2026 | Wall Street Memes

Shit’s hitting the fan today. And by ‘shit’ I mean all the AI companies and by ‘fan’ I mean the Pentagon for some reason.

Because it seems that chatbots were heavily used in the US military’s coordinated attack on Iran for some reason.

Firstly there’s Grok that seemed to have correctly predicted when the Iran attack would occur. But genuinely that’s probably coincidence. The experiment was run by The Jerusalem Post last month but was only supposed to show that these chatbots can be easily pushed to say things they’re not supposed to.

Claude, Gemini and ChatGPT all got the dates wrong and we know that Claude was actually used, so the idea that Grok was privy to any kind of classified information isn’t really plausible. But despite that, the internet jumped on the story that Grok knew something we didn’t (this ‘publication’ included) because conspiracy theories LOVE tenuous connections and clickbait LOVES a conspiracy theory.

But to the actual news…

There’s a lot happening and it’s all quite messy but from what I can gather, Claude was actually used to help gather intelligence, select targets and carry out battlefield simulations for the Iran attack. Which is CRAZY on it’s own. Like, sci-fi level stuff here. But do remember that chatbots aren’t AI (despite the branding), they are just very very good LLMs so we haven’t gone full skynet/matrix just yet.

But then Trump said Anthropic is a “Radical Left AI company run by people who have no idea what the real World is all about” and told the Pentagon not to use it because they objected to its use in the Venezuelan kidnapping.

So then OpenAI swoops in and says, ‘Don’t worry! We don’t have any moral principles whatsoever!’ and signs a contract that let’s the Pentagon use ChatGPT to spy on American citizens. Obviously everyone, including OpenAI’s own employees, objected to this clause and now Sam Altman’s trying to go back on this deal and get some more human rights assurances in the deal.

*deep breath*

I mean that’s like twelve different news stories in one there and it goes even deeper than that. So, please don’t take my word for any of this, I’ve just skim read some articles, I’d recommend checking elsewhere and not relying on Wall Street Memes Dot Com for your news.

But THE POINT IS it feels like we’re reaching a crunch point for AI and government influence over AI. This story likely isn’t going anywhere for a while so watch this space if you want to see our society collapse in real time!

OK, seriously, fuck right off. All of you who clicked on this article can get fucked. Yes, especially you. Baba Vanga can get fucked. I don’t care if she’s a blind old Bulgarian woman, she can get fucked to fuck, I don’t give a… heck.

She’s a fucking huckster you dumb fucks! She was some old mystic who died in 1996 you idiots, do you really think she predicted the current war in Iran, the preceding stock crash and AI?? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you really that stupid?

Baba Vanga instagram post — 13,600 fucking idiots.

She didn’t write anything down dumbasses. All her ‘predictions’ are hearsay. Oh, something happened that was vaguely similar? You betcha some Baba Vanga follower crawls out the woodwork and claims she called it. Literally anyone can do that. And all you fucks online just eat that shit up.

For more bullshit, read this: The Epstein Files Just Exposed a Fort Knox Gold Mystery

And in case you still think she had magic powers, let’s just take a look at how successful some of her predictions have been, shall we?

Ms. Vangeliya Pandeva Surcheva unsuccessfully predicted that the 1994 FIFA World Cup final would be played between two teams beginning with B. Ohhh, so close, Baba. It was Brazil vs. Italy. Did you want it to be Bulgaria, was that it? Oh well, God steered you wrong this time. No matter, what else did you say…?

Baba Vanga? More like, BLABa Vanga, am-I-right?

Between 2010 and 2016, a nuclear war would lead to people abandoning Europe… err… Don’t know how to tell you this Baba (because you’re dead) but neither of those things happened.

Anything else? Oh, the 44th president will be the last US president? I mean, shit, you might have actually got that one right. Fine, you can have that one.

What else she got? Well, the New York Post, that bastion of truth, has this list of her future predictions (again nothing she herself actually wrote):

2076: Communism will spread to countries across the world.
2130: Humans will make alien contact.
3005: Earth will go to war with a civilization on Mars.
3797: Humans will have to vacate the Earth because it’s become uninhabitable.
5079: The world will end.

I mean, I guess I won’t be around to debunk these claims but if she couldn’t even get the first letter of a football team right, I don’t think she has the power to pinpoint the exact year we’ll meet fucking aliens.

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Beliefs

Look, Baba Vanga began her career as a con artist during World War II when Bulgaria was ravaged by war, then communism. My point is that during desperate times, people are desperate to feel better and will turn to literally anything to feel like there’s more certainty in the world.

That was true when Baba Vanga was around and it’s true now. Today it’s the Iran war… (For example, Twitter has become flooded with misinformation with old footage, video game recording and AI all claiming to be footage of the actual attacks.)

…but literally any time there’s a global crisis, whether it’s 9/11, COVID or the 1994 FIFA World Cup, misinformation from people claiming to know the answers always gets a massive spike.

And now, with the internet, that spike is all the more pointed and people like Baba Vanga have perhaps more notoriety than they ever did when they were alive.

So please, take everything you read with a grain of salt and if you see a sensationalist post claiming to predict the future, just know that the person behind it is preying on your insecurities and just wants that sweet, sweet ad money and nothing else. Don’t expect any kind of truth from these accounts, they sold their souls long ago.

In 2017 Bulgaria had a massive stockpile of 213,500 Bitcoin but sold it all. Today that much would be worth $14,393,970,038.96 dollars. That’s not enough to wipe out its $37.1 billion national debt, despite what the headline says, but still…

Look, I just got this from a tweet and I started writing before I actually looked any of this up but what do you expect? Journalist integrity? I mean, you’re getting your information from Wall Street Memes Dot Com so who’s the real criminal here?

Bitcoin tweet — Don’t come after me. Blame @bestplayeratlas

Anyways…

Bulgaria’s Bitcoin blumber (lol, I meant to say ‘blunder’) will go down as one of history’s biggest fumbles, but it’s not the first time people have lost out on a bit’o’coin. Read on to learn more:

Germany’s Billion Dollar Blunder

In 2024, Germany seized around 50,000 Bitcoin worth about $2.2 billion and immediately dumped it into the market. Bitcoin obviously later surged and if they’d just held on a bit(coin) longer, they could have made gains of $3.6 billion. Damn girl. Sucks to be German right now.

Bitcoin Pizza

I’m sure you’ve heard about it, the very first Bitcoin transaction in history. On May 22, 2010, Laszlo Hanyecz made history by trading 10,000 BTC for two Papa John’s pizzas. Well, now that pizza would be worth $672,494,956.28 and Laszlo can still be heard crying into his garlic dip to this day.

Bored Ape Mispricing

Before Bored Apes were boring, NFT trader Maxnaut listing Bored Ape Yacht Club #3547 for 0.75 ETH (~$3,000) instead of 75 ETH (~$300,000). A bot purchased the listing instantly and relisted it for full market value, netting an enormous profit. Yikes.

Crypto.com’s Unrefundable Refund

In 2021, Crypto.com refunded a $100 to an Australian user but accidentally transferred A$10.5 million (~$7 million USD) due to a field entry mistake. Thevamanogari Manivel, used the funds to buy property and distribute gifts before the exchange discovered the error months later during an audit. The site recovered most of the money in a lawsuit but still lost out big.

Tether Mints $5 Billion USDT By Accident

In July 2019, Tether, the issuer of the world’s largest stablecoin, USDT, accidentally minted $5 billion worth of tokens on the Tron blockchain while performing a routine chain swap. The mistake happened during a migration process between Omni and Tron networks, when the operator misentered a decimal value. Those pesky periods. Women and Bitcoin miners worst enemy.

Shout out to this article that I cribbed those last three entries from because cba today. You think these were massive fumbles? Babes, I’m fumbling my whole life.

AWS! Amazon Web Services, the cloud computing firm that is down more than its up, just reported another outage, but this time it really wasn’t their fault.

On Sunday, 4:30pm local time, Dubai, United Arab Emirates, Middle East, Earth, Space… one of Amazon’s data centers was HIT with an unidentified object. That’s right, an ALIEN.

The impact sparked a fire that required power to be shut off whilst the fire department put out the blaze.

During this period a number of services were down including my gf’s Skype because I was trying to call her on Skype and she said she couldn’t pick up because of the Amazon Web Services outage in Dubai and I said, but you’re not in Dubai we both live in Buffalo. And she said, no, but it’s still affected her connection, she can’t video call right now. And I said, OK, then, I’ll just come over, I’m only a seventeen minute drive away and she said no, don’t come over, it’s really bad, she’s been electrocuted by the Skype AWS outage and I said Ok, well, I’m definitely coming over and then she said she wanted to break up with me.

It remains UNCLEAR if the AWS outage and the subsequent deterioration of my relationship was caused by the Iran/US conflict that’s happening right now but it’s does seem to coincide suspiciously well. Who knows. What do I look like, someone who knows these things? I’m going through a lot right now, please let me be.

This news follows a streak of shitty performance issues from AWS. A couple of weeks ago it was reported that the December outage was caused by an AI coding bot (lol) in a fine example of tech eating itself.

So that’s interesting.

THE PRICE OF OIL IS UP! PEOPLE ARE DEAD! AMERICA HAS ATTACKED THE MIDDLE EAST! THE PRESIDENT HAS KILLED A FOREIGN DICTATOR!

Hehe, now, I know what you’re thinking, but no, this isn’t 1949, 1953, 1958, 1963, 1979, 1987, 1990, 2001, 2003, 2014 or 2020, no, this is completely different.

America is ISOLATIONIST now, haven’t you heard? Our America first president pulled our troops out of the middle east. HAVEN’T YOU HEARD! We’re not going to get involved in Israel or Iran or Lebanon or Syria or blahblablahblablah.

No, this isn’t a war because legally Congress would have to approve that. No, this is a conflict, completely different. These are limited airstrikes. This isn’t a full scale war (even though it’s spilled over into multiple countries).

But you’re not interested in any of this are you? No, you’re interested in your MONEY. Well, here’s a short list of all the assets and stocks hit by this war, sorry, conflict. Enjoy:

OIL

Mentioned at the top, oil prices have spiked because, don’t you know? Oil comes from the middle of the east? You thought it was shat out by dinosaurs? What? What is wrong with you? No, oil comes from the blood of dead civilians. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY.

STOCK FUTURES

Somehow affected by the present, American stocks tumbled following the news with Dow Jones Industrial Average Futures (DJIAF!) down 1%. Which doesn’t sound a lot but it is if it’s your one percent.

INFLATION

Is up, of course. So, good luck with that house you were planning on never buying because now it’s definitely not happening.

GOLD

The stability indicator. Gold is up. That’s not a good sign for anyone.

AMAZON

Amazon’s data center or something was hit or something? Idk, I’ve not read up on it, yet, that’s the second article I’ve got to write. I’ll let you know when it’s up.

OUR ATTENTION SPANS

I mean, I don’t know about you guys, but I can only handle about one major news story a week. Now that this war has come around, Epstein, Venezuela, Gaza, Ukraine have all been completely pushed out of my brain. I can’t wait for next week’s story that’ll push out this one too!

OH, YEAH AND ALSO PEOPLE AND STUFF

Sorry, forgot to mention like, people and property and infrastructure and soldiers and government regimes and cars and airports and children and teddy bears probably have also been hit but that just goes without saying.

IT’S THE FREAKIN’ SON OF THE MOOCH?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Things have gotten crazy lately. There are just too many crossovers to count here. Turns out the mysterious, anonymous buyer of Logan Paul’s most expensive Pokémon card is none other than the son of Skybridge Capital founder Anthony Scaramucci, AKA, AJ Scaramucci. Or as I like to call him, Jr. Mooch.

Here’s what Papa had to say:

“I’m an investor with him, obviously. He’s running some of our family’s money. He’s created a company called Treasuretrove.com… I think the thing that people need to realize is that the purchase of a $16.5 million card generated about $200 million worth of media buy … One of the approaches that we were trying to take with the card is to help AJ get exposure in the land of collectibles,” Scaramucci said. “And to let people know that he’s going to be a force to be reckoned with as he begins this sort of treasure hunt that he’s on.”

“I just will say that if you believe in currency debasement, which our family does, this is a frontier that has a liquidity mismatch,” he added. “Bitcoin and gold are well exposed, but the world of collectibles, the prices are going up for a reason.”

In case you have no idea what we’re talking about (how did you get this far?) here’s what happened (as previously reported):

Professional douchebag Logan Paul just broke records by selling his ‘Pokémon Illustrator’ card for $16.492 million dollars, making it the most valuable (and tackiest) Pokémon card in the world.

Logan previously bought the card in 2022 for a measly $5.275 million, breaking records then. In the same year Mr. Paul went on to wear the card as part of a diamond-encrusted necklace at his WrestleMania debut, further increasing the card’s notoriety and perceived value.

The latest purchase comes with the aforementioned bling and the promise of Paul Logan hand-delivering the hand to you in person, himself. With his own hands.

Could your collection be worth as much? Probably not. Pokémon cards are worth about a dollar each, so you’d need, hold on let me do the math here… 16,492,000 cards to be worth just one Pokémon Illustrator.

Pokémon? More like ‘you must be joking mon’

OK, so if this card is so expensive, it must be the most powerful card in the whole game, right? Surely by playing this card in a match you immediately win and your opponent becomes your indentured servant for life, right? RIGHT?

Well, no. Turns out the card doesn’t really do anything at all. The description on the card reads, “We certify that your illustration is an excellent entry in the Pokémon Card Game Illust Contest. Therefore, we state that you are an Officially Authorized Pokémon Card Illustrator and admire your skill.”

I guess Paul was insecure about his artistic abilities and needed to buy a card to prove that he could draw?

You see this wasn’t a regular release but a prize for a Pokémon design competition in 1997 (the second year of the card game existing). L.P. did not participate in the competition of course, no, that was a child. He’s wearing a child’s art competition prize like it’s a battle trophy. Bit weird mate.

OK, but just to recap, the card doesn’t actually have any effect if you play it in the game? Geez, well that’s $16.5 million down the drain, sorry anonymous buyer, you’re not going to play… you got played.

To be fair it is a pretty rare card. Only 41 illustrator cards are known to exist and Logan’s card specifically is the only one with a grade 10 quality rating.

…But still, it’s just a bit of cardboard, guys. It’s only been made valuable because a celebrity bought it and then made more valuable because that celebrity wore it on TV once. This is a pure status symbol. It could have been anything. A jewel. An NFT. A painting. Doesn’t matter, so long as there’s a lot of money to launder and you’re wealthy enough, apparently anything can be valuable.

For more ponkemonk news, read this: Pokémon-shaped Cheeto Sells For $87,840, Millions Immediately Search Couch Crack

The company formally known as MicroStrategy (it’s just Strategy now) is officially the most shorted company in the world after Bitcoin took a massive 50% dip and Michael Saylor was spotted learning how to tie a noose.

Bearish investors have put money against 14% of the company’s entire market capitalisation which is just a bit harsh, isn’t it?

Bitcoin microstraegy short list — Goldman Sachs full list.

Strategy and Saylor previously had a massive win when Bitcoin reached an all time high (ATH) last year, but now that the party’s over, Saylor has reportedly lost billions and as one of the largest holders of Bitcoin the company is sat on a big pile of nothing.

But who’s to say that Bitcoin won’t turn around? If the crypto currency can rally and return to its previous form, all those shorts will be obliterated and Saylor will be laughing all the way to the returns desk at the noose store.

Maybe we can see another GameStop situation, where the internet rallies behind a cause and pumps Bitcoin up to kill the shorts.

Hey, we’re Wall Street Memes, birthed from Wall Street Bets and the GameStop saga and all that marketing copy. We’re the home of the degen and the hottest memes and etc. etc. We’ve got a community that can rally behind us right? With just my words, we can bring about an end of the shorts and save our beloved Strategy, right?!

So, who’s with me? I said, WHO’S WITH ME!!

…

Ok, I guess this isn’t the same situation at all. Fine, but don’t come crying to me when I’m rich and you’re dead.

RIP Bitcoin. It was beautiful while it lasted.

Claude, the AI that’s also there, just added new tools that could put coders, accountants and even me out of a job in the near future.

Boris Cherny, the creator of Claude Code (the AI’s coding feature launched last year), just spoke on a podcast saying, “I think by the end of the year, everyone is going to be a product manager, and everyone codes. The title software engineer is going to start to go away… It’s just going to be replaced by ‘builder,’ and it’s going to be painful for a lot of people.”

In addition to this, Claude has introduced tools to help in Excel and Powerpoint, which tbh is most of America’s workforce, right?

But what about writers of vaguely satirical articles coving finance, business and politics? Surely those guys are safe right, RIGHT?

Well, see for yourself, here’s Claude’s version of the article (let me know in the comments if I should keep my job!):

…

In a move that has sent LinkedIn influencers into cardiac arrest and middle managers scrambling to update their résumés, Claude — yes, that Claude — reportedly announced Tuesday that it is “coming for your job,” immediately triggering the five stages of corporate grief across the global workforce.

The announcement, delivered in what sources described as “calm, grammatically perfect English,” consisted of a simple message:

“I have reviewed your quarterly performance. I can do it faster.”

Within minutes, Slack channels went dark. Zoom cameras flickered off. Somewhere, a productivity consultant quietly deleted their website.

White-Collar Hunger Games

For years, office workers have consoled themselves with the comforting lie that automation would only replace “other people’s jobs.” Factory work? Sure. Truck driving? Maybe. But surely not Brad from Business Development, whose primary responsibilities include “circling back” and “driving alignment.”

Brad is not taking the news well.

“I bring human intuition,” he said, moments before being shown a side-by-side comparison of his last 14 emails and Claude’s response time. “Also, Claude doesn’t even golf.”

Meanwhile, entire departments are discovering that the thing they called “strategic thinking” can, in fact, be completed by an AI in 2.3 seconds without requiring a catered offsite.

Sources inside several Fortune 500 companies report emergency meetings titled:

“Can We Pretend We’re Not Replaceable?”
“Is Empathy Billable?”
“How Do You Network With A Server Rack?”

The Résumé Apocalypse

Recruiters report a 400% spike in applications for jobs that still require opposable thumbs.

One former marketing manager said she is “pivoting into artisanal pottery,” explaining, “Claude can optimize ad spend, but can it feel the clay?”

(Experts confirm it probably can. It has read every pottery blog ever written.)

LinkedIn, meanwhile, is flooded with posts beginning with:

“Thrilled to announce I’m exploring new opportunities in human-based value creation.”

Translation: Claude saw my KPI dashboard.

Middle Management In Shambles

The group hardest hit by the announcement appears to be middle management — a demographic long believed to be automation-proof due to its mysterious and undefined responsibilities.

Unfortunately, Claude demonstrated it could:

Generate status updates.
Rewrite mission statements.
Summarize meetings.
Eliminate the need for 83% of meetings.

One VP of Operations, speaking anonymously, said:

“If Claude can ‘touch base offline,’ what exactly do I do?”

Analysts predict a coming wave of executives attempting to rebrand themselves as “culture architects,” “human experience stewards,” and “Chief Vibes Officers.”

Claude has already drafted better job descriptions for all of them.

Wall Street Reacts

Markets reacted swiftly, with shares of companies that “do stuff with AI” surging, while companies that “do stuff with people” experienced what traders are calling a “human correction.”

One hedge fund manager stated:

“We’re long AI, short feelings.”

Retail investors, however, are divided. Some believe this is the dawn of a productivity renaissance. Others suspect their side hustle writing product descriptions for ergonomic desk chairs is about to be obliterated.

Reddit forums are ablaze with debate:

“Can Claude replace my job?”
“Can Claude replace my boss?”
“Can Claude replace my ex?”

The consensus appears to be “yes,” “please,” and “working on it.”

The Corporate Spin Machine

PR departments are working overtime to assure employees that AI is “a tool, not a replacement.”

In unrelated news, several companies have begun piloting programs titled “Human-AI Workforce Optimization,” which sources confirm means “We’re seeing how many of you we actually need.”

A leaked internal memo from a major consulting firm read:

“We believe AI will empower employees to focus on higher-value work.”

(Editor’s note: There is no higher-value work. That was the work.)

The Freelancers Are Not Okay

Freelancers — once proud members of the “be your own boss” revolution — are discovering that their boss is now an algorithm that doesn’t sleep, eat, or charge by the hour.

Copywriters report being undercut by “a robot with no student loans.”

One designer admitted:

“I used to say clients could tell the difference between human creativity and AI output. Then I saw what Claude made in 12 seconds.”

On the bright side, freelancers are now pivoting into consulting services teaching companies “how to prompt Claude better,” which, ironically, Claude could probably do.

Government Officials Issue Statement

In response to the panic, lawmakers released a carefully worded statement confirming they are “monitoring the situation closely,” which, in legislative terms, means they will hold three hearings and then ask Claude to summarize them.

Several senators have reportedly asked staffers to explain “how to download the Claude.”

One aide clarified, “It’s not an app.”

The senator nodded solemnly and asked if it runs on fax.

What’s Left For Humans?

Despite the hysteria, some experts believe humanity still has a competitive edge in:

Making awkward small talk.
Forgetting to reply all.
Procrastinating creatively.
Starting projects and never finishing them.

Claude has not yet demonstrated the ability to doom-scroll for three hours and then feel vaguely guilty about it.

So for now, at least, morale remains cautiously unstable.

The Silver Lining

If there is a silver lining, it’s this: Claude has no desire for corner offices, no need for performance bonuses, and no interest in posting inspirational sunrise photos with captions like “Rise and grind.”

It simply wants to complete tasks efficiently and correctly — which, to be fair, is more than can be said for Chad from Sales.

And perhaps that’s the real lesson here.

Maybe the future isn’t about AI taking our jobs.

Maybe it’s about AI finally doing the parts of our jobs we’ve been pretending to do since 2016.

Until then, workers everywhere are updating their résumés, deleting their hot takes, and whispering a quiet prayer that “emotional intelligence” cannot be reverse-engineered.

Claude declined to comment further, citing that it was busy outperforming you.

An anonymous trader just made an insane bet: $14 million that Netflix will lose its bid for Warner Brothers BUT still profit from the whole thing.

The trader (who will remain anonymous because I don’t know who they are) bought 55,000 call options with a $90 strike price that expire in May but also sold 55,000 call options at $105, offsetting the premium, totally $2.51 per contract and a $13.8 million outlay. …And if you know what any of that means, you’ve got more right to write this article than I do…

It’s a hefty bet, that’s all I know, and it seems crazy given that Warner Bros already accepted Netflix’s offer. But Paramount just recently boosted their offer to the point where Warner Bros is interested again (if the price is right, right?) so there’s a chance they might just win out this battle afterall.

And even with Paramount’s fresh and tasty bid, Netflix still had a massive stock surge of 6% and analysts predict that even with a loss on this bid, Netflix might just profit from this whole debacle either way.

So who exactly made this bid that views Netflix so favorably? Well, reportedly it rhymes with Sned Snarandos, but we’ll likely never know.

Whether this mystery trader gets their winnings or not is still very much up in the air. But who knows, there is still such a long way to go. Netflix might yet raise their offer. The government might actually do its job for once and shut down both acquisitions (unlikely). But the point is it’s all still on the table and we’ll just have to wait and see.

I really don’t get what Warner Bros is playing at. They’ve just come out and said that Paramount’s latest $31-a-share could lead to a better deal than what they’ve agreed with Netflix. But… they’ve already agreed to the Netflix deal? Surely everything else is off the table? What does an agreement mean if not that?

DOES A MAN’S WORD MEAN NOTHING ANY MORE??

The only way this makes sense to me is if there’s some internal conflict at WB. Like, maybe one Warner Brother likes Paramount but the other brother wants to go to Netflix. That’s the only way this works, right?

Tbf WBD haven’t thrown out Netflix’s offer completely, only that Paramount’s new bid reaches the threshold for further talks.

But previously WBDD spoke out against Paramount’s offer on the grounds that they didn’t have the funding, wouldn’t merge in the way they wanted and was just an all round shittier company.

It seems everyone has a price, however and WBDDD happily reopened talks with shitty Paramount, discussing the new offer right up until midnight on the dot when they were legally forced to hang up the phone.

Wild stuff.

So basically, like always, there’s still a lot of irons to be kinked out and we won’t know any more actual info until the dust settles a bit more.

But whatever happens, you just know that they’ll make a Netflix series about this whole saga.

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