April, 2026 | Wall Street Memes

Jimmy-boy Cramer is at it again with his nefarious predictions, and this time he’s turning on AI.

“Lately, we’ve been seeing parabolic moves all over the market,” said our modern prophet, “Those are worrisome.”

He’s specifically talking about the Philadelphia Semiconductor Index (aka SOX), which has been up 18 times in a row, jumping 46% in total. The best month in the index’s history, second only to February 2000…

…Does that date sound familiar by any chance?

Well, it does to Jim Cramer, Goldman Sachs, and Morgan Stanley, who are all warning of a bubble-burst similar to the dot-com crash.

But when was Jim ‘Reverse’ Cramer ever right?

“I don’t want to overreact,” he said, overreacting. “But we’ve been taking some action around the edges.”

He’s trimming some AI positions in his Charitable Trust, although he does still recommend Arm Holdings to people, but that’s because he has shares in Arm Holdings, wait, what?

“Trim some winners…don’t chase the parabolic stuff…and let’s wait to see if we have a more benign pullback from these wild past few weeks.”

‘What goes up must come down,’ basically, and I guess you don’t need to be a prophet to work that one out.

No one knows. Obviously. What do you think ‘classified’ means?

Google ($GGLE) has amended its contract with the US Department of War to allow the government to use Gemini on classified networks for “any lawful government purpose.”

This ironically comes the same day that Google ($GLE) pulled out of a $100 million prize challenge to build voice-controlled autonomous drone swarms. Like an egg-drop but only slightly more explosive.

The company pulled out of the challenge after an internal ethics review, but a similar review wasn’t heeded for this new contract. Over 600 Google ($GG) employees signed a letter urging CEO Sundar Pichai to reject the deal for fear of misuse.

And this misuse to which these employees refer is the requirement that Google ($G) modify its AI safety settings and filters whenever the government asks for it.

But don’t worry! In the contract, the government can’t use Google’s ($) AI for mass surveillance or autonomous weapons “without appropriate human oversight and control.” Oh, well, that’s fine then. And Google ($GOOGLE) doesn’t have “any right to… veto lawful government operational decision-making.”

Alongside OpenAI and xAI, Google ($GOOO) now joins a long line of AI companies working directly with the government, with the notable exception of Anthropic, which is currently battling the Pentagon for independence.

Fighting a war against the Department of War? All I can say is ‘good ($GD) luck’!

Everyone’s favorite AI startup, Anthropic, is weighing up raising funds that would value the company at more than $900 billion, more than double its current valuation. Just crazy numbers.

Obviously, this is just talk for now, and the offers are preemptive at the moment, but they could raise around $50 billion, putting Anthropic at $850 billion to $900 billion.

Considering that Anthropic was valued at just (‘just’ lol) $380 billion back in February’s $30 billion funding round, this would be an insane boost for the company. $900b would put Anthropic above OpenAI’s $852b valuation, making it the most valuable AI startup in the world.

Makes you wonder at what point we can keep calling these companies a ‘startup’?

The board will decide whether they’ll go through with the funding round next month. But if it were up to me, I wouldn’t say no to a cool $50 billion, but that’s just me.

But it’s NOT up to me. And there’s a good reason why. Because all this money looks great, but what if you could hold out for even more money?

That’s exactly what Anthropic’s been doing, spurning previous investment proposals at an $800 billion valuation, even as Google and Amazon are circling to invest. Anthropic clearly hopes this hype will boost its value and could easily hold out for a higher number.

On the other hand, some recent negative press might sour Anthropic’s prospects. In the past month alone, hackers broke into Anthropic’s super-secret Mythos AI, Nvidia pulled its funding, and the AI company’s relationship with the Pentagon has seemingly soured.

So who’s to say what number the Claude creator will end up with, but all we know for sure is that it’s going to be big.

SpaceX is due for a potential-trillion-dollar IPO, which brings with it increased scrutiny into the company’s internal workings. One revelation from the rocket manufacturer’s IPO filing is that Elon Musk can only be fired by… err, Elon Musk?

According to the document, Elon “can only be removed from our board or these positions by the vote of Class B holders.” Now, if I’m understanding this correctly, Class B is anyone with super-voting shares and because Musk has the majority of these shares, he controls the vote and thus the decision if he gets fired or not.

Related article: Elon Made Head Of Efficiency, Immediately Fires Self

This has all come about because of the standard structure that startup IPOs often take. It’s called a ‘dual-class framework’ and it keeps the founders and other insiders in a separate tier of power (Class B) to the public shareholders (Class A, which sounds better tbh), theoretically keeping everyone happy.

For comparison, Meta has this structure but Tesla has a single share class.

BUT USUALLY the board reserves the right to fire the CEO if they get a bit too big for their boots. You know, checks and balances. For some reason SpaceX has waived that right.

Now only Elon can fire Elon, which would make for a very strange exit interview.

Oddly enough, Musk himself warned about this exact scenario in November last year on a Tesla shareholder call about his pay package, “I just think that there needs to be enough voting control to give a strong influence, but not so much that I can’t be fired if I go insane.”

Not sure why he’d bring that up as an option, but OK.

And again last August, “I think my control over Tesla should be enough to ensure that it goes in a good direction, but not so much control that I can’t be thrown out if I go crazy.”

Well, now we’re all very much hoping you don’t go crazy, Elon, because if that happens at SpaceX, no, you can’t be fired.

But then again… who would be crazy enough to fire themselves? Only a crazy person. So if Elon did go crazy he would in fact fire himself. IT’S A FOOLPROOF PLAN!

Jerome Powell just made his final address as Fed Chair and surprise, surprise… he held the rates as is (between 3.5% and 3.75%).

Now that’s enough on its own to upset President Trump, but Jay Powell also revealed in his speech that he plans to stay on the board of the Fed until at least 2028 when his term expires.

Powell cited the probe into him and the bank as the reason for his need to stay. “I’ve said that I will not leave the board until this investigation is well and truly over with transparency and finality, and I stand by that.” How very handy.

This means JP will have a say in future interest rates and Fed policy. Sounds like the Powell-shaped hole in Trump’s head isn’t going anywhere.

The President responded to the news saying that Powell was only staying because he “can’t get a job anywhere else.” Which is probably true, what company would want to start beef with the most powerful man in the world by hiring his arch nemesis?

As for the rest of the speech, Powell highlighted the need for central bank independence in a subtle dig at the ongoing attacks from Trump.

“We just work directly for the American people,” said Jay. “We don’t think, oh, I want to do this because the president says it’s a good idea, or because there’s an election coming up and I want to speed up or slow down the economy. This isn’t bipartisan. This is nonpartisan.”

Sorry, did I say ‘subtle’? I meant ‘very direct’.

The front runner for Powell’s chair next month is still Kevin Warsh, who just won the backing of a key Senate committee. And since Warsh has already said he’d fight to keep the Fed’s independence, it looks like the Trump vs. Fed cage fight isn’t ending any time soon.

I’ll go get some more popcorn.

This is actually nuts.

So ahead of SpaceX’s potentially $1.75 trillion dollar (USD (dollars)) IPO valuation, back in January the rocket manufacturer’s board approved a pay package for Elon Musk granting him 200 million super-voting restricted shares BUT ONLY if SpaceX hits a $7.5t market cap AND…

…wait for it, this is the crazy part..

… IF HE ESTABLISHES A PERMANENT HUMAN COLONY ON MARS WITH AT LEAST ONE MILLION INHABITANTS.

Fairly standard bonus conditions. Not sure what you’re freaking out about.

For reference that’s roughly the population of Jerusalem picked up and plonked onto another planet.

And this isn’t the first time Elon’s been lured back to a company with a staggering pay package with almost impossible win conditions. Tesla did the same thing, offering him a trillion dollars if the company reached a market cap of $8.5 trillion. Tesla. Guys. Do you really think you can be worth almost double Nvidia’s value? Don’t we think that’s maybe a little ambitious?

And surely a $7.5t market cap for SpaceX is similarly out of reach? Well no. Nothing’s out of reach when you’ve got rockets.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE.

This isn’t even the really crazy milestone. Musk gets another 60.4 million restricted shares if SpaceX meets different valuation goals and builds data centers in space with a minimum 100 terawatt capacity.

That’s the equivalent of 100,000 NUCLEAR REACTORS IN SPACE.

So it remains to be seen if these goals will actually be reached. But you know what they say, shoot for the moon, because if you miss you’ll still become a trillionaire.

The OpenAI trial has begun and just one day in, it’s already generating some interesting quotes.

For anyone not following, this is the civil lawsuit in which the richest man in the world, Elon Musk, alleges that OpenAI and its CEO, Sam Altman, tricked him out of the company that he cofounded.

Sorry, not ‘company,’ ‘charity’. The crux of the suit is that Altman allegedly took the not-for-profit, for-profit and Elon now wants the clock turned back.

So just what are these crazy revelations from day one of the trial of the century?

Well, firstly Elon explained that we should be careful about AI because “It could kill us all.” Cool, well, that fills me with confidence.

The Iron Man 2 co-star then pivoted to chatting movies saying, “We don’t want to have a Terminator outcome. We want to be in a Gene Roddenberry outcome, like Star Trek. Not so much a James Cameron movie like Terminator.”

Good point. Other than the existence of the Borg, that’s a very good point.

Maybe the most interesting revelation is that Musk pins the entire existence of OpenAI to one conversation with Google co-founder Larry Page. According to Elon, in 2015 Page said that AI would bring about a utopia but Elon worried that he wasn’t considering the risks.

“The reason OpenAI exists is because Larry Page called me a ‘specieist’,” said Musk to the judge and jury. I’m assuming by ‘specieist’ Page meant Elon was anti AI and pro humanity, not just massively racist against koalas or something.

But how is this retrospective mud-slinging relevant to the OpenAI case? Well, going out on a limb, it seems like Musk is painting the narrative that OpenAI was built to be the antidote to unregulated AI development. That’s why it was originally conceived as a non-profit.

Now it’s evolved into its for-profit form, however OpenAI has courted the US government and been continually looking for ways to monetize its flagship product ChatGPT.

Elon wants a u-turn on that direction and has brought this suit to trial to try and make that happen.

We’ll just have to watch and see if he succeeds or if the Borg really do take over (that’s a Star Trek reference).

A recent court filing has revealed that Paramount plans to take Warner Bros Discovery up to nearly 50% foreign ownership in a step that might create a hiccup for the still pending merger. Gasp!

In the filing, Paramount has asked for a lift of the statutory limit on foreign ownership of Paramount’s US broadcasting. The Ellison-owned company requires billions of dollars in overseas financing predominantly from Middle East investors.

‘Warner Bros’ to rebrand as ‘Warner Habibi’

These investors were essential to winning the bidding war, with the major investment funds agreeing to provide $24 billion for the studio:

Saudi Arabia’s Public Investment Fund: 15.1% of the company.
L’Imad, an investment vehicle backed by Abu Dhabi sovereign wealth fund: 12.8%.
The Qatar Investment Authority: 10.6%.
My cousin Lawrence who threw in fifteen dollars.
Other foreign funds, including some passive backers, which are below 10% so haven’t been exposed.

These investors won’t have voting shares, those remain with the Ellison family and RedBird Capital but it’s unclear how much influence they will have.

The Financial Times suggests it will “provide a boost to their soft power even without voting rights,” and “advances their goal of diversifying their economies away from oil and gas. Gulf states have poured hundreds of billions of dollars into sport, entertainment and tourism.”

The deal is likely to still go ahead with FCC Chair, Brendan Carr calling the merger a “good deal” but no doubt this development will add increased scrutiny for the already closely watched buyout.

And I know I’m watching, there’s just nothing good on Netflix right now.

Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats, the trial of the century is about to begin! In the red corner: it’s billionaire champion of the world Elon Musk! Aaaaand in the other corner: it’s Sam Altman!!!

Yes, Musk and Altman are locking heads in a court case that could decide the fate of AI and therefore humanity…

So Elon’s (civilly) suing OpenAI for not keeping themselves a charitable non-profit as originally intended. OpenAI call the lawsuit “baseless” …but they are planning an IPO, right?

Musk left the board in 2018 and started rival AI company xAI five years later which then merged with SpaceX and now that’s up for a record-breaking IPO.

For Sam’s part, after a public falling out with Musk, OpenAI’s co-founder took over as CEO in 2019 and has been a public champion for the company and AI in general.

In the lawsuit, which begins tomorrow, Musk claims he was “assiduously manipulated” and “deceived” and is seeking $134 billion in “wrongful gains” although he wants those funds to go back into OpenAI. Elon also wants Altman and OpenAI’s president Greg Brockman removed from the board.

We’ll see how things play out but jury selection was already off to a tetchy start with a number of jurors confessing negative views on Musk and Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers admitting that “the reality is people don’t like him.”

Err, we sure that’s not going to sway things just a little bit?

Whilst Sam Altman has yet to speak out on the case directly, Elon took to X to post his thoughts:

So we’ll see how all this plays out but in one scenario OpenAI has a new leader and becomes non-profit again, genuinely changing the course of AI and potentially humanity.

Exciting times.

People are very dumb.

Despite only seeing links to this through Instagram, Facebook and X, it looks like, yeah, this is true as navigating through ‘pay.gov’ you eventually come to a page where you can donate ‘Gifts to Reduce the Public Debt’ via “Bank account (ACH), PayPal account, Venmo account, Debit or credit card.”

I mean, why would they say no to free money?

With the US national debt sitting pretty at $39,074,637,550,015 dollars in money, it’s impossible for an average American to even make a dent in that number. Even if you Venmo’d them a million dollars every day it would still take millions of years to pay off the debt.

ON TOP OF THAT, the money is owed to the public anyway. If you willing pay this, you’re paying twice.

Despite that, it hasn’t stopped people from contributing. According to a Grok AI summary, “lifetime totals reach about $67 million.”

People are very dumb.

Do bare in mind though that that’s a lifetime total and this scheme has been running since 1961. It’s only the Venmo/Paypal option that’s new when it was added in 2025.

Wait, so none of this is news? Why the hell am I even reporting on this?

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