Ima Short | Wall Street Memes

Was the night out at an accredited college or something?

I mean, this it just a regular night out with the lads. I know, it always starts with the promise of “only a couple drinks” but you know how it goes, drinks are expensive these days, plus club entry fees, who hasn’t racked up these kind of numbers on an average Friday?

Oh, sure, Chase Bank and the woman in the viral TikTok “claims” it was a computer glitch, but we all see through you, Maddie. We know what the sitch is, and you just don’t want your parents to find out.

In a now-deleted TikTok on her own account, she recounted the experience, saying, “I wish I could say I bought the city of Los Angeles. It’s not the case here. I’m not really sure what inclined me to check my bank account at like 2 am. But I did. And then I saw negative 49 billion.”

woman 50 billion debt — not sure I should be screenshotting someone’s banking app and putting it online but, err…

But before anyone could arrive to break her kneecaps, she called the bank, who replied, “‘Hello this is Chase bank how may I help you?’ Hi, I’m negative 50 billion dollars in debt, and I’m not quite sure why. Do I have 50 billion dollars? No. I do have $76. So she goes, ‘can I put you on hold?’ I’ve never seen this before. I was like, oh.”

‘Oh,’ indeed.

As some Redditors have pointed out, she probably just left a cute waitress a reasonable tip and didn’t want to own up to it. That or she did a little too much drunken online shopping on Lockheed Martin’s website.

You know, girl math.

For more solid financial advice, read this: A Man Disguised Himself As His Dead Mom For Three Years To Steal Her Fortune

Hey, look, so here’s the thing, and I can only apologize, but the story I had for this clickbait headline was from this article that says 11% of Black Friday purchases were made with things like Klarna and 95% came from credit card transactions. So, that’s not really news, is it? “BREAKING NEWS: Credit Cards Used At Christmas”…

But the thing is I kind of locked in on this headline before I actually checked the source soooo….

Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting high-quality journalism from Wall Street Memes Dot Com?? Give me a break.

I guess I can still run with the latter part of my headline though…

OK, I just googled actual recession indicators and got bored immediately so here are some joke one’s instead:

TOP FIVE SEASONAL RECESSION INDICATORS!

5. Santa’s Fired His Elves

They weren’t able to unionize in time and have been replaced by AI.

4. Jerome Powell Has Been Added To The Naughty List

Who snitched? Don? Was it you?

3. IRS Will No Longer Accept Tax Returns ‘Via Chimney’

That could be a headline… Hey, if you see me use this in a couple of weeks, you know I ran out of ideas.

2. Colombian Drug Lords Are Shifting To ‘Fake Snow’ For Nativity Scenes Instead Of Cocaine

Too specific? Idk, I’ll brainstorm some other options…

1. Your Grandma Sends You Five Dollars Less This Year

Ok, but that one’s actually real though…

Alright, I hope you enjoy all that more than I did. I’m off to recess my indicators. Have fun.

For more Christmas miracles, read this: Christmas Voted Most Popular Vacation For Second Year Running

Cassandra’s at it again…

Famed investor, Michael ‘The Big Short’ Burry, just made a slew of apocalyptic predictions and they’re not exactly optimistic, but what did you really expect from an apocalyptic prediction?

Here’s a roundup of all the headlines he’s made this week:

The stock market is due for “a number of bad years” from a market-wide selloff worse than the 2000s market crash.

Bitcoin is the “tulip bulb of our time”.
Tesla is “ridiculously overvalued”.
Palantir will be worth a lot less in two years.
Interest rates shouldn’t be lowered.
The Fed shouldn’t exist and should be replaced by the Treasury Department.
Christian Bale isn’t returning his calls about The Big Short 2.

…Ok, that last one I made up, but the rest he did say.

I mean, that’s a lot of yapping for one small man. This is all from multiple blog posts right? Oh, this is all from one podcast interview? Oh damn.

Tell us how you really think, Michael.

But why should we listen to this guy? He keeps saying Troy is going to fall all day every day, but has it fallen yet? No, so he’s clearly wrong, I’m going to put my faith in the great gods of Apollo, Nvidia and Elon Musky Musky Musk.

For more on this story, gilly your peepers over this: Michael Burry Just Brought Up GME, Here Are 5 More Red Flags That Signal a Bubble

…because it’s a grift, always has been.

Don Jr and Eric Trump’s crypto mining company, American Bitcoin, just lost two-fifths of its value, and not just because it’s a valueless asset designed to be dumped. Wait, did I say that out loud?

Yep, almost $1 billion dollars in actual money was wiped off the Trump bros’ fledgling startup in under half an hour, mainly because the lock-up period just ended and all the investors suddenly remembered that they had better things to do with their money.

Trump crypto graph — Here’s hoping the graph is just upside down…

Naturally, Eric took to X to quell any panic, writing that investors were just exercising their option to “cash in on their profits for the first time which is why we will see volatility… I’m holding all my @ABTC shares – I’m 100% committed to leading the industry.”

Wait, does he not know? Should somebody tell him? Eric, my boy, the first rule of the con is you don’t con yourself…

Crypto? More like, grift-o

Eric’s also the guy who formally bragged on X that American Bitcoin handled 2% of the world’s Bitcoin transactions. Which can’t be true, you’re saying only 2% of bits coined are American? We used to be a real country…

Trump’s sons are also the founders of the shitcoin, World Liberty Financial, which also had a massive crash, down 86% this year. Turns out listing your dad/the president as “co-founder emeritus, whatever that means, isn’t enough to save your floundering business ventures.

In other news, Bitcoin just hit a two-week high, so make of those two pieces of news what you will…

For more news you can’t trust, read this: Trump Has Over $1 Billion In Bitcoin Profits, Does He Know Something We Don’t?

So the Federal Reserve (you know, the money guys?), they just pumped $13.5 billion into the U.S. Banking System through overnight repos (whatever that means). This would make it the 2nd largest liquidity injection into banks since COVID and bigger than anything similar done during the dot-com bubble.

Yeah, probably fine, nothing to worry about…

So to commemorate the impending collapse of the US economy, here are five reasons why this news might just be a bad thing, as explained by ChatGPT (shit, that might be reason number 6…)

5. Bank Reserves Are at Crisis-Era Lows, Echoing Pre-2008 Vulnerabilities

U.S. bank reserves plunged $102 billion in recent weeks to $2.8 trillion by late October 2025, the sharpest drop since the 2020 pandemic. This scarcity forced the Fed’s emergency repo usage to record highs, as seen in the October 31 spike. Similar reserve squeezes preceded the 2008 crisis, where liquidity dried up and forced fire sales; analysts warn this could trigger deleveraging if banks hoard cash instead of lending.

…OK, I didn’t read all that, but I heard something about fire and liquid, which cancels out, so we should all be fine, right?

4. Rising SOFR and Funding Rates Signal a Sneaky Credit Crunch Brewing

cheese bedsheet graph, nothing to do with banks — Here’s a graph. Not the right graph, mind you, but a graph nonetheless.

The Secured Overnight Financing Rate (SOFR) surged in late October 2025, hitting levels not seen in years, as banks paid premiums for short-term cash. The Fed’s $50.35 billion injection on October 31—the biggest since 2021—directly addressed this, but persistent spikes indicate counterparty fears and reduced interbank lending. This “canary in the coal mine” mirrors 2019’s repo turmoil, which nearly froze markets and could amplify volatility in stocks and bonds if unchecked.

You have no idea how hard it is to make this stuff funny, I’m telling you…

3. Quantitative Tightening Backfired, Forcing the Fed to U-Turn on Liquidity

The Fed’s ongoing balance sheet shrinkage (down to $6.58 trillion from $9 trillion in 2022) drained liquidity, clashing with $1.5 trillion in new Treasury issuance for fiscal 2025. This combo pushed the Standing Repo Facility to unprecedented use, culminating in the November 2025 announcements to halt QT by December 1. Critics argue this flip-flop reveals policy missteps, risking investor confidence and a repeat of 2020’s emergency interventions if reserves dip further.

I’m sorry, what was that about shrinkage draining liquidity? Please, talk to your doctor if you’re having trouble in the bedroom, don’t tell me all about it.

2. Treasury Debt Overload Is Sucking Cash Out, Straining the Entire System

Massive U.S. Treasury auctions—fueled by record deficits—absorbed bank cash in October 2025, exacerbating the reserve crunch and prompting the Fed’s $22 billion follow-up injection on November 4. With the Treasury General Account ballooning amid a brief government shutdown scare, this “liquidity tug-of-war” could force more bailouts, echoing dot-com pressures when debt surges overwhelmed markets and sparked the 2000 bust.

TLDR; we’re squrewed.

1. Inflation Risks Reignite as “Easy Money” Undermines Rate Hike Credibility

Despite Powell’s October 29, 2025, warnings on persistent inflation, the $125 billion flood—termed “stealth easing”—has markets pricing a 67% chance of December rate cuts, boosting risk assets like crypto but stoking reflation fears. If banks deploy this cash aggressively, it could fuel asset bubbles (as in the dot-com era), forcing the Fed into a policy whiplash that erodes trust and spikes volatility, per analysts tracking similar post-2020 patterns.

So there you have it, folks! I’d like to thank my helpful assistant ChatGPT for understanding all that so I don’t have to and now, if you don’t mind, I’m off to go put a short on the entire US economy…

The Big Short investor (who’s actually pretty tall in real life), Michael Burry, just Tweeted (X’d, whatever) “Remember GME?” and if that isn’t an omen signalling the impending apocalypse, I don’t know what is.

Except, in fact, I do. Here are five more massive red flags that very clearly say: “STOP! THERE’S A BUBBLE! STOP! TURN AROUND! RUN AWAY!!!” but, you know, in a subtle way…

1 – America’s 2nd richest man needs a government bailout

OK, so apparently Larry Ellison needs some of that sweet, sweet government money because Oracle and OpenAI can’t pay for the Nvidia orders they’ve placed. Except… I can’t find a single source for this other than our own social media accounts and this one post in Chinese on this website called Moomoo.com? What even is that? What’s going on?

2 – Surging VC Down-Rounds in AI Startups

Look, I understand as much of this as you do, assuming you don’t understand any of this. So down rounds are when later funding values a company at lower than they did in prior rounds. So the number of those things happening have hit a ten year high. 15.9% of deals are down rounds and of those numbers? 30% are AI firms. Hmm, yeah, not a good sign guys…

3 – Excessive Burn Rates in Early-Stage AI Firms

‘Series A’ AI companies are burning through $5 for every $1 in revenue they gain. Now I’m not a numbers guy, but I’m pretty sure you need those numbers to be the other way around to make a… profit? Is that the word, profit? These shitty rates are double what they normally are and the medium cumulative loss has reached $100 million in just three years.

That’s bad is what I’m saying.

4 – Massive Infrastructure Spending vs. Meager Revenue

We all know this one and I’ve even heard it argued that the AI bubble isn’t like the dot com boom because AI is building energy infrastructure and yeah, sure, you keep telling yourself that buddy…

Big Tech is planning on spending $400 billion in AI this year (that’s about $250 per global iPhone user). But when you look at say, OpenAI’s $20 billion annual revenue, that just doesn’t square up against its $1.4 trillion data center ambitions.

The fact of things is that only 3% of users pay for AI tools and most firms report no bottom-line impact. WE HAVE GONE ALL IN ON A PRODUCT PEOPLE DON’T WANT. This plan has a higher chance of creating a bubble than a clown making balloon animals in a soap factory.

5 – High-Profile Investor Exits and CEO Warnings

This is like all the birds flying away before a storm. Peter Thiel’s sold his $100 million Nvidia stake. Michael Burry’s shorted Nvidia and Palantir. Softbank is bailing on the $6 billion they had invested. Alphabet’s CEO Sundat Pichai said the frenzy over AI is like the 90s internet bubble. 45% of fund managers flag it as a top tier market risk.

…I could go on. But I said I’d only do five, so that’s all your getting.

You get the idea: the world is about to burn and we’re all sat around saying, “This is fine.”

Of course it won’t. It’s a ‘non-profit’. Do you even know what that means? Are you dumb?

HSBC, the world’s local bank, has just released a report saying that OpenAI is a little bit screwed, actually, but what do they know? Are they financial analysts? Oh, they are, oh, ok…

So HSBC’s Global Investment Research (or ‘girrrrr’ for short) estimates that OpenAI won’t be profitable until 2030, which sounds like a long time but that’s only four years away. Where does the time go?

hsbc openai profit graph — Idk how they can possibly predict the future like that. Maybe they have superpowers? If I were them, I’d use their superpowers for something else, really, this is just a waste.

The numbers don’t really add up given how massive and important OpenAI is. Hell, I don’t know about you guys but without ChatGPT I’m basically illiterate. And by 2030, husbucuh anticipates that 44% of the population will be using one of the alt man’s products. So it’s a real shame for them that they still don’t really know how to monetize this thing.

OpenAI? More like, struggling to pay the bills…

They’re trying different things, sure. You’ve got the new web browser. You’ve got ads in your ChatGPT, fine. But none of these make it enough of a product to justify the inordinate costs of running this thing. OpenAI’s business model is based entirely on growth which is fine, so long as that growth is exactly what you expect, the moment it dips below, well then, phhhff, you know what that means…

…please, tell me because I have no idea.

The Happy Sappy Banking Company also said that to keep up with its estimated growth plans, OpenAI will need to raise about $207 billion in funds by 2030. And I know that sounds like a lot, but that’s because it is.

Who knows, maybe OpenAI will go for profit sooner than we thought, and we’ll start seeing ChatGPT spin off breakfast cereal before the decade’s out. …Hey, you gotta make money somehow.

You want more on this story? Firstly, what is wrong with you? Secondly, click here: OpenAI’s Money Problem: Why the Government Might Have To Bail Them Out With Public Funds

CNBNC’s Jimothy ‘Anti-Cassandra’ Cramer has said he’s bullish on Google (GLG) in his latest televised ramblings, leading this writer to switch entirely to using Microsoft’s Bing for the foreseeable future.

The analysis came when Cramer tasked himself with weighing up who would win in the AI race. Cramer sat in silence, staring at the wall for 14 minutes, until he dribbled a little bit and spluttered, “GOOGLE”, before collapsing to the ground.

I guess that’s means he’s pro… pro google? Right?

After a shot of his favorite adrenaline/cocaine cocktail, Cramer then perked up and vomited out this:

“Well you know what, look, I don’t want to steal something because I’ve got these guys that I’m on, for a podcast this morning, TBOY, and they’re really pretty terrific. That’s The Best One Yet. It was a great podcast. But they’re saying, listen, what’s happened here, is OpenAI wants to be Alphabet, but we don’t need OpenAI because Alphabet is, Alphabet has everything that OpenAI would like to have. I think it’s a great analysis. And I think it became clear to people over the last 100 points, that Alphabet is the best of all these. And if OpenAI thinks they can take on Alphabet, they’re greatly mistaken. They can come up and be number two, I know, they want to be number one in everything. . .”

So make of that what you will but I’m not reading it.

Cramer has long since prostelithised (?) the good goog’s name. He’s been a fan of YouTube ever since my trip to the zoo I’ll have you know. And now with the latest news that Googol and Meta (I hardly know her, to me she’ll always be The Facebook) are going to be combining forces Cramer’s putting his money firmly where his mouth is and right now his mouth is on Google’s dick.

Yeah, I’m not falling for that again, Cramer. My reverse Cramer stock’s way up so I’m trusting anti-you. It’s Bing all the way for me, baby.

Nvidia’s share price has finally tanked, down 2.5% just today, 14% from its November 3 high. That means over the past month, it’s lost an entire JP Morgan’s worth of value. I know that might sound like a lot, but bear in mind that Mr. JP Morgan is worth at least 2.5% of Nvidia, so I’ll let you do the math on that.

On top of this heartwrenching news, Google’s stepping up as a major competitor, and Meta’s already said they’re planning to switch from Nvidia to Google… You know what they say, ‘the more $5 trillion they’re worth, the harder they fall.’

And no one’s happier to see that idiom come true than Mr. Michael Burry of Big Shortening fame.

You see, Burry’s done what he does best and shorted Nvidia for billions. But the scary part comes from a recent Substack post where he called this ‘step one’ on the roadmap to repeating the 2008 financial crisis.

Michael Burry office meme — Burry’s analysis in full.

Wait, you’re saying I actually will be able to afford a house soon‽ Huzzah!

Clapping back against Burry’s analysis, Nvidia’s analysts were quick to say Burry had butchered the math on this one, writing, “Mr. Burry appears to have incorrectly included RSU taxes.”

Burry then clapped back to the clap back in a clapback post called, “Unicorns and Cockroaches: Blessed Fraud,” whatever that means. He said that Nvidia’s memo “almost reads like a hoax,” and that it was “disingenuous on the face, and disappointing.”

Not-Christian-Bale also acknowledged the surprisingly wide reaction to his previous post, saying, “I have been drawn into something much bigger than me.”

Too right, Burry, I should hope the end of the gooddam world is out of your control.

Soon the world will burn, and Michael Burry will be there, fiddling away.

It’s getting awks…

Michael Burry, the famous investor who correctly called the 2008 financial crisis as depicted in The Big Short, has been on a rampage lately, betting $1.1 billion against Nvidia and Palantir, posting pictures of Christian Bale to X, declaring the AI bubble is about to burst, and just generally ringing a big bell screaming, “the end is nigh.”

And yeah, Nvidia’s not happy about it.

nvidia gpu diagram Burry — Here’s a diagram of Nvidia’s GeForce 6 Series GPU Architecture. You’ll need to memorize this if you’re to survive the coming robot wars.

The mega chip company sent a memo to Wall Street analysts in an attempt to cool things down. Here it is in full:

“Nvidia repurchased $91B shares since 2018, not $112.5B; Mr. Burry appears to have incorrectly included RSU taxes. Employee equity grants should not be conflated with the performance of the repurchase program. Nvidia’s employee compensation is consistent with that of peers. Employees benefiting from a rising share price does not indicate the original equity grants were excessive at the time of issuance.”

Did the Big Short guy just get ‘um, actually-ed’ by Nvidia? I’d frame that and put it on my wall.

Burry Your Head In The Sand

The memo was in response to Burry shuttering his hedge fund, Scion Asset Management this month and pivoting to a newsletter called, “Cassandra Unchained”. Not that he’s full of himself or anything.

More on that story here: Michael Burry Just Deregistered Scion Asset Management, Is It Time To Short The Big Short Investor?

The idea is that by no longer being beholden to his private investors, he can now be more candid with his financial advice. But do we have a new oracle or just another Jim Cramer?

In Burry’s first post, he expanded on the parallels between today’s AI boom and the 2000s dot-com crash, pointing the finger squarely at Nvidia.

“And once again there is a Cisco at the center of it all, with the picks and shovels for all and the expansive vision to go with it… Its name is Nvidia.”

Mmm, yeah, I feel like the most valuable company in the world isn’t going to be happy about that.

But as Burry pointed out in the same post, quoting Charlie Munger, “If you go around popping a lot of balloons, you are not going to be the most popular fellow in the room.”

We’ll have to wait and see who’s going to win the upcoming ‘Great AI War of 2026’. Will it be the unsinkable Titantic? Or will it be lil Kate Winslett, suggesting that maybe we don’t have enough lifeboats…

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Was the night out at an accredited college or something?

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5. Santa’s Fired His Elves

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1. Your Grandma Sends You Five Dollars Less This Year

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Cassandra’s at it again…

Tell us how you really think, Michael.

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