Marge Incall | Wall Street Memes

It was the Gaza Peace Summit this week and all the world leaders were there for peace. All except one: Donald Trump, who had a grand plan to turn this peace summit into the 2025 46th World Armwrestling & 27th Para-Armwrestling Championships.

It’s Trump’s go-to move. A show of force and indisputable proof that you don’t actually have small hands or a small penia. All you have to do is, when you go for a handshake, grab your opponent’s hand as tightly as you can, then yank them towards you and hold on for dear life. If you let go first, you’re a pussy.

Trump arm wrestling hulk hogan — Trump deep in diplomatic negotiations. Hulk Hogan is now dead.

Most cave in and you’re the clear winner. The Pope, the Queen of England, Barron Trump, all losers. But some, a small few, actually step up to the plate and play you at your own game. You yank, they yank, canceling out the yank. You squeeze, they squeeze. The squeeze has been negated. What is this? You don’t break, but neither do they, and you find yourself holding hands, staring into his eyes for the rest of eternity.

Shit, you’re in a dick measuring contest and this guy brought his own measuring tape.

That’s right, it’s French President and sole owner of the largest dick-to-hand-ratio in the world, Emmanuel Macron.

Yep, Macron and Trump held hands in a weird bro-fist-grab thing for an uncomfortably long time, leaving both with brittle, bloodless fingers and shattered egos. Geez, just get a room.

Trump Seen Squeezing Grip Strengtheners Backstage

But this isn’t an early heat, no this is a rematch. It’s become a sort of tradition between these two that Macron’s the only one dumb/smart enough to play Trump at his own game. DING DING DING! Round Two.

But who won? Who’s next? Well, I can’t find a video of the whole thing after 10 seconds of looking so I think we can assume it doesn’t exist. Probably because it would last two hours and no one’s watching all that. Sorry, there’s just simply no way of knowing who broke first and who has the smaller penial appendage. Let’s chalk this up as a draw.

Tune in next year for the 47th World Armwrestling & 28th Para-Armwrestling Championships when Trump will face off against 100 gorillas.

Elon Musk (who smells by the way) has reached an agreement with the executives that he fired without a severance package when they should have had a severance package.

Allegedly, Musk owed over $128 million but refused to pay as revenge for buying Twitter which he didn’t want to buy but was locked into buying it.

The group includes former Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal, former CFO Ned Segal, former Chief Legal Officer Vijaya Gadde and former General Counsel Sean Edgett. AKA the Fantastic Four.

They all sued back in 2024 as they were fired just hours after Musk took over and one day before they would have gotten $200 million in severance pay plus stock options. Damn, son.

Obviously, we don’t know the amount but I bet it’s $4 and a packet of beef jerky.

According to CNN, “The lawsuit refers to portions of the authorized Elon Musk biography by Walter Isaacson published in 2023, in which Isaacson wrote Musk did not want the executives to collect their severance or vest the stock options “because of the price he was paying and his conviction that Twitter’s management had misled him.” Instead, the book says Musk pushed through a faster close of the Twitter sale so that he could fire the executives “for cause.” The lawsuit claims the cause in the executives termination letters were not substantiated.”

Damn, son.

In other Musk news, Elon’s fighting for a trillion dollars in the upcoming Tesla Annual ShareHolder Meeting of the Shareholders. Why he deserves $1,000,000,000,000 smackerooners is anybodies business but certainly not mine. Only way I could get that money is through sexual favors and I don’t want to even think about how much I’d need to put out for that kind of pay check. Damn, son.

For more Elon news, click any of the buttons below. No, not that one that’s the off button! NOO!!!!

Yeah, we’re probably not getting that future you imagined with flying cars, jetpacks and infinite ice cream any time soon…

During a rehearsal for a Chinese airshow last week, two flying cars crashed into each other after one of them didn’t use its flying turn signals correctly at a flying stop sign.

One car caught fire, and a pilot was injured, so actually, you’re not allowed to make jokes about this.

Damn, only two flying cars in the whole world, and somehow they crashed into each other? What are the odds?

This reminds me of how in 1895 there were only two cars in the whole state of Ohio and SOMEHOW they crashed into each o… oh, oh wait I’ve just looked it up and apparently that never happened.

Well, either way, this real story is 100% what someone would come up with if they were asked to think of a sci-fi version of the same story. “In 2025, there were only two flying cars in the whole state of China and SOMEHOW they crashed into each other. Lol.”

The crash could be the biggest setback for flying cars since someone cut together all that old-timey footage of people peddling bicycles with flapping wings off cliffs. That’s great news for people with a fear of flying, but bad news for Elon Musk, who had a whole 5-year plan set out to turn the world into an episode of The Jetsons.

Year One: Tesla’s self-driving electric cars become the only form of transportation.

Year Two: Tesla’s self-driving electric cars reveal a secret rocket booster underneath that they had hidden the whole time and then they take off and then they fly and then it’s super cool.

Year Three: With the profits from the flying cars, give everyone jetpacks.

Year Four: Self-drive all the illegal immigrants in their flying cars and jetpacks out of America and up to Mars.

Year Five: Having solved all of America’s problems, they will have to make me the President of the United States of America.

Unfortunately the Tesla CEO will be forced to rip up this crayon-doodled napkin and start again.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, flying car crash.

For more news that sounds like science fiction but is 100% true, click here: Katy Perry Struggling To Readjust To Life On Earth, “Space Is My True Home Now”

The United States Federal Reserve Of Money (USFROM) finally bowed to mounting pressure and cut interest rates for the first time since December 2024. Rates are now between 4% and 4.25%. Damn, so nearly blazed it.

There was a nine-month pause in rate cuts while the Fed waited for the dust to settle on Trump’s new economic policies. But the dust has never really settled, and banks have been getting impatient, so the Fed just went ahead anyway.

Trump has long been publicly unhappy about the delay, pushing for a rate cut to signal confidence in his leadership. Rather than taking steps to encourage confidence in his leadership, Trump resorted to threats and bullying, neither of which worked… until now, maybe?

Just A Little Bit Off The Top, Please

This is such a tepid reduction, it’s hardly a seal of approval. Merely a “risk management cut”, as Fed Chairman Jerome Powell described it. Beyond that, “It’s not incredibly obvious what to do.” A great thing to hear from the guy in charge.

JP said there could be more cuts to come, with one penciled in for later this year, hinting at a bullish future for the markets. But that’s just a hint.

Jay-Dog went on to say, “We have to live life looking through the windshield rather than the rearview mirror,” while stroking his long beard and becoming one with the universe.

There’s A Mole On The Inside

Not everyone stepped in line with Jay-Jay’s decision. One dissenter pushed for a bigger cut of a MASSIVE half-point cut. Oh, I wonder who that could have been? Oh, look, it’s the Trump-appointed Fed Governor Stephen Miran, sworn in just before the meeting. Surprise. SURPRISE.

Jeromey called the labor market one of “Low hiring and low firing,” but that’s coming from a man desperate to not get fired so I’m not sure how much I buy it.

“The concern is that if you start to see layoffs, there won’t be a lot of hiring going on,” he explained. So that’s a big reason for the cut, get unemployment back up without destabilizing prices.

Man, rock and hard place.

We’ll be monitoring this story closer ad not just because I’ve got money riding on this. Watch this space.

For more on this story, read this one: Hawk Tuah To Replace Jerome Powell as Fed Chairman

The massive Murdoch media empire has finally worked out who will take over in the unlikely event of 95-year-old Rupert Murdoch’s death. But this time you don’t need to watch four seasons to find out.

And the winner is… drum roll please… surprise, surprise, it’s Murdoch’s firstborn son, LACHLAN! Woo! Congrats, son, come up here and accept your prize: full control over Fox News, The Wall Street Journal, and The New York Post.

Murdoch Family Tree — You see? Lachlan’s clearly the first in line.

Reportedly, the Murdochs were forced to make this decision after the Succession TV show season finale played out word for word how they were planning to settle. The real-life family was forced to U-turn and pick the most likely option instead.

However, this hasn’t stopped the creators of Succession from seeing the similarity and have filed a lawsuit against the Murdo family for plagiarism.

The HBO show’s writers allege that the Murdochs stole their whole idea for a cool businessy drama about taking over a media empire with lots of swearing.

“No one would have ever heard of the Murdoch family if it weren’t for Succession,” claims Jesse Eisenberg, the series creator. “We MADE them. WE MADE THEM!!!”

And now HBO wants the money its are owed for copyright infringement, defamation and even stealing the theme song, which Rupert Murdoch reportedly uses every time he enters a room.

Murdoch? More Like Mur-SHLOCK!

Just like in the show, the contention over the succession (small ‘s’) was over the political direction of the media organisations, with Lachlan leaning more conservative like his father, whilst the other siblings are a bunch of disgusting wokes.

After Daddy Rupert’s improbable death, Lachlan could theoretically be voted out by his siblings and, genuinely, the political direction of the world would be slightly shifted.

Can’t have that.

Bring on a bitter, years-long legal battle that has finally been resolved by icing out those greasy libs: the other siblings were successfully bribed to sell their shares and relinquish all control of the media congloburations, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST?

Alright, that’s all from me, fucky-go-bye-bye.

For more on this story, click here: Rupert Murdoch Steps Down to Focus on Running Hell

Master chocolatiers and occasional slave owners, Nestlé, have SACKED their chief executive for getting in the SACK with a subordinate, leading to a TUMBLE (of stocks that is).

You probably know the Swiss food company as the makers of Kit Kats, Nespresso, Nesquik, Nescafé, Nestea and Nes-restrictions-to-clean-water-in-West-Africa. BUT WHERE THEY DRAW THE LINE is when Laurent Freixe gets freaky with an employee.

Through Nestlé’s internal whistleblowing channel (nicknamed ‘Toot Sweet’) Nestlé chair Paul Buckle found out about the scandal and immediately donned a deer-stalker hat and pipe and buckled down to a full investigation.

After the plot thickened thicker than an unstirred glass of Nesquik, Buckle called in the big guns: you all know him, it’s everyone’s favorite: independent director Pablo Isla!

But even Isla couldn’t crack this case and so he reached out to an “independent outside council”, the only one who could possibly solve this mystery, the only group trained to find secret CEO affairs wherever they hide, that’s right: Coldplay.

Coldplay immediately set up a sting operation involving two concert tickets, a massive spotlight and a kiss cam. The stage was set and Freixe fell for it hook, line and sinker. Heheh, no one can resist the Play.

After piecing together the clues of the lipstick, the candlestick, and the dick-pic, Buckle immediately fired Freixe for the undisclosed relationship, deemed a clear conflict of interest. And Nestlé is NOT interested in conflict.

“This was a necessary decision,” said Buckle, sipping on a delicious Nespresso. “Nestle’s values and governance are strong foundations of our company. I thank Laurent for his years of service at Nestle.” 40 years, btw. A lifetime of work thrown to the wind in a moment of passion? And no exit package?! What a waste.

And so it ends. Well done, Nestlé, that’s another moral wrong righted. It’s time to get back to what you do best, aggressively marketing your baby formula over breastfeeding in developing nations.

Nestlé awaaayyyy!!!

For more chocolate news, click here: Kellogg Stocks Soar 5% Ahead Of Ferrero Takeover, Nutella Cornflakes Announced

Officials from the United States of America (USA) have started a fresh round of trade talks with the People’s Republic of China, this time in Sweden, after both parties got lost.

Reportedly, American diplomats insisted that the negotiations take place on home turf, whilst China likewise refused to talk anywhere other than home. Finally, after months of negotiation on Zoom, both countries agreed to the others demands and so set off for eachothers respective countries.

On the long journey from the US to China and vice versa, the representatives became very lost and met each other at roughly the halfway point on their trips: Sweden.

Though neither side brought appropriate clothing for the cold weather, it turns out Sweden has indoor rooms, so both sides have now sat down for a cordial chat.

In blue corner, all the way from America, Washington we have Tresasury Secretary Scott Bessent and in the red corner, representing the great state of Bejing, China it’s Vice Premier He Lifeng!

The two have until August 12th to duke it out because that’s when their temporary tariff pause will lift and import taxes could go back up to higher than 100% (impossible btw).

China is the next big target for America after a string of winning deals were ironed out with the UK, Japan and most recently the EU. China’s the biggest economy in the world I think so that would be a really good get for these guys.

The US has yet to work out a deal with Mexico and Canada, America’s biggest trade partners.

I am a little confused though, did America only appear a month ago? Why are all these deals being made like we’re the new kid on the block? Like, I know, it’s Trump, he reset everything with his crazy threats but it seems like SUCH a hard reset, like everyone’s starting from complete scratch and everything needs to be renegotiated. What is this, Brexit?

Anyways, seems like maybe the things are evening out and the previous market panic has worn off. Turns out they just needed time to relax. So, we’ll see where things go from here.

All my love, xxx

For more tariff-ic news, click here: HEARTBREAKING: Rabid Monkey In Charge Of Tariffs Dies

Millions of people across America are collectively standing in a bedroom doorway, crying for Elon Musk and Donald Trump to end their bitter feud.

The once-perfect pairing of two overpowered narcissists with completely different world views has turned sour in a way that no one could have possibly predicted.

The catalyst has been Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill (still can’t believe it’s called that), currently trending on X as the ‘Big Ugly Bill’. As the deadline looms and lawmakers get deeper into the debate over its merits, Musk has lashed out again.

Musk went on a tweeting spree yesterday, Xing out against raising the national debt and threatening to form a new party, the cleverly named ‘America Party’, should the bill pass.

Elon feels the bill goes too far and doesn’t go far enough, or something? Idk, it’s like the biggest tax cut the wealthy has ever seen, I don’t know why he’s not happy. It’s going to increase the national debt, I think, which Musk hates, or loves, or something, idk, not sure why he’s got skin in this game.

Any which ways, he’s escalated things, claiming Trump is in the Epstein files and most recently offering to financially support any lawmakers who go against his bill. That’s a bribe, right? We can call that a bribe.

So Trump hits back with a, “Elon may get more subsidy [sick] than any human being in history, by far, and without subsidies, Elon would probably have to close up shop and head back home to South Africa. No more Rocket launches, Satellites, or Electric Car Production, and our Country would save a FORTUNE. Perhaps we should have DOGE take a good, hard look at this? BIG MONEY TO BE SAVED!!!”

Trump Musk America Feud Tweet — Elon likely to receive a call from ICE in the coming weeks

And all of this leaves us looking on, teary-eyed, thinking it’s all our fault, wondering what we could do to pull them back together. How can we make them stop? Why do they have to be so mean? Why don’t they love each other anymore? They used to love each other. They used to love each other.

At least no one will get developmental issues from this, right? RIGHT?

As for who’s mommy and who’s daddy in this scenario, I’ll let you sick freaks work that one out for yourselves.

For more on this story, click here: Trump Wins Custody Of Joe Rogan In Divorce With Musk

The artist formerly known as Twitter, ‘X’, has decided to just make everything easier for everyone by pinning the phrase ‘WW3’ to the top of their trending bar.

As users have been quick to point out, whenever anything even mildly destabilising happens across the world, ‘World War 3’ quickly jumps to the top of X’s list of most-used phrases.

Now, given the abundance of conflict and uncertainty for the future, X forsees ‘WW3’ not leaving anyone’s lips for a while and has made the sensible decision to pin the phrase to the top of the bar.

“WW3 and World War 3 have been by far the most trending topic of 2025,” explained X CEO Elon Musk. “Just this past week, Iran broke their ceasefire and Russia declared war on Venezuela, so I think WW3 is going to stay relevant until, I guess WW3 actually does happen, then maybe people will stop talking about it.”

Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook have followed suit by creating an entirely new tab just for the highly popular ‘WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!’ content.

Mr. Merriam Webster, the guy in charge of the dictionary, also named World War III as his word of 2025, even though World War III is three words, idiot. This guy thinks he knows words? Phhff.

Guess what their word for 2024 was? It was brainrot. Yeah. And here we are.

But what do you think? Do you think WW3 is really going to happen? Don’t just say what everyone else is saying. Don’t look at his answer, no, no copying, come on, I want to hear what you think, honestly. With all your knowledge of history and geopolitics and the launch ranges of nuclear ICBMs, do you think a third world war is really on the cards?

If it is, do you think it would even look like those wars from a hundred years ago?

Is the idea of the end of the world really the next logical option, or is it just an unshakeable hangover from the fearmongering propaganda that saturated media throughout the 20th century?

Are you scared?

Does throwing your hands up and calling it over make you feel more assured in your understanding of the world?

Do you think we will ever find hope again?

…We hope you enjoyed this humorous article! For more laugh-out-loud fun, please click here: BREAKING: Yes, War Still Going On

BREAKING NEWS: In two completely unrelated coincidences (that are in no way connected to one another), WAR has broken out between India and Pakistan mere days after Apple Inc. announced plans to shift all iPhone production to India.

Apple recently increased Indian iPhone production (basically the same as normal iPhone production but in India) by 60% for a total of $22 billion worth of tech. Now that’s either a lot of iPhones or just one really expensive iPhone.

Meanwhile, IN COMPLETELY UNRELATED NEWS, India and Pakistan have recently increased airstrike production by 100% for a total of just lots and lots of people being dead now. So that’s fun.

Apple CEO Tim Cook has explained that they are deeply saddened by the recent development and are confused as to why anyone is suggesting that they are somehow involved.

Conspiracy theorists are pointing out that this is just another example of Apple stoking an international conflict as a subliminal marketing strategy.

“Just look at the letters,” explained local weirdo, Martin Eeems, “Israel-Palestine… India-Pakistan… I-P… I-Phone. Checkmate, atheists.”

Mr. Eeems is an idiot, however, and there is no conspiracy theory, just economics.

The initial decision to switch production to India came about as a way to circumvent the worst of Trump’s tariffs on China. The outbreak of war, however, might scupper Apple’s plans, and Cook is rumored to be looking to move production to more peaceful countries like Palestine or Ukraine.

When asked whether they would be making a U-Turn on their India plan, however, Apple’s response was, “What, and make iPhones in America? Like Trump wants us to do? Ew. Hell no.”

Apple faces a significant market drop since the news hit, but I’m not sure why anyone is surprised. Apples famously fall from trees.

As for the war, who knows what will happen, but everyone at Wall Street Memes is praying for a swift end to the conflict and that no more innocent blood is shed.

For more distasteful comedy, click here: Israel Attacks Sweden in Desperate ‘Bamboozle’ Strategy

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