Ima Short | Wall Street Memes

Yeah, sure, whatever, do whatever, I don’t care, you do you man, what am I, you mother? Shit, you want to buy the dip, who am I to stop you? What are you going to do once you own a nice shiny new dip? Idk, but that’s what you wanted so honestly, you just go for it. Enjoin your dip. Happy dipping.

I mean, who knows if by the time you read this Netflix will still be dipped. Maybe it’ll be up. Idk. But at the time of writing Neftlix (TDM) is down 12% this year period and 19% over the year period. Where I got 15% from for the headline I have no idea, honestly, I’m just making stuff up at this point.

Obviously, this is all down to Netflix’s WB bid (WBB for short) which would be a massive undertaking by the company and will end up looking much more like a merger than a takeover.

Alright, that’s about all I have the stamina to write for you right now. Tbh, I stole this headline word for word from somewhere else. The article body though, that’s all me, probably why it’s pretty terrible.

At least it’s not written by AI… but maybe that would be better. Depends what you want out of this transaction here. Because if you’re here for information, firstly, why the hell are you coming to Wall Street Memes Dot Com, and secondly, yeah, maybe an AI could do this but you’ve already got your info so I doubt you’re even reading this far so INDULGE me.

BUT if you’re here for entertainment, then I reckon I can do better. Sure, not in this article, but I’m tired so this is a bad example. But generally, I reckon I’m funnier than an AI. I’m certainly drunker than an AI…

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Netflix. Sure bitch, buy the dip. I don’t care. This IS financial advice. Let’s go all in baby. Suck it.

In 2036, approximately 5% of America’s economy will go to paying the interest on the country’s national debt. Holy Jesus Christ. Surely, SURELY this is unsustainable, right? RIGHT?

Well, no, because the Congressional Budget Office, (CBO, owned by Warner Bros) says that no matter who is in power, year on year, borrowing has increased and is going to increase for the foreseeable future.

This is from Fortune (because I don’t understand these numbers and cba to translate): “In 2026, the shortfall will stand at about $1.8 trillion, or 5.8% of GDP. Come 2036, that will have ballooned to $3.1 trillion, or roughly 7% of the American economy.”

Like, didn’t you just say 5%? Ok, whatever, moving on…

These numbers are so big, they are double annual military spending, and at least triple what I pay for my weekly groceries.

Ok, I’m trying to read this article and my eyes are just glazing over. Like, I feel like you got the headline, right? You got the general vibe? I don’t need to say anymore, right? I mean, there are more numbers, I could give you more numbers, like five for example, there you go: five. There’s a number.

The bottom line is (yes, I just scrolled down to the final paragraph), things are going to cost more for everyday Americans and this will inevitably become a massive part of the next few elections when (god forbid) they come round.

So hang tight, bud!

…I assume. I mean, what else does Canada export?

In the biggest coup since this morning when this pigeon just outside my window wouldn’t shut up, six Republicans just turned on President Trump to vote down his tariffs on Canada from last year.

It probably won’t go through in the end because the senate has to approve it and then Trump himself would need to sign it and he’s recently forgotten how to spell his own name.

So why even bother? Well, it’s basically just a way for these six republicans to say we’re not happy with Trump’s whole deal. It’s probably too little, too late considering that tariffs have become the backbone of Trump’s economic strategy.

Of course, Trump went on the aggressive (defensive?), posting to Truth Social (more racist Twitter), “Any Republican, in the House or the Senate, that votes against TARIFFS will seriously suffer the consequences come Election time. TARIFFS have given us Economic and National Security, and no Republican should be responsible for destroying this privilege.”

Tariff? More like tariffICALLY BAD!

The move also comes as Trump heats up his economic war with Canada after they said they would start trading with China more and build a bridge or something? Idk, I’ve not really been paying attention.

But like with all tariffs, the consumer ends up baring the brunt of the increased cost. As Democrat Gregory Meeks put it, “Not only have these tariffs done immense harm to our relationship with Canada, pushing them closer to China, they have driven up prices here at home.” But then he would say that, wouldn’t he?

We’ll just have to wait and see how this plays out and whether it’s a sign of things to come in the midterms but until then, imma stock up on maple syrup and hockey pucks.

Anyone who says they can tell the future is a liar.

It’s arguable that we’ve been comparing the things. When we say bubble it might conjure thoughts of the dot-com boom or tulip mania, but those are two very different scenarios. Tulips were not the technological future of humanity, the internet was. There were significant winners to the dot com bubble, Google, Facebook, etc. and they are still with us to this day.

So when we say AI bubble, we might think it’s going to be like the tulips and it’s all going to pop and everyone will be pulled under, but what if it’s more like the dot com? What if AI is absolutely here to stay and although a pop is likely, it will leave in its wake a few winners who will dominate the AI-fuelled future.

Currently, it seems the fight is to be one of those last survivors, global infrastructure be damned. Right now it’s a sprint, not a marathon and so long as these companies put enough money into the problem, so long as they can just outlast everyone else, then they’ll be the ones left standing following the AI-economic-apocalypse that’s coming.

The question is, who has enough cash to survive this sprint? Well, because currently no one’s really making any money off AI, it looks like the only people able to fund this arms race are the mega-corps with more disposable cash from other revenue streams.

OpenAI on the other hand is pure AI and although it might be the industry leader, it’s still not found a way to make ChatGPT profitable.

In the AI-sprint it looks like being first off the starting block is actually a disadvantage.

So is OpenAI running off fumes? Well, it’s still raking in billions of dollars in investments, and yeah this one NVT opinion columnist says it’s going to run out of cash in 18 months, but as far as I can tell, that’s pure speculation.

The only mention of this headline-grabbing detail is: “My bet is that over the next 18 months, OpenAI runs out of money.” …you wanna back that up or…?

So who’s to know. Maybe, once the dust has settled, OpenAI will in fact emerge as the Google of the dotcom boom or maybe it’ll fold before its tulips have even started to bloom.

Look, it got a little boost because of the Melania documentary/propaganda film (because that makes sense) but $MELANIA is still massively down just like all of the Trump family’s other virtual assets.

But it’s not just Trump, thank god, crypto has lost $1 trillion across the board over the past three months, hitting bitcoin, buttcoin, fartcoin and even the greatest virtual currency of all: the US dollar.

Eric and Don Jr’s bitcoin company tanked about 80%, now worth $1 billion down from $8.5 billion, Trump Media is down 33%, World Liberty Financial down 39%, you know what, just read this graph:

As you can see, Melania is for some reason the least hit by the plunge. Is that because she’s the most cool member of the Trump clan? Is it because she’s ever so slightly separate from the rest of them? Who tf knows. This isn’t science here, this is all just vibes.

$MELANIA is still down 98% since launch, so this isn’t exactly a win.

And sure, the Trump’s aren’t alone in this downturn, it’s the same story across the sector. What is exceptional is that no one else has quite put all their eggs into this highly volatile basket like the Trump’s have done.

And now that basket is on fire.

The Trumpz reportedly have about $3 billion in crypto and Trump Media & Technology Group in particular have about $1 billion in bitcoin alone. Or at least they did, I suppose that’s all worth a lot less now.

But crypto is volatile, that’s kind of the point, and who’s to say that this won’t all rally again? Either way, I think the Trumps are going to be just fine.

Hello there fellow Americans! Wow, we sure did have a howdy Super Bowl weekend didn’t y’all? Chips. Advertisements. Bad Bunny. And how about those players, huh? Haha, yeah, I sure watched the Big Game too.

I for one am an avid gambler too and when I’m not playing high stakes online poker in the Wall Street Memes Casino™, I’m looking at all the odds on the sports.

But oh no! Looks like my product, I mean, the casino I just happen to play in, it looks like they have a competitor! Haha, just like the sports, am I right?

Flutter Entertainment Plc, just an example gambling site, they run FanDuel and have been on stock decline for eight weeks, the longest its had for 23 years. DraftKings is similar, down 60% from its ATH five years ago. And this is all over Super Bowl weekend, that’s normally Christmas for these people. What the hell is going on?

Well, as you probably guessed from me saying it in the title, prediction markets like Kalshi and Polymarket are muscling in on gambling sites’ turf.

It’s very simple, if you’re a gambling site, you offer games. You’re fun, you’re flashy, you’re colorful. You’re entertainment, like a casino. Now, entertainment isn’t that important, we can take it or leave it and if you’re making too much money you should probably be regulated, so, sorry, but you’ve got to get in the box.

But if you’re a prediction market, oh, well, now you’re serious, you’re sensible, clean, black and white. You’re not entertainment, no, you’re business. Never mind that you offer many of the same services and operate in a similar way, no, you are NEEDED. Alright, you can have less regulation. No box for you.

Now, technically this should be illegal. The CFTC said places like Kalshi couldn’t trade on sports, but after Trump won the election, they gave it a go anyway and the CFTC didn’t seem to mind. Well, then the floodgates were open and out poured money after money after money. Come get some.

If you want more information on this, you can read this actual article here, but if not sure, read some more garbage on this site. Click below instead.

This is an ad.

I mean, obviously this is an ad for WSM Casino, but I don’t mean that ad, I mean, Elon Musk says that the US is going bankrupt and only he can fix it is obviously an ad for his his own interests.

Because, surprise, surprise, Elon’s solution to America’s debt crisis is AI and robots. At this point I’m starting to wonder if he’s a robot.

And as you could have also guessed, this headline-grabbing statement comes from a little chat on a podcast. It’s just advertising all round. Always has been.

“In the absence of AI and robotics, we’re actually totally screwed because the national debt is piling up like crazy,” he explained.

“It’s the only thing that could solve the national debt. We are 1,000% going to go bankrupt as a country, and fail as a country, without AI and robots,” said Elon. “Nothing else will solve the national debt. We just need enough time to build the AI and robots to not go bankrupt before then.”

Sure, OK, any hints as to how AI and robots are going to help out with this at all? No? OK… and this has nothing to do with the fact that you just pivoted Tesla away from cars and to exclusively making robots and chatbots?

It’s like a guy who makes novelty rubber chickens hopping on a podcast to say, “I dunno, Jeff, I’m pretty sure the only thing that can save the planet is novelty rubber chickens. I’m just saying.”

Like, my god, this isn’t news. ‘Businessman Promotes Own Business’… gripping stuff.

Like, no, it’s actually the opposite.

Over the past week over $1 trillion dollars have been wiped off software stocks across the board. But this isn’t the AI bubble bursting, no, weirdly it’s the opposite… an implosion?

Because the companies most badly hit have been those that haven’t embraced Al or are likely to be supplanted by its use. Yeah, this is a warning shot to anyone outside the bubble to hop inside it quick, or die.

Like all stock panics, this all began from the tiniest little thing, namely Anthropic’s new AI tool for reviewing legal contracts. …OK? Who cares? Well, EVERYONE apparently.

Because Anthropic’s coding Al launched last year revolutionised that sphere it’s looking like this latest development could hit legal, but maybe sales, or marketing, or maybe even (god forbid) financial satire.

So some stocks took a tumble and the whole thing just snowballed from there even hitting European and Asian markets.

What a clever system.

AI? More like A-Stupid!

We’ll see this bounce back tomorrow or next week probably because it really feels like that’s how this works. The moment I report on the stock market going down, it’s up again by the time I hit publish!! AHHH!!!

The main thing everyone’s waiting on is Alphabet’s stock results which could turn things around but currently, yeah, S&P 500, Nasdaq and my own personal bank account are all down.

Oh and Gold and Bitcoin are down. Not sure why I capitalized them there… We’re not really on first name terms.

Anyways, that’s the news. I’m the news. Hope you’ve enjoyed.

Bitcoin just had its biggest drop since Trump’s inauguration, falling $80,000 as $2 billion positions have been liquidated. Everyone’s terrified of another crypto crash, but you know isn’t, you know who’s grinning right now?

Ronald Fucking McDonald.

That’s right, the fast food chain McDonald’s just received a massive stock bump following the news. What’s that, causation not correlation? Shut up.

The reason being is that now the bitcoin is worthless again, all the crypto bros will simply have to go back to their jobs serving freedom fries and ham burgers. Sorry guys, I don’t make the rules.

Bitcoin’s been hit with the same thing that’s bringing the whole stock market down (and gold and silver along with it) and that’s a small tech slide after Microsoft reported lacklustre results.

But, somehow immune to this crisis, McDonald’s is laughing all the way to the bank.

Another reason why McDonald’s stock might be up is that the restaurant just launched ‘McNugget caviar’ for valentines day. What? What are you even talking about? What even is that? Ok, yeah, sure that’ll get shareholders excited.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! McDonald’s just launched a FRIENDS (the tv show) inspired line of happy meal toys and menu items. And literally the only reason I wanted to tell you this is so I can point you towards the company’s absolutely terrible press release that was clearly written by AI.

“Collectibles That’ll Make You Say, “Oh My Gawd!” 😱”

Like, come on, at least cover your tracks and delete the emojis. No? Ok.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Bitcoin or something. Idk, feel like I said everything I had to say on that. Boo-bee-doop.

Oh, it was a partial shutdown, that’s why I haven’t heard of it, for me it’s full shutdowns or I just don’t care

THE President, Donald Jonathan Trump just ended a government shutdown that started on Saturday. So, does he now hold the record for longest and shortest shutdowns in history?

The budget is worth $1.2 trillion dollars (USDollars) but the Department of Homeland Security (DeHoSe) will have its funding cut off next week whilst Democrats argue about ice (ICE).

The Demogorgans want icy agents to wear bodycams, not wear facemasks (ironic) and just overall give them less money. Jesus, seems a bit harsh, what did they do, shoot someone? Oh, they did? TWO people?? What the hell?

“This bill is a great victory for the American people,” said Trump, mega-sharpie in hand. But is it though? Isn’t this just business as usual? Inventing pull tabs for soda cans, that’s a great victory for the American people, this is just hyperbole.

Also, why has this become so business as usual? I know in general the political right is against big government but arguing for long enough the government has to shut down feels like a very circuitous and temporary way of sticking to those Washington elite.

I mean, the last one was only back in November. It’s becoming so normal now that I for one didn’t even hear about this shutdown and I’m PAID to read the news!

Democrats Just Played Their Trump Card

Now I know government shutdowns are becoming a bit of a political norm nowadays, this is the 12th (?) since 1980 (seven (?) of those under Trump’s watch), but things weren’t always this way. It began in 1980 with a specific interpretation of an 1884 spending law. From the 80s onward suddenly all government spending needed Congressional approval or it wouldn’t happen.

No other country does this by the way. If the government can’t agree on spending bills, that doesn’t mean planes start dropping out the sky, that would be insane, what an insane way to behave.

So if the law was changed once, why can’t it be changed again? Well, because it’s become a political tool. The pay of millions and the smooth running of the country is a hostage that political parties can kidnap then blame each other for when said hostage’s headsets inevitably blown off.

I guess until we have political peace and love and hand-holding, we’re going to see a lot more governments just ceasing to function right in the middle of a thought. Now bare in mind that