interest. And Nestlé is NOT interested in conflict.

“This was a necessary decision,” said Buckle, sipping on a delicious Nespresso. “Nestle’s values and governance are strong foundations of our company. I thank Laurent for his years of service at Nestle.” 40 years, btw. A lifetime of work thrown to the wind in a moment of passion? And no exit package?! What a waste.

And so it ends. Well done, Nestlé, that’s another moral wrong righted. It’s time to get back to what you do best, aggressively marketing your baby formula over breastfeeding in developing nations.

Nestlé awaaayyyy!!!

For more chocolate news, click here: Kellogg Stocks Soar 5% Ahead Of Ferrero Takeover, Nutella Cornflakes Announced

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…it’s from his dad. You could have guessed that.

Ellison? More like, raising hell-isson.

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Netflix, Just Netflix

Warner Flix

Net Brothers

Netflix AOL Time Warner Brothers Discovery (A Gulf Western Company)

Super Warner Brothers

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Please-Mr-President-Let-Us-Merge-Companies-Flix

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