Max Profit | Wall Street Memes

THE President Donald Trump has just created the ‘President’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology’ (PCAST) in order to bribe tech leaders, sorry, in order to advise on AI policy and other issues. This can only go well.

Appointed to the Council of Doom we have all the familiar faces, Mark Zuckerberg (of Facesmash fame), Oracle CEO Larry Ellison (of friends with Donald Trump fame), Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang (of leather jacket wearing fame), Google’s co-founder Sergey Brin, AMD’s CEO and like a bunch of other people probably but they’re not famous enough to make my lil list here.

Now, I know what you’re all wondering, and yes, it’s true, we do live in a technocratic oligarchy.

Because doesn’t this just feel like all the worst powerful people cosying up to one person who’s slightly worse and slightly more powerful than them? Yeah, in the history books we call that kind of thing ‘corruption’.

But who knows, maybe I’m just a cynical, wisened, wrinkly old man, maybe this’ll be a good thing and these experts in their fields can genuinely advise our government to make some sensible decisions.

Orrrrr maybe we’ll just get another shit show like DOGE…

Given this motley crew’s track record for implementing new tech ethically, I’d say it’s going to be more the latter.

But there’s a secret third option, that’s probably the most likely, that this is just an honorary appointment, a gold star to keep everyone sweet and make them feel better.

Sure they’ll talk a bunch and maybe have the tiniest bit of influence but will it actually make a change? Well, I sure hope not.

(Oh, sorry, were you hoping to find out about how “their stock went wild”? Idk if that’s even true. I didn’t look it up I just assumed it because it sounded clickbaity. It worked right? You clicked, right? Cool, well then we’re all winners here, aren’t we?)

Not like, ‘explode’ explode, I mean explode in a good way…

SpaceX has told investors that they’re expecting to raise $75 billion dollars in money from its first IPO making it the largest listing in the history of ever.

But who’s the biggest winner out of all this? Well, unless you’re a big business nerd, the answer may shock you. Are you sitting down? Ok…

It’s Elon Musk.

I know, I know, calm down, it’s unexpected. BUT the other big winner out of this is none other than Google’s parent company: The Alphabet (of English language fame).

Yeah, turns out Google is one of the biggest investors in Musk Space Venture Dot Com, and has been since at least 2015. Who knew? Not me. Hopefully them.

This news comes hot off the heels that SpaceX (SPACO) is reportedly considering an IPO (initial public option) that would rocket boost (I can’t help myself) the company to a $1 trillion dollars in money valuation.

“It’s going to be the craziest IPO in the history of the stock market,” said Shay Boloor, chief market strategist for Futurum Equities Research, in an interview in which he himself went crazy. “If it’s trying to go for $1.5 trillion, I ‌wouldn’t be surprised if it goes up to over $2 trillion once it gets open.”

To da moon!

SpaceX hasn’t had a problem raising money in the past, but a public offering might significantly increase the company’s cash flow. As any good rocket scientist, economist, and gastroenterologist will tell you, when it comes to rocket fuel, cash flow, and fecal matter: liquid is better.

But the big one to profit isn’t just SpaceX investors, it’s the big man, the man in charge, the top dog, his muskiness himself: JOHN CENA!! Jk, ELON MUSK!!

With SpaceX’s cash explosion, Musk will likely go from being the world’s richest man to being the world’s richest man but more so. Estimators estimate that he will likely reach the one trillion mark that he’s been so desperate to achieve ever since his mother didn’t love him.

Related article: Tesla Approved Elon’s $1trl Pay Package, Here’s What It’ll Take For Him to Win It

SpaceX? More like, SpaceXcusetogetmoremoneyoffpeople

The downside is that Musk will then be beholden to those pathetic snivelling losers, what are they called? Oh yeah, ‘shareholders’. Bleh.

They already kicked off when he asked for a DESERVED one trillion pay package for not quitting his job and that’s not fair, ok? Well, now they might be whiny bitches again and hold back THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE FROM GOING INTERPLANETARY.

Do you want that? No. So give us your money and don’t have any other input beyond that, got it? Ok? Ok.

Glad we could straighten that out. You may leave now.

Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang says that he thinks we’ve achieved Artificial General Intelligence also known as, AGI.

In case you hadn’t heard, artificial intelligence (AI) isn’t the holy grail that you imagined it was. No, because we’ve already made advanced software and then maybe jumped the gun by calling it AI we have to think up a new name for what’s been described by science fiction books and stuff.

And that’s AGI, as opposed to artificial narrowly intelligence, AGI can do almost anything you ask it to, unlike current AI which is shit.

But AI hype man, Jensen Huang recently spoke on a podcast saying that we’re already there. “I think it’s now. I think we’ve achieved AGI,” he said, before referencing OpenClaw and then saying an AI could probably run a company.

Way to put yourself out of a job.

Now, I say ‘wall street just went nuts’ and not going to lie, that was a lie. Wall street didn’t really react. In fact, Nvidia stock is down 6% this year. That was just a clickbaity headline to get you to click on this article. I’m sorry.

When AGI is actually created, I imagine the stock market might have something else to say about things, but until then, yeah, this is just more hype from a sector overstuffed with hype.

Good boy.

For all our technology and invention, we still can’t seem to improve upon the most tried and true of security methods: big guy in front of door. Some call it the oldest profession, because since the time of the ancients, big guy in front of door has been a staple of society, a cornerstone of civilization.

But now some people are trying to improve upon perfection. According to Business Insider, Boston Dynamics, the company that sells ‘Spot’ the robot guard dog, have “seen a huge, huge uptick in interest from data centers in the last year,” explained Merry Frayne, senior director of product management at Boston Dynamics, “which is probably not surprising given the investment in that space.”

Yeah, they’ve got money to burn. So why pay minimum wage to some pathetic human when you can spend $300,000 on something out of robocop?

Well because reportedly, Spot can do more than just security. This food legged friend can also keep on the lookout for malfunctioning machinery, safety hazards and won’t just chill in the office on its phone like Phil does. Come on Phil, what are we paying you for?

Robot Dogs? Now I’ve Seen Everything!

But is Spot a sign of things to come? Is a robot uprising on the horizon? Well, yes and no. long-term projections project robots could come to dominate manual labor jobs. Some estimates claim that 2030 could see robot shipments reach one million, for a revenue of $21 billion. This jumps to $5 trillion by 2050.

This isn’t the realty yet however as annual robot sales have flatlined at 500,000 units ever since 2021 with no signs of budging.

So what’s the barrier? Well, lots of things. Cost is a big one with prohibitive price tags barring all but the military and AI companies. If the average consumer is going to start buying, it’s going to have to be cheaper.

And then there’s the fact that the tech isn’t necessarily there yet. We’ve seen enough videos of robots falling over while trying to load a dishwasher to know they’re not helping out on a large scale any time soon.

These self-driving cars are programmed to move fast and break things

Uber has announced plans to invest $1.25 billion dollars in electric EV vehicle manufacturer, Rivian, in order to build a “robotaxi fleet” once again proving that in the tech world, humans are a bug, not a feature.

By 2031 Uber says they’ll have 50,000 autonomous R2 vehicles (exclusive to Uber) in 25 cities across North America and Europe, or putting it another way, that’s 50,000 drivers out of work.

Bear in mind that Uber already carved up the taxi industry, pushed everyone to follow the gig economy model then refused to put the pieces back together when it began unsustainable. Well, now they’re going to do the same thing, just this time with their own market and who cares if an entire industry gets broken along the way.

The irony is palpable. It’s kind of like Netflix being a DVD rental service then being the very company that kills the DVD.

But it does make sense, like Facebook, 23 And Me and Pokémon Go before them, Uber looks to be one of those bait and switch data harvesting schemes. I mean, they’ve spent years grabbing data on traffic, shortcuts, and routes from its drivers. Now they’ve got everything they need, it’s time to reveal the real plan: FULL MECHANISATION! AHHHHH!!

Uber? More like, screw people over! hahaha

Anyway, here’s a breakdown of the deal:

A bulk buy of 10,000 autonomous R2 EVs.
The option to buy 40,000 more beginning in 2030.
An initial $300 million investment in Rivian, pending regulatory approval.
Up to $1.25 billion investment committed through to 2032, subject to performance milestones.

Uber’s stock remained flat from the announcement for some reason but Rivian got a massive 10% bump. That’s almost one tenth of a hundred. Huge.

So yeah, we’ll see what happens next. But it could easily be that Uber ushers in the next era of autonomous vehicles just like they brought about the current era of taxi-ness.

Maybe the real Warner Bros Discovery was the AI Ben Afflecks we bought along the way

Still feeling like their studio-buying itch hasn’t been scratched, Netflix has announced that they’ve just bought InterPositive, Ben Affleck’s AI production software company for anywhere up to $600 (million) dollars in real money.

Affleck (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) worked on the technology in secret for years before securing investment in 2025. The tools he developed have already been employed in an upcoming David Fincher (Alien3) film staring Brad Pitt (Cool World).

Announcing the merger, Netflix has released a sit-down discussion between Affleck and Netflix’s CPTO and CCO. The video, which I found surprisingly wholesome and persuasive, features an oddly exasperated Baffleck explaining that, “No, no! Don’t worry! This isn’t the bad kind of AI, we promise!!”

Ben Affleck is just really tired and doesn’t want to act anymore

As he explains, the tools he’s developed at InterPositive consist of simple post-production AI tools that aren’t designed to replace actors, artists or create a whole movie for you. No, you still have to shoot the whole movie first but then you can use Affleck’s (now Netflix’s) AI tools to train on what you’ve shot and get it to remove booms in frame, replace some set dressing, tweak some lighting.

If you’re still sceptical, well, you should be. All those changes are still jobs that require humans and artistry. We’ve seen enough AI slop and Tilly Fucking Norwoods to know that AI cannot fully replace human filmmaking.

But maybe that’s old man yelling at cloud. Technology has constantly changed and shaped the industry and at every stage, people have ‘yelled at cloud’.

Matte paintings. Sound. Miniatures. Color. Green screen. Digital camera. CGI. At one point all of these were seen as a lazy filmmaking and taking away from the artistry of the filmmakers. Now all of them are indelible to modern films.

But then on another, third hand, it could be argued that these powerful technologies have allowed filmmakers to lean on a ‘fix it in post’ mentality. To not light properly because the digital cameras will catch everything. To not to decide on costumes, sets, locations ahead of time because it can be CG-ed or reshot later. It could be argued that tech that makes filmmaking easier leads to lazier, flatter and less technically competent films that makes audiences ask, “Why don’t movies look like movies any more?”

But despite the tech, every decade has great films and bad films. There’s clearly a happy middle ground.

And love it or hate it, AI is the next technology on that list, it will (and already is) being employed to make films and that’s only going to become more common. Ben Affleck (of all people) saw this and thought, I’mma get ahead of this before it gets ahead of me.

And now Netflix are paying him millions for the foresight.

“Welcome to JuraXic Park!”

As if he hadn’t learned the lesson from any of the seven movies, two animated TV shows, twenty-nine comic books, one-hundred-and-twelve video games and one pair of novelty Jurassic World Washing Up Gloves… ELON MUSK is forging ahead with building his very own Jurassic Park/World.

That’s of course if his joke Tweets are intended to be taken entirely literally, which this braindead clickbait writer assumes is true.

Here’s what Elon actually said:

Elon jurassic park tweet — He’s not even saying he’d be the one to do it guys…

That’s right, we’re at the point in the news cycle where a six-word joke retweet from Elon Musk is headline worthy. Thanks UniLadTechDotCom!

Knowing full well there wasn’t really a story here, Harry Boulton (not naming names here) needed to pad out his word count for ‘the Lad’ so spent the first three paragraphs saying, “Elon is the richest man, he could probably afford Jurassic Park” but using different words.

No shade Harry, I’m also padding like crazy right now. Game recognise game.

Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Elon made a joke. That’s the news. You can go home now.

But if you’re going to stick around, I’ll indulge the concept. Is is possible to bring back dinosaurs? Well, kind of. We for sure have the tech to make a dino-shaped genetically modified chicken. Something that publications like WallStMemes and UniLad wouldn’t hesitate to call dinosaurs, just like when the world was duped into thinking the dire wolves had returned in what was just some extra fluffy pups in a PR stunt.

Could those turkey-dinosaur genetic monstrosities then populate a zoo-type theme park? Yeah, maybe? But I bet you anything they wouldn’t be able to reproduce, would be riddled with genetic diseases and would just wilt and die very quickly. Throw enough money at the project and maybe it could keep going for a bit but you’re making a loss here and that’s just not sustainable is it?

So no, I don’t think it’s possible. I don’t care if it’s a joke, Elon, you got my hopes up!

Idk, can they compete with China?

NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang is hyping up his company’s upcoming appearance at GTC next month saying that this chip is so amazing, no one’s ever seen it before, etc. etc. I mean, it’s just hype, right? There’s not really a story here? ‘BREAKING NEWS: CEO says own company is good’… like, OK.

And maybe something’s been lost in translation here, but it took a little digging to actually find this quote and when I did, it was a different quote. And I know this isn’t the biggest story, like, it doesn’t really matter what he said, but I just found it interesting that this quote has been parroted across ex-Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and a bunch of actual publications without any sources listed.

I finally found the original interview and it’s in Korean, which I don’t speak, but the auto translate says that he said he’ll unveil, “A chip that will surprise the world will be unveiled at GTC next month.”

And OK, maybe the Korean words for these phrases can be interpreted a bunch of different ways, but I feel like “a chip that will surprise the world” is different from a chip that “the world has never seen before.” Idk who’s translating this or whatever but I’m just trying to say it’s crazy that you can have this quote spread like wildfire, without any sources and potentially it might be slightly wrong?

Wait, isn’t this an article about Nvidia and chips and stuff?

Sure, again, thankfully this is a pretty unimportant story, but imagine what else you’re seeing that could also be misquoted, misrepresented, etc. etc.

We all know that the internet is still a wild west, we all know it can’t be trusted, but we do still use it every single day, and I’m just looking out for you friend. Be careful out there. Who knows what lies you might be facing. Be careful who you listen to. Be wary of who you trust.

So this is purely unsubstantiated rumor, but it does come from journalist Jonathan Alter, who’s pretty credible. According to him, good sources tell him that Republicans are due to speak up and shoot down the Netflix bid for Warner Brothers on antitrust grounds.

This would pave the way for Paramount Skydance to snap up the studio instead (and everyone who cried antitrust will be suddenly silent). But why do the politicians care? Well, it’s because they/Trump wants influence over CBS News, CNN and HBO etc., the influence to shape opinions and hold onto power.

It’s all very brazen…

We already know the Ellisons are chummy with Trump and although he’s said he won’t interfere, this is Donald ‘I will interfere’ Trump we’re talking about here. Trump met with David Ellison days before saying he won’t “be involved” and days after that statement in bought $1 million in Netflix and Warner Bros bonds.

Jesus Christ, this is just pure corruption. Why the hell are politicians and presidents allowed to invest and make money off their insider knowledge anyway?

And this isn’t to mention Trump siccing his DoJ on Netflix to investigate them for antitrust. As ‘dealbreaker.com’ puts it well: “The Trump DOJ’s pretense is that they’re just suddenly really concerned about media consolidation and monopoly power (you’re to ignore the U.S. right wing’s generational and indisputable quest to coddle and protect monopoly power across telecom, energy, air travel, banking, and countless other industries).”

Because yeah, this is a massive antitrust issue. Warner Brothers simply shouldn’t be bought by Netflix or Paramount. Warner Brothers shouldn’t have been allowed to merge with Discovery. Disney shouldn’t have been allowed to buy Fox. Hell, how come these companies all own their own streaming services? They control every aspect of the market, isn’t that what antitrust is supposed to stop??

But the thing is, Trump et al don’t care about antitrust. They say they do when it suits them, but if Paramount gets in front again suddenly antitrust won’t be a question.

This is cronyism and corruption of the most blatant and it needs to be called out at every opportunity.

And I’m not even bringing up CBS dropping Colbert interviewing a Democrat.

Can we just stop with all of this, please?

In maybe the highest payout in the history of tech startups ever, OpenAI is paying its workers stock compensation worth $1.5 million dollars ON AVERAGE. And I know things have gotten intense with tech companies poaching workers from each other, but this is actually crazy.

The situation is that OpenAI is gearing up for probably the biggest IPOs in history and wants its workers on board by offering a massive cut of that stock selloff. With a rough valuation of $830 billion last round, the company is poised to unload to its 4,000 employees stocks worth about $1.5 million each.

And how much are you earning currently?

Whenever stories like this come out I feel sorry for the people who just missed the cut off. Like, there must be a cut off somewhere, I think it’s two years? What if you joined just a little too late? Or maybe you’re not contracted but you basically work there full time? What about the poor janitor who’s going to watch everyone around them come in the next day with Lambos whilst they’re stuck driving a battered Pontiac.

But this is rare at least. The next closest example is Google’s IPO in the 2000s, but employees in that case won just a sixth of what OpenAI’s doing.

Add on top of this, OpenAI salaries start at $200,000 and don’t even require a degree, there’s a small group of people who are making bank from this non-profit.

But the question remains, why on earth would you stay after this payout? Sure, everyone’s going to invest in OpenAI, but the moment they do it’s going to have an exodus of newly minted engineers and OpenAI might have a brain-drain.

Did you think about that? Huh? HUH?

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Not like, ‘explode’ explode, I mean explode in a good way…

To da moon!

SpaceX? More like, SpaceXcusetogetmoremoneyoffpeople

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