Pen Smith | Wall Street Memes

Look no one knows the future except for Michael Burry, but we can make some educated guesses so without further ado, here are some completely unfounded wild predictions for 2026 that I pulled straight out my arse:

10. The markets will do something

I’m pretty confident in that one.

9. Warren Buffett will die

I mean, surely. Surely.

8. The AI bubble will burst

And my boss will finally stop asking me to use ChatGPT.

7. Michael Burry will short the entire global economy

And in doing so probably causing the very crash he was predicting.

6. Cramer will get something right for once

I mean, he needs the win, come on give him that.

5. Bitcoin will crash some more

But then probably jump back up. I mean, it is a volatile investment, what do you expect?

4. Trump will do something crazy

He’s coming up to almost a full year of one insane announcement a day so let’s see if he can keep that winning streak going.

3. I’ll do another one of these lists for 2027

It’s pretty likely I’ll just reuse this idea and most of the same text in 12 months’ time. If I’m still here that is.

2. When creating the list for 2027 I’ll regret choosing to do 10 entries

I know it doesn’t seem like a big number, but it really is when you have to think of something new and funny for each. I don’t know what I’m doing here, oh god I’ve still got one more to think of…

1. The world will implode and we will all die

That is, if we’re lucky.

Alright, it’s nearly the end of the year, and I just know you’re wondering, “What were the best-performing articles on Wall Street Memes Dot Com in this year of our lord two-thousand-and-twenty-five?”

Well, I’m so glad you asked, Jimmy. Without any further ado and in no particular order other than lowest to highest, here are our top 10 most clicked-click-bait-garbage-satirical-articles of 2025. Bring on 2026!

10. Socialist Mamdani Wins NYC Mayor, Here’s Where All The Billionaires Are Fleeing To

Yes, that is his first name. I feel like this one poked some buttons here. We’ve got that controversial buzzword ‘socialist’ we’ve got billionaires fleeing and the walking 2025-viral-trend that is Zohran Mamdani. If you’re not sick of politics by this point, you might just have a read.

9. Bezos Sells Amazon Shares To Pay For Wedding, Narrowly Avoids Bankruptcy

Bezos’ big-sumer bloat out was the talk of the internet earlier this year and although it’s not true that he almost went bankrupt (that’s literally impossible), he did spend the GDP of a small country on his wedding, so I was only exaggerating a little bit…

8. Michael Burry Just Brought Up GME, Here Are 5 More Red Flags That Signal a Bubble

I mean, Burry and GME, we’re talking pure finance bro meme-fuel right there, why wouldn’t you want to read more?

7. Nvidia Just Declared War On Michael Burry: Here’s What They’ve Both Said

Yep, Burry has been the gift that keeps on giving to satirical finance writers specifically. Thanks, Mike, keep ‘em coming.

6. Campbell’s Just Had A Massive Leak And You’ll Never Guess What’s Really In Its Soups

Now this one sounds like a specific can had a hole in it and of course you’re going to want to read on to find out if that can’s yours. Don’t want your groceries all covered in soup now do you?

5. You Won’t Believe Who’s The Front Runner For Time’s Person Of The Year

It was AI btw. Did they announce that in the end? Idk, cba to check. What, do you think I actually read the news? Get real.

4. Dollar Tumbles After Trump Announces Son Eric To Replace Jerome Powell

At this point we were still writing joke headlines and I’m worried that most people clicked through because it sounds real. I mean, it is something he’d do, isn’t it?

3. Trump Wins Custody Of Joe Rogan In Divorce With Musk

I’m pretty sure I stole this joke off a Twitter comment but hey, we’ve had most of our memes stolen at one point or another so fair’s fair, right?

2. ChatGPT To Allow Pornography, OnlyFans Stock Plummets

Yeah, I see you. I know why you’re all clicking on this one. Jesus. Depraved incels the lot of you. Get your minds out the gutter!

1. Trump Just Said This To Netanyahu In Front Of Millions And Everyone Is Losing Their Minds

Literally thousands of clicks above the rest, is it that much better an article? That much more informative or entertaining? No. It’s all garbage, but you suckers just can’t resist that sweet sweet clickbait, can you?

Well, I don’t know about you but I’ve learned nothing. Here’s to another year of trashy clickbait. Enjoy!

Despite doing his bestest recently to end up on the President’s Nice List, it looks like Jerome Powell has received something a little worse than coal this year…

Little Jay Powell was so excited come Christmas morning that he woke up extra early, bounded down the stairs and found waiting under the tree a large present especially for him. Yippee!

But upon approaching the gift, JP saw that it emanated a mysterious green gas that smelled distinctly of arsenic. Little J. then checked the tag, and yes, it was addressed to him, but it was from none other than Don ‘the president’ Trump.

Jerome Powell? More like, Jerome POW, take that!

Jerome was heartbroken. He’d done everything he could to be good this year. He’d lowered interest rates at least once. He’d renovated the fed. He’d even bribed the right politicians. Was the federally appointed Elf on the Shelf even watching?

Well, it was all for nothing, Santa still wanted you dead and there was nothing you could do to change that.

Pow-pow is, of course, a prudent fellow so he had the present incinerated humanely but needless to say, Mr. Trump won’t be getting a Christmas card this year and Jeromey-boy is going to have to watch his back from here on out.

Merry Christmas! Happy Xmas! Heri za Kwanzaa! And all the above!

What are you doing here? It’s Christmas Day, and you’ve logged into Wall Street Memes Dot Com? Do you really have nothing better to do?

I don’t know what to tell you. There’s no financial news to speak of, and I’ve not really got anything funny to say. Look, see, look, nothing, I’ve got nothing.

I mean, this is the best I can do, take it or leave it: Melania’s Christmas Budget Uncertain Following Trump Spending Freeze

Are you really that bored? What, have you opened all your presents, eaten all your turkey? Argued with your weirdly-forward Uncle? Maybe you could pull a cracker or two? Is there really nothing left for you to do on today of all days?

Ok, if you’ve not dont all that then do something, go home. Call your mom, storm a stranger’s house wailing carols, honestly, literally anything would be better than reading the words in front of you right now.

Wall Street Memes is hardly improving stuff at the best of times, but seriously, today is not the day when you’re going to be gaining from this interaction.

Why am I still here? Oh, well, because I have to be here. I’m paid to be here. I don’t have a family or friends to go to, so I volunteered, I said, yeah, sure, I can take the Christmas shift, I don’t mind, I’ve not got anything better to do…

…hey, I guess that’s you too.

Well, hi. I’m sorry we’ve both got nothing else on today but now I’m not so sorry to see you. I guess, I doesn’t matter if I’m the only one to say it to you today, and even if we are both lonely strangers communicating across the internet, I just want to say…

…Merry Christmas.

The results are in, and it’s jingle all the way!

In a national survey, Christmas has been officially declared America’s most popular day, beating out other popular days such as the Fourth of July, the Fifth of July, and the Eighth of July.

The survey, conducted by fourth-grader Luke Bissal for his school math project, asked seven classmates to rank their favourite vacation of the year, and this year Christmas came out on top.

Prior winners of the coveted ‘most popular vacation’ award were… Christmas and Christmas and…

Well, that’s it, as Luke’s only done the survey twice before. This confirms last year’s data when Luke conducted the same research and reached the same result.

Although the country waits with bated breath for next year’s result, Luke said that he probably won’t conduct the same survey again, as Miss Munroe said he should have thought up a new one this year and they might not even do this project again anyways.

Until then, Christmas lovers across the world are hailing the news as “exuberant” and “the best thing since Christmas.”

A Christmas Miracle For All The Family To Enjoy Today

One festive fiend couldn’t help but comment, “Wowee! It’s a Christmas-time miracle. I’ve always known that Christmas is the best time of year, but it’s nice to have it confirmed by real hard scientific data that you can’t dispute or argue with. I’ll toast my eggnog to that!”

Another annual Christmas-goer, who asked to remain anonymous, added, “It’s Christmas all around the world! Even here in sunny Portugal where the sun always shines and the rain is never near, we think Christmas is the best time of year every year and are so glad to hear that there’s a little lad out there who agrees with me and my best friends, Tiana, Michael, and Chlorine.”

Critics of the results, however, were quick to pour Grinch-flavoured Scrooge juice all over everyone’s fun.

According to so-called scientists, Luke’s survey was far from conclusive as he wasn’t wearing a white coat at the time. Had he been conducting the survey in the official uniform of science (and maybe even been holding a clipboard and pen for extra effect), then the scientific community might have looked at these results with a bit more respect.

Until then, Christmas will have to remain just ‘one of the most popular days for a third year in a row’.

For more on this story, read this: Christmas Voted Most Popular Vacation For Second Year Running

In a ground breaking agreement, world leaders from across the globe have come together to ban all wars, with the exception of the War on Christmas.

“We believe that this is a fair and equitable solution that will allow us to maintain peace and harmony while still preserving our cherished holiday traditions,” said United Nations Secretary-General António Guterres.

The ban on war will go into effect immediately, with the exception of the War on Christmas, which will be allowed to continue indefinitely.

War on Christmas death toll now in the millions

When asked why the War on Christmas was excluded from the ban, Guterres explained that it is a “sacred conflict” that must be fought every year to protect the sanctity of the holiday.

“The War on Christmas is a battle for the soul of our civilization,” said Guterres. “We must never surrender to the forces of secularism and political correctness that seek to destroy our most cherished traditions.”

World leaders also agreed to establish a new international organization, the War on Christmas Council, which will be responsible for overseeing the conflict and ensuring that it is conducted in a fair and orderly manner.

war on christmas meme — Oh, is this too controversial? Can’t handle a little dark humor, huh? It’s woke correctness gone mad!! I SAY LEGALIZE COMEDY!!!

The council will be made up of representatives from all countries that celebrate Christmas, and it will be responsible for setting the rules of engagement, monitoring compliance with the ban on war, and investigating any alleged violations.

The agreement to ban all wars except for the War on Christmas was met with mixed reactions. Some people praised the decision, saying that it would help to promote peace and understanding among nations. Others criticized the decision, saying that it was discriminatory and unfair.

war on christmas tweet — How about this one? Too soon? God, I can’t win with you!!!

Despite the controversy, the ban on war is expected to go into effect as scheduled. And so, the world will once again be at peace, except for people who say ‘happy holidays,’ they can get shot.

You’ve heard of the Air Force, you’ve heard of Space Force well now get ready for TECH FORCE!

TECHFOOOORRRCE!!! *nenenehnehnehnehTHEME TUNE!!*

*explosion!*

Yeeeahh, baby, the US Tech Force is a new program to get you yung-uns into tech. So get this, with NO college degree and ZERO experience, YOU can earn between $150,000 and $200,000 for a two year stint working in a federal agency! Bargain!

(I promise this isn’t an advert… well, it is an advert for WSM Casino, I mean, this isn’t an advert for Tech Force is what I mean…)

So why is the government looking to hire more people when DOGE just fired so many government employees? Well, because DOGE just fired so many government employees. Turns out that those people who pushed the buttons and pressed the levers? Well, yeah, you need those people.

But what you DON’T need is to pay for experienced people, no, you can just hire teenagers off the street for much much less! Yay!

Where’s Big Balls? Let’s get him back in here, he can run the show.

According to Fortune, DOGE, “Orchestrated the departure of about 260,000 government employees through buyouts, early retirements, or terminations. Among those cuts were technology-focused programs including the entire 18F digital consulting group and substantial portions of the U.S. Digital Service.”

But now, tech force aims to hire 1,000 “fellows” to stop that gap. Partnered with AWS, Meta, Microsoft, Apple, Oracle, Palantir and xAI to train these new peeps and then maybe even hire them afterwards this could be a really good scheme for you reading this right now, why are you still here? SIGN UP TODAY!

Back in the day, famed car manufacturer Henry T. Ford spoke out against the creation of a central US bank and was then promptly murdered by JP Morgan on the Titanic.

Jks.

But Ford did have his newspaper, The Dearbord Independent, write that the Federal Reserve System was “a system of private banks [that heradled] a creation of a banking aristocracy.”

Yeah, but he also didn’t like anyone who drove a red car, so what does he know?

God, could you imagine private financial interests running newspapers and such? So glad that doesn’t happen today.

Ford also commented that, “It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.”

Haha, what a joker. Yes, we’ve come a long way since Ford’s time. The Fed is now a cornerstone of the US economy, along with the gold reserve, and my regular credit card repayments, which I definitely do.

Meanwhile, Henry Ford died penniless and isn’t remembered for anything.

But his legacy lives on! Ford’s sentiment has echoes in current US President Donald J. Trump thinking. Trump has recently spoken out against the Fed and its chair, saying that, “I don’t think it good,” probably, idk, I don’t read the news.

But what do you think? Is the Fed really just a private bank designed to divest money from individuals and businesses and move control into the hands of big government? Or do you disagree?

Let us know in the comments!

‘He’ As In Schiff, Not Trump, Just To Be Clear…

Hey, remember Donald Trump? Well, it turns out that since hosting the Celerity Apprentinces, Donald “Trump” Trump has gone on to become the President Of America. Who knew?

And, but, even though he’s long since hung up his The Apprentice hat, it seems like Old Don is up to his old tricks again but this time he’s targeting ‘stockbroker’ Peter Schiff for the “you’re fired treatment”. Haha.

Yesterday, daily children’s television show about a talking fox and his buddies, Fox And Friends, hosted ‘stockbroker’ Peter Schiff on the podcast for some reason. But here’s the thing: Trump likes the fox but he also likes himself so it’s kind of awkward to have himself-critic on the thing he likes. It’s kind of hard to get your head around, “Thing I like likes thing I don’t like?” *Tim Allen wooouuuuhh?? noise*

“Why would Fox and Friends Weekend (of all things?) put on a ‘Stockbroker’ named Peter Schiff, a Trump hating loser who has already proven to be wrong,” said Trump on Truth Social. (What would a social truth look like? Oh, like the popular kid who just tells it like it is and is actually really mean but calls it honesty, is that what Truth Social is?)

Related story: Donald Trump

“Either the show made a mistake, or it is heading in a different direction. He thinks prices are going up when, in fact, they are coming substantially down. Gasoline hit $1.99 a gallon yesterday, in certain states, and is down BIG since Biden.”

Biden? Jesus Christ, he’s DEAD, move on!

Oh wait, I forgot to mention the ‘crazy’ part I teased in the headline. Bitcoin critic Schiff responded on X, saying, “Since Pres. Trump called me a jerk and a loser for claiming that prices are still rising when he insists they’re coming way down, I challenge him, or his designee, to a debate on the U.S. economy and the efficacy of his policies. If I’m as wrong as he says I am, let him prove it.”

In a separate post, Schiff also said that Donald should change the name of his social media site to “Lie Social.” Hahaha. That’s clever.

So whether Trump will actually take up the ‘stockbroker’ on his debate offer remains to be seen but no, he definitely won’t, what are you talking about? Of course that’s not going to happen.

Facebook’s daddy company, Meta, has just announced a 30% scale back of spending on their flagship VR ‘metaverse’ product and the whole planet let out a collective sigh of relief.

The market’s agreed that giving up on this dream is probably a good idea, gifting the Zuck a 5% stock boost for the company worth about $69 billion dollars in money.

We call that in the biz, “a carrot”.

facebook meta metaverse stock — Here’s a graph. Does this mean anything to you?

Metaverse? I hardly know her

For over half a decade, Facebook has really been trying to “make fetch happen,” but hasn’t released any substantial products, the ones they have shown off are janky af and no one really wants a virtual reality world in the first place except for sex pests and cool sci-fi hackers.

But no, when the Zuck goes, he goes hard, reskinning the company as ‘Meta’ in 2021, signalling its commitment to the pos product that no one wants.

That’s quite a statement there son, would be embarrassing if after committing to the name you then pivoted to AI in 2023, huh?

I mean, that really says it all. Tech companies all have that startup mindset of chasing growth above everything else. The moment you stop, you die. That’s why they all seem to branch out into these bizarre disparate products and it’s why they’ll push whatever new shiny thing they can find if it looks like it’ll get more eyes on them.

In the 2000s it was the internet, in the 2010s it was cloud computing, now it’s AI but for a moment there, the Zuck reeeeallly thought it was going to be VR.

The dog that caught the car

And yes, some of those bets paid off, but those successes are littered with the corpses of companies that lost out chasing the same goal. And on top of that, us poor consumers had to suffer through every fad being stapled to every product then rammed down our throats whether we wanted it or not. (Need I mention NFTs?)

So good riddance to the metaverse, but then, it was always meant to die. Just wait and see, when the next shiny shiny waves itself in front of Mark he’ll ditch AI just as quick. They all will. Because this isn’t about making good products. It’s about growth. It’s about making money above everything else.

And it always has been.

For more on Facebook just nailing exactly what everyone wants, read this: Facebook Announces “Smart Glasses” To Make You Look Smart

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10. The markets will do something

9. Warren Buffett will die

8. The AI bubble will burst

7. Michael Burry will short the entire global economy

6. Cramer will get something right for once

5. Bitcoin will crash some more

4. Trump will do something crazy

3. I’ll do another one of these lists for 2027

2. When creating the list for 2027 I’ll regret choosing to do 10 entries

1. The world will implode and we will all die

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