Bill Fold | Wall Street Memes

Let’s be honest, who among us hasn’t wondered if Fort Knox is just a giant, heavily guarded empty room filled with spray-painted bricks and old copies of The Wall Street Journal? Well, Donald Trump is officially on the case, and he’s demanding someone finally open the damn door.

According to actual news sources, Trump hopped onto Truth Social to declare it is officially “TIME TO AUDIT FORT KNOX”. This sudden urge to go count America’s lunch money didn’t just come out of nowhere. It was triggered by the absolutely wild arrest of David Rush, a former senior CIA official who was allegedly found casually chilling with over 300 stolen federal gold bars worth $40 million, alongside $2 million in cash and 35 luxury watches at his house.

CIA? More Like, Caught In the Act, Am I Right?

Naturally, finding a massive pile of government-branded “black budget” shiny metal in a guy’s basement raised a few questions. Specifically: Uh, where exactly did he get that, and is there any left for the rest of us? Trump, who has been teasing a Fort Knox field trip with Elon Musk since 2025, decided he’s seen enough. In a recent interview, he admitted they’ve been playing with the idea of knocking on the door just “to see whether or not we have any gold in there”. He even added, “I wonder if they left the gold in Fort Knox, because they steal a lot”.

You can’t really blame him for wanting to double-check the math, considering the US gold reserves haven’t had a proper independent physical audit since 1974. That’s over 50 years of “trust me, bro” from the federal government.

All That Glitters Is… Well, Hopefully Still in Kentucky

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent was quick to play the ultimate party pooper, insisting that all the gold is perfectly accounted for and even inviting members of Congress to come take a peek themselves. Meanwhile, gold bugs and sound-money advocates are practically foaming at the mouth, pushing for Congress to fast-track the Gold Reserve Transparency Act to find out what’s really going on behind those hyper-fortified walls.

Will we get a live-streamed video of Trump and Elon counting gold bars like Scrooge McDuck, or will the government keep the vault locked tight? Only time will tell.

“Welcome to the CIA! Here’s your gun, your badge, and $40mil in gold bars.”

Apparently, if you work in the CIA, you can just request gold bars as “work-related expenses,” and they’ll just give them to you? Man, I might need to change careers…

…the only catch is you have to give them back.

Agent David Rush learned this the hard way when FBI investigators discovered 303 two-pound gold bars, $2 million in cash, and 35 luxury watches, some of them Rolexes, stashed in his home and promptly arrested him.

It remains unclear whether Rush stacked the bars in a Jenga-type tower or built a small golden throne that he could sit on.

But Rush’s misdirection goes even deeper, seemingly lying about his education and military service on his job application (STOLEN VALOR!!), enabling him to take military leave with thousands of dollars in pay (STOLEN HOURS!!).

I don’t know, guys, if he could lie about this, I feel like this makes him a good spy. Give him a promotion.

Rush tried to run, but despite his name, he was slowed down by all the gold bars in his pocket.

Rush was caught after the CIA snitched on him (goddam narcs) and alerted the FBI in a pretty sick crossover episode.

“After a CIA internal investigation identified potential violations of the law, CIA Director John Ratcliffe referred the information to the FBI for a law enforcement investigation,” the entire FBI said all at once like a hive mind.

As the court documents explain, between November 2025 and March 2026, Rush made several requests “to obtain a significant quantity of foreign currency and tens of millions of dollars in gold bars for work-related expenses.”

Yep, completely normal requests. Nothing suspicious there.

But then, when the CIA wanted those gold bars back, they were “unable to locate the gold bars or significant amounts of the foreign currency,” nor could they find “any record of Rush providing information to his employer regarding the disposition of the currency or gold bars that he received for work-related purposes.”

Awkward.

And doubly awkward when this agent had top secret clearance and access to classified information.

What else has this guy been stealing? The Epstein Files? Evidence of ALIENS?? Quickly, lock this guy up. Oh, you have? OK, great.

Rush awaits a hearing this week. Stay tuned to see how this (gold) pans out.

Meta? I hardly know her!

Meta has revealed it had the business plan of a drug dealer all along. Offer your products initially for free, and then, when the users are hooked, you jack up the price.

Well, Meta has basically half the world hooked, reaching 3.58 billion active users last December. So now that WhatsApp and Instagram have become essential (sorry, who uses Facebook?), Meta can start charging, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

BUT DON’T WORRY! This doesn’t mean everyone will be charged; no, Meta is just creating another paid tier in the apps that will allow extra features.

Instagram Plus and Facebook Plus will cost $3.99 a month each, while WhatsApp Plus will be $2.99 a month.

So what exactly will you get for just the price of a cup of coffee a month? Well, Instagram and Facebook Plus subscribers will now be able to see everyone who’s viewed their stories, spotlight one story a week for more views, extend story time, preview stories, and browse other people’s story viewership.

Useful stuff.

Oh, and there’s also animated reactions, customisable app icons and fonts, and additional pins. Basically, Fortnite skins are coming to Instagram.

WhatsApp is a similar story with app themes, custom ringtones, additional pinned chats, premium stickers, and probably more.

It’s not much, and it’s mostly cosmetic, but maybe fits the price point if you’re using these features as a professional rather than a regular user.

Certainly, these features could just be rolled out to all users for free, but Meta somewhat desperately needs another revenue stream at the moment. After shutting down development on its cash-draining VR sector, Meta is now going all in on AI and needs the cash to do so.

And that’s where the paid AI plans start coming into play.

You still with me?

We’ve got Meta One Plus at $7.99 a month and then Meta One Premium at $19.99 a month with a higher capacity. Meta AI will remain free.

The business model makes sense as it’s essentially what all the AI companies are doing right now (you have to pay for this somehow).

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!

Meta One Essential is just $14.99 a month and offers an upgraded version of the Meta Verified plan. But the Meta One Advanced plan is all of that plus a boost to feed rankings and a push to get people to follow you. And that’s on offer for the low, low price of $49.99.

Meta has said that more features and plans will roll out over time, but until then, it looks like social media just became pay-to-win.

It’s been a running joke for a long time: “If athletes keep cheating in the Olympics, why don’t we just have an Olympics for cheaters?”

It conjures images of sprinters hitting a line just before hitting the 100m or a high jumper getting actually high before jumping high.

Well, now bro’s only gone and made it happen.

Yes, the ‘Enhanced Games’ was a genuine sporting event that took place last week in Las Vegas. The event ran much like the multi-event Olympics, but this time, forbidden doping techniques like steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs were completely fair game.

Athletes were not required to take a drug test, but that didn’t mean everything was allowed. Competitors could not use actually illegal substances; all ‘enhancements’ had to be FDA-approved and taken under medical supervision.

Athletes are also not required to take drugs, and some were competing ‘clean’, without enhancements.

The promoters say that doping is so rife in regulated sport anyway, the Enhanced Games simply offer a more transparent, fairer alternative.

Detracters however, argue that this promotes potentially dangerous drug use and that this could promote unrealistic standards for athletes.

And the thing is, on that promotion point, the critics seem to be absolutely right because, for all the talk about fairness, ‘Enhanced’ is also selling supplements and steroids on their site. So is this all just a giant advertisement?

Either way, it seems to have been at least initially successful. The company went public just before the first event and earned a valuation of $1.2 billion, attracting massive investments from Peter Thiel and Donald Trump Jr.

It’s a massive windfall for the founder of the games, Australian businessman Aron D’Souza. D’Souza first got his break when Hulk Hogan slept with Bubba The Love Sponge’s wife and supported the lawsuit that ended in the bankruptcy of Gawker Media. (I’m not joking, look it up.)

D’Souza says he got the idea after observing the blatant use of steroids by people at his gym. He explained that athletes “have a right to do with their body what they wish – my body, my choice; your body, your choice, and no government, no paternalistic sports federation, should be making those decisions for athletes – particularly around products that are FDA regulated and approved.”

“If we cut out all the waste, the layers of bureaucracy, the needless building of infrastructure, this event can be delivered for virtually nothing, and we can use all the surplus profits to pay the athletes, to invest in R&D, build better and better technology, and build a bigger and bigger event.”

Well, D’Souza got his wish, and the controversial event seems to have gone by without a hitch, even breaking one world record in swimming.

Of course, that record hasn’t been officially recognised, but maybe in the near future we’ll see every sporting world record come with a little asterix clarifying if it’s ‘clean’ or ‘enhanced’.

They Don’t Call Him ‘Fast Fingers Donald’…

Donald (the President) Trump has traded stocks more than 3,700 times in the first quarter of this year, averaging 59 trades a day, 9 trades an hour and one trade every seven minutes.

Now you might be wondering, how does he find the time? What if he needs to go to sleep, or eat, or join a step aerobics class that takes longer than seven minutes?

Well, as Vice President, JD Vance explained in a White House press briefing, “The president doesn’t sit at the Oval Office on his computer on his, like, Robinhood account, buying and selling stocks. That’s absurd. He has independent wealth advisors who manage his money. He is a wealthy person. He has had success in business. He’s not making these stock trades himself.”

And Vice Vance is right, he doesn’t manage his portfolio directly. Instead, a third party of independent execs manages Donald’s accounts.

“Neither President Trump, his family, nor The Trump Organization plays any role in selecting, directing, or approving specific investments,” said a spokesperson for the family business. “They receive no advance notice of trading activity and provide no input regarding investment decisions or portfolio management.”

But still, this hasn’t stopped reporters and pundits from pointing out some pretty interesting links between some of the President’s trades.

Pelosi Who?

For example, a $6 million investment in Nvidia goes alongside Trump approving the sale of chips to China last year. And then there are the stocks he holds in Lockheed Martin, General Dynamics, and Northrop Grumman that were directly impacted by the Iran war.

In March, Trump’s portfolio expanded its share in Palantir. Then, in April, Trump tweeted an X on Truth Social, saying, “Palantir Technologies (PLTR) has proven to have great war fighting capabilities and equipment. Just ask our enemies!!! President DJT.”

Ooh, he even included the ticker.

But hey, lots of people were hyping up Palantir at the time, again, this might just be a coincidence.

If anything, Vance/Vice says Trump is actively against this sort of thing. “All of us believe that nobody should be taking proprietary information gained from public service and buying and selling stocks,” he said.

“We want to ban that process. And I think the way to lead by example is banning that process, banning that approach, and making it illegal, which is exactly what the president has proposed doing.”

Fun fact: Bezos is almost an anagram of ‘zero’

The fourth-richest man, and notable Amazonian, Jeffrey Preston Bezos has called for zero federal income tax for the bottom half of earners. Aw, thanks!

Squawking on CNBC’s ‘Squawk Box’, Jeff spoke on a number of topics from Blue Origin to his favorite brand of shampoo. But touching on wealth inequality, Bezos talked about how his parents came up from poverty (not the unicycling hockey player… look it up), but now many Americans today face roadblocks to doing this in the form of taxation.

“We can give them a better chance by eliminating their tax bill,” Bezos explained. “I don’t want to reduce it, I want to eliminate it. I think there’s something very powerful about ‘zero’. Zero is a better number than one dollar. We’re ‘free shipping’ at Amazon, not 25 cents shipping. When people are starting out and struggling, stop taxing them.”

Jeff went on to lay out how the top 1% of taxpayers pay about 40% of all the tax revenue, while the lower half of workers pay 3% of the tax.

“I don’t think it should be 3%,” Bezos said. “I think it should be zero.”

“We shouldn’t be asking this nurse in Queens to send money to Washington. They should be sending her an apology. It really makes no sense.”

BREAKING: 0 and 3 are two different numbers

Although Bezos didn’t say if he would advocate politically for such a change, his comments do come as several lawmakers are exploring the possibility of such a tax reduction.

“No income tax on the first $75,000 families earn would be a game changer for working people,” said Senator Corey Booker in a legislative proposal. “This tax cut would immediately put more money in your pocket every month to deal with the high price of everyday expenses, an unexpected emergency, or to plan for the future.”

Such reforms would impact the 76 million households in the bottom half of earners. On average, these earners paid $913 in taxes in 2023. Although adding on refundable tax credits, the bottom 40% of taxpayers effectively paid no income tax anyway, according to Erica York, vice president of federal tax policy for the Tax Foundation.

Needless to say, America’s tax system is not as straightforward as it looks, but what is true is that we’re in a “K-shaped economy,” so called because it’s not OK. Lower-income families are disproportionately affected by inflation and increasing costs. The tax bill is just the cherry on top.

Jeff might pay a higher tax rate, but he seems to understand that it just gets harder the further below that 1% you go. But for now, it’s just talk, and it doesn’t look like we’ll be seeing his policy enacted anytime soon.

Google And SpaceX To Launch Orbital AI Datacenter “Project Suncatcher” Next Year, Here’s Everything We Know

Google recently announced that it is in discussion with SpaceX to launch Project Suncatcher, which is not an evil scheme from a supervillain, but instead an orbital data center.

An orbital data center might also sound like an evil scheme from a supervillain, but it is in fact a network of “solar-powered satellites equipped with its Tensor Processing Units into an orbital AI cloud.”

SpaceX and Google: Unlikely Crewmates

Elon Musk and Google have had their beef in the past, specifically with the founding of OpenAI, which was built as a direct rival to Google’s AI plans. But as the old saying goes, “my enemy’s enemy is still my enemy unless we’re building the future of AI together, and then we’re friends.”

Elon has also struck up a collaboration with Anthropic to use SpaceX’s Colossus 1 computing facility, but also because of this orbital datacenter idea. SpaceX has the one thing these tech companies don’t: rockets. Except for Amazon, they’ve got Blue Origin.

And Elon very much wants to lock in these deals to push the tech frontier into space because SpaceX’s potentially very lucrative IPO is coming up, and being seen as the shovel maker for this current AI gold rush can only make you more valuable.

The vision couldn’t be clearer than when Elon merged SpaceX with xAI to make Spacexxai, sorry, I meant to say, the much less sexy: SpaceXAI.

So, will Project Suncatcher eventually have liftoff? Is extra-terrestrial AI computing really the future of tech? Or is this idea destined to remain science fiction?

Well, we won’t know for a while, but what we do know is that Elon and Google’s answers are a massive: yes, yes and no (in that order).

That’s a great question, thanks for asking…

Anthropic! The minds behind your best friend, Claude, have just unveiled 10 finance-first AI tools, and so, in no particular order, here are our:

TOP TEN FINANCE-FIRST AI TOOLS UNVEILED BY ANTHROPIC:

Pitch builder, which, wait, let me guess, builds pitches?
Meeting preparer, err, does it… prepare meetings?
Earnings reviewer, reviews earnings, I presume?
Model builder, OK, it builds models. I get it.
Market researcher, it RESEARCHES MARKETS. I understand.
Valuation reviewer, reviews valuations, yes. I know. Are they all going to be named like this?
General ledger, I’m understanding the pattern now. It ledges generals.
Month-end closer, closes the month-end? What? What are you talking about?
Statement auditor, audits statements. OK, I think I know what that means…
KYC screener, KYC is ‘know your customer’, so this tool screens know your customers. Yeah. That makes sense.

Pretty useful stuff. Well, presumably useful if you’re a bank or other financial entity. And apparently these tools work across Excel, PowerPoint, Word, Microsoft 365 and Outlook (but not yet, hold your horses, they’re still working on that one).

But the question remains: is AI the future of finance? Well, that’s a great question, thanks for asking, but of course, we won’t know until the future arrives. Anthropic certainly thinks so, but they are an AI company, so they would say that.

A better question (but in much worse English) might be, is AI the present of finance? And to that the answer is: yes.

AI has already had a massive influence on the financial world, not only with the economic impact of the ballooning tech sector, but in the application of AI tools in finance. Trading and investment, underwriting, auditing, and anti-money laundering have all made use of bespoke AI tools.

In fact, finance was one of the first sectors to embrace machine learning technologies, beginning way back in 1987, “When Security Pacific National Bank launched a fraud prevention task-force to counter the unauthorized use of debit cards.” At least that’s according to my buddy John Wiki Pedia.

So AI has very much been a part of the finance world’s past and present. If you had to guess, it seems a safe bet to say AI will be part of finance’s future too.

TLDR: Yes.

The world’s richest man, Elon ‘The World’s Richest Man’ Musk, has announced that his AI company xAI will completely merge with his rocket company SpaceX to form the obviously-named ‘Xaispace’.

Sorry, no, I got that mixed up…

Since xAI already merged with ‘the social media platform formerly known as Twitter’ (X), the new company will acknowledge this legacy and be named SpaceXX(formerly known as Twitter)xAI. Or SpaceXXXAI for short.

Except… that domain is already taken by an incredibly not safe for work website, so we’re just going to go with SpaceXAI for now.

Is that all clear?

Great. Now, you might be asking, what do AI and space have in common? Well, other than both being a soulless void, space could easily be the next frontier for AI investment. You see, if no one in Texas wants an AI datacenter, we have to look somewhere else that has lots of space.

And there’s only one space with more space than Texas:

Space.

Yes, the grand plan is to deploy orbital datacenters to handle Earth’s growing AI usage. And if that all sounds like science fiction, well, it is until it happens, but Blue Origin and Microsoft are all looking in the same direction:

Up. (Space.)

We’ll just have to wait and see how this merger will affect SpaceX’s upcoming IPO but if things stay on track, SpaceX is due for a massive $1.75 TRILLION valuation with a little bit of xAI sprinkled in to sweeten the deal.

Sorry, sorry, I said ‘SpaceX’ again. Old habits. I MEANT to say:

SPACEXX(THE SOCIAL MEDIA FORMER KNOWN AS TWITTER)XAI/TESLA/GROK/DOGEIMUSMAXIMUS

In a collab advert (a ‘collad’ if you will), FOX Sports, FOX One and Indeed are doing a cross promotion to promote their separate services across each other, promotionally.

The advert is billed as “a nationwide search to fill the position of “FOX One Chief World Cup Watcher Hired Through Indeed” – a dream job for cultural moment fanatics across the country.” Well, as a ‘cultural moment fanatic’ myself, this sounds very exciting indeed.

And to add to the excitement, this is being billed as a real job paying a massive $50,000 salary to watch all 104 matches across the 39-day tournament. The winner will be tasked with live-streaming the World Cup from “their personal office – a custom-built, dream viewing space in the heart of New York City’s Times Square.”

And all using the FOX One streaming platform, of course.

How To Apply

So first, you need to have an Indeed profile or make one (and there’s the rub).

Set it to “employers can find you.”

Then post a video on social media explaining why you’re right for the job with the hashtag #ChiefWorldCupWatcher.

So, you know, how you’d apply for any other definitely real job.

And If You Get The Role…

…It’s going to be an interesting one to put on the resume.

“Now I’m seeing a gap in your employment history here: it just says ‘watched the soccer’?”

“Oh, no, that was a job. A real job Hired Through Indeed™. I was paid $50,000 to sit on the couch and watch soccer for a month. It was real, I didn’t dream it, I swear!”

Though to be fair, at least one person’s getting paid. How many people have been doing this for free every World Cup, like a sucker? All this time, you could have been earning a fortune? Who knew.

Do you think they can backdate these payments…?

Latest news

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