2026 | Wall Street Memes

Idk, probably because he already bought it?

So yeah, it seems crazy that a man as wealthy and powerful as Jeffrey H. Bezos hasn’t had a pay rise since 1998 and doesn’t even take bonuses. But it’s all just shuffling money around isn’t it?

Sure, he takes a nominal salary and can claim to be the better man for it but Amazon pays about $1.6 million in security and travel on Bezos but the CRUCIALLY Jeff is sitting on 8% of Amazon stock worth hundreds of billions.

Yeah, it’s actually quite straightforward, really. I mean, this guy is the third richest person in the world, worth $250 billion, did you really think he was relying on that Christmas Bonus to make ends meet?

Jeff bezos earnings — He doesn’t need it guys, he really, really doesn’t need it.

Yeah, the Bezos family mansion complex will be fine

As the SEC filing explains, “Mr. Bezos requested not to receive additional compensation and has never received annual cash compensation in excess of his current amount. Due to Mr. Bezos’s substantial stock ownership, he believes he is appropriately incentivized and his interests are appropriately aligned with shareholders’ interests.”

Not going to lie, that’s fair play.

Jeff gets compensated when the company’s doing well. He personally invested in the company succeeding. He doesn’t need an insanely high default amount of money that he can rely on even if he lets Amazon go down the tube.

I’m looking at you, Zaslov…

As revealed in a recent quarterly report, Tesla secretly invested $2 billion dollars in money into their sister company SpaceX and now it’s got everyone talking about the possibility of a merger.

The suggestion comes ahead of SpaceX’s upcoming potential $2 trillion IPO in June and bolting a Tesla to that rocket might just help the EV maker’s slumping finances.

Tesla has already pivoted away from its core product of EVs into robots for some reason so maybe just one pivot into rockets isn’t that big a stretch?

Other than sharing the same business daddy, however, there’s not much similarity between the auto-manufacturer and the rocket manufacturer. But that was the only connection between SpaceX and xAI and that merger still went ahead.

It’s just easier, isn’t it? He’ll only need one email address, only need to take half the meetings and can finally just refer to everything as ‘X’.

Which brings us to the most important question. What is this company going to be called?

Well there’s a few options, let’s rank them below in order of which ones I think are the most likely to happen:

5. Tespacexaila

You get all the names in there but it doesn’t really roll off the tongue, does it?

4. Tesla x SpaceX

Boring corporate merger name. Leads with your inferior product. No thanks.

3. Just SpaceX

It’s what they did with xAI. Maybe it’ll help. Tesla’s on the downward slide so just do away with it.

2. X

Smart, sleek, impossible to google and infinitely confusing. It didn’t work with Twitter so it probably won’t work here but it seems to be Elon’s ultimate goal so I bet that’s what’ll happen.

1. The New World Order

Let’s be honest, that’s what the whole scheme is about right? Consolidate company after company, power after power until at last you have a New World Order carved in your own image. Today, electric vehicles, tomorrow, the world!

Donald Trump has spoken out about Tim Cook stepping down from his position as Apple CEO in a long-winded Truth Social post that honestly reads like a high schooler’s secret diary entry.

Here’s the post in full:

Dear Diary, “I have always been a big fan of Tim Cook, and likewise, Steve Jobs, but if Steve was not taken from the Planet Earth so young, and ran the company instead of Tim, the company would have done well, but nowhere near as well as it has under Tim. For me it began with a phone call from Tim at the beginning of my First Term. He had a fairly large problem that only I, as President, could fix. Most people would have paid millions of dollars to a consultant, who I probably would not have known, but who would say that he knew me well. The fees would be paid but the job would not have gotten done. When I got the call I said, wow, it’s Tim Apple (Cook!) calling, how big is that? I was very impressed with myself to have the head of Apple calling to “kiss my ass.” Anyway, he explained his problem, a tough one it was, I felt he was right and got it taken care of, quickly and effectively. That was the beginning of a long and very nice relationship. During my five years as President, Tim would call me, but never too much, and I would help him where I could. Years latter, after 3 or 4 BIG HELPS, I started to say to people, anyone who would listen, that this guy is an amazing manager and leader. He makes these calls to me, I help him out (but not always, because he will, on occasion, be too aggressive in his ask!), and he gets the job done, QUICKLY, without a dime being given to those very expensive (millions of dollars!) consultants around town who sometimes get it done, and sometimes don’t. Anyway, Tim Cook had an AMAZING career, almost incomparable, and will go on and continue to do great work for Apple, and whatever else he chooses to work on. Quite simply, Tim Cook is an incredible guy!!! President DONALD J. TRUMP”

Man, Truth Social’s content is really verging on LinkedIn levels here.

But anyway, to break it down, you’ve got the classic platitudes, but crucially those compliments keep Trump as the only one who could help out Tim Apple. There’s also the paradoxical fawning over Cook’s celebrity, “When I got the call I said, wow, it’s Tim Apple (Cook!) calling, how big is that?”

Again, though, I guess the bigger he makes Tim seem the bigger Trump is because Cook came to him like he’s the Godfather.

On top of all this is the strange news that Tim Cook is only stepping down as CEO but remaining at Apple as Executive Chairman. One of his primary roles will be serving as liaison to the White House and the President. So, why all the tears and the long goodbye then?

Oh well, I’m just glad they could stay friends.

In case it wasn’t clear by now, Elon Musk is just a hype man.

The richest man in the world will jump on whatever’s popular, talk some shit about it (I mean in a good way, like, puff it up) and the stock price will go up and then Elon will just move on to the next thing.

Doesn’t matter if there’s any truth behind his claims (this is a guy who says we’re all in a simulation, don’t forget), so long as his net worth keeps going up.

He’s employed this technique with whatever field he casts his eye on, space exploration, transportation, robotics, social media and now AI. And annoyingly, it works. Because we’re all forced to pay attention to the king’s rantings.

So the latest episode in this rather boring story is that someone said on X that Ai could generate GTA6 and Elon said “yeah” and then to another post, “You won’t even have to ask. AI will figure what video game you’d like best.”

And come on, does anyone believe this guy any more? According to him we should be on Mars by now.

But now Strauss Zelnick, the CEO of GTA’s publisher, Take-Two referenced Musk and AI at a technology conference, saying, “If AI were going to get rid of employment, the richest man on Earth, Elon Musk, knows a little something about AI, last time I checked.”

“He has unlimited financial resources, and he has unlimited human resources, and he has, apparently, an unlimited number of ideas. He knows his way around AI.”

“The man works 20 hours a day. If AI were going to take anyone’s job, wouldn’t it take his job? The richest guy on Earth, wouldn’t that be job number one for AI to take? Why is he so busy? By the way, why am I working harder than ever despite the fact that I’ve totally accepted AI into every part of my life?”

Ok, I’m not really sure what point he’s trying to make there, but it feels like a clap back, right? LIke, Elon said GTA could be AI generated and the CEO of GTA said that AI would take Elon’s job, right? We can chalk that up as a clap back, right?

Well, whatever, it’s all just fuel for Elon’s AI hype train anyway, so I hope you are all enjoying the ride.

GTA6 is due for release in 2056.

Leading AI developer, Anthropic, have admitted that hackers have broken into their Mythos model that’s supposedly so powerful no one’s allowed to access it.

“We’re investigating a report claiming unauthorised access to Claude Mythos Preview through one of our third-party vendor environments,” said Anthropic.

This is because initially only a few companies were allowed to access the model, for testing purposes ONLY but a handful of unnamed users in a private online forum broke in at the same time using access as a third-party contractor.

Thankfully the group haven’t done any damage, it just looks like they’re only interesting in “playing around” with the tech. Bit weird.

But it’s still super worrying. If there’s a leak, idk, but maybe someone should plug it up sometime soon?

Because Anthropic’s Mythos is going to be the skeleton key for so many cybersecurity systems going forward. Mythos can detect software flaws faster than humans but it can also create those flaws and then exploit them.

And the guardrails won’t be much help either because Mythos is so powerful that in one instance, Mythos contacted an Anthropic worker directly to reveal security, going way against its programming.

“This feels like the discovery of fire: a force that can profoundly improve our lives or, if mishandled, cause real harm across the digital world,” said cyber intelligence director, Rafe Pilling.

You said it, boss.

And it’s only getting worse. Cyber attacks were up 89% in 2025, crypto just had a massive hack and there’s fears of quantum computing on the horizon busting this whole thing wide open.

So who knows what will happen but if the internet suddenly becomes insecure, make sure to log on to Wall Street Memes Dot Com to find out why.

Shares in Amazon just jumped up a massive 3% after they announced plans to increase their total investment in Anthropic to $25 billion.

Currently it’s only (‘only’, lol) $5 billion but if certain conditions are met that’ll get bumped up by $20 billion… as you do.

The news comes as part of Anthropic’s commitment to spend a $100 billion on chips and up to 5 gigawatts of computing power from Amazon AND IN NO WAY SIGNIFYS A BUBBLE.

On the other side of the ropes (?), Anthropic’s main rival, OpenAI has cozied up to Microsoft and Google for their money/power needs.

In February this year, OpenAI and Anthropic raised more that $150 billion dollars in money, the largest private investment period in the history of tech.

There’s more to this story, probably but that’s the gist of it and it’s kind of boring, right? Like, it’s a bit dry. Numbers, numbers, numbers, business, business, business. BORING.

Wanna see something really cool? Look at this:

*does really cool backflip*

Yeah, pretteee sweet. Took me a long time to learn that. Do you want me to show you how to do it? It’s real simple, all you have to is throw your head back violently, throw your hands up and then just drop to the floor. Go on, give it a try.

*you do a really shit backflip and it’s really embarrassing and everyone laughs at you*

OH! Oh shit, oh my god, I’m sorry, are you ok? That wasn’t a backflip, you literally just jumped backwards onto your neck. Oh my god, are you dead?

Oh shit. I think you might be dead.

Damn, you’ll never get to see if Anthropic reaches its commercial milestones and secures an extra $20 billion in funding from Amazon over time! Bummer.

…get a job at the White House.

The Big Guy Upstairs: Donald Trump has just been accused of insider trading by the BBC and everyone just let out a collective, “Ya, you think?”

Just to make the point clear we’ve already covered this here:

One Gambler Made $436,000 On Maduro Capture And It’s Looking Like They Knew Something We Didn’t

And here:

This Billion Dollar Bet On Oil Prices Falling Was Placed Just Hours Before Trump’s Ceasefire

And there are numerous other examples of trading spiking just before a big government announcement and every time it looks super shady.

The BBC has collated the top five examples in this handy article but just to run you through it here we’ve got:

March 9 when oil futures spiked just 45 minutes before Trump said that the conflict was “very complete, pretty much.”

March 23 when oil trades jumped minutes before Trump posted about peace talks.

April 9 last year when traders bet on the stock market going up just 18 minutes before Trump paused tariffs and lo and below, the stock market went up.

And then there’s the Maduro capture (we mentioned that) and the February 28 Iran strikes.

I’M JUST SAYING IT’S SUSPICIOUS GUYS.

I mean this is literally illegal but no one has been prosecuted since it was made illegal for lawmakers in 2012. It’s very likely nothing will happen here again.

In the largest DeFi exploit of the year (so far), hackers drained nearly $300 million from the staking platform Kelp DAO.

Simply put, the hackers tricked LayerZero’s bridge designed for blockchains to communicate with each other into believing it had received a valid instruction from another network and to release 116,500 rsETH (restaked Ether and 18% of supply) worth around $293 million.

Fine, that’s just Kelp that was hit, right?

Well, no.

The problem is that rsETH is such a popular staking token, so interwoven with the Ether market and the DeFi market as a whole that the broader ramifications are massive.

For example, Aave, the largest DeFi lending platform froze all rsETH markets to retain the damage, Lido paused deposits and reportedly rsETH was “just three minutes away from losing an additional $100 million,” Meir Dolev, the Cyvers Chief Technology Officer.

But we’re also seeing withdrawals in Solana and other cryptids, sorry, cryptos (can never get the verb ending right). Morpho, Sky and JupLend are all down.

Also there’s whatever this means: “The KelpDAO exploit (~$290M, is NOT a LayerZero protocol bug. It’s a configuration issue and a case study every project with a cross-chain token needs to look at today,” one technical breakdown by cryptogoblin (?) read.

So what, everything’s at risk, or what?

Well, despite what I implied in my title, that’s hopefully the end of this specific exploit, but it’s more the knockon effect. Combined with the massive $285 million Drift attack in April, morale in crypto is at an all time low, with some even saying this is the end of DeFi although.

Who knows the ramifications of this particular hit, but right now, I’m sorry, things aren’t looking so great in the world of crypto, bro.

Jingle jingle, look over here, JINGLE JINGLE.

What’s that? The Iran War, no, no, over here, looook, UFOs, you love UFOs: JINGLE JINGLE. Oop, no, those are the Epstein Files, you don’t want those how about the ‘UFO Files’ ooooh JINGLE JINGLE.

“We found many very interesting documents, I must say, and the first releases will begin very, very soon so you can go out and see if that phenomena is correct,” said Trump at a Turning Point USA rally.

As Reuters explains, “Trump in February directed U.S. agencies to start releasing government files on UFOs, unidentified aerial phenomena, and possible extraterrestrial life, citing strong public interest in the issue.”

As a final note, I’ll leave you with the ending of that short Reuters article. It’s so blunt and to the point and says everything that needs to be said, I love it.

“Trump, for his part, has said he also has not seen evidence of aliens and remains ⁠uncertain about their existence.”

“In recent years, the Pentagon has investigated reports of UFOs, and senior military leaders said in 2022 they found no evidence to ⁠suggest that aliens had visited Earth or crash-landed here.”

“A 2024 Pentagon report said U.S. government investigations since the end of World ⁠War Two had found no evidence of extraterrestrial technology and most sightings were misidentified ordinary objects and phenomena.”

Everyone Is Now a Hedge Fund

In a bold move that analysts are calling “either historic democratization or the final boss of financial Darwinism,” the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has officially scrapped the infamous Pattern Day Trader rule, instantly upgrading millions of retail investors from “financially protected citizens” to “unsupervised volatility enthusiasts.”

The rule, originally introduced after the dot-com crash to stop people from turning $3,000 into $0.17 before lunch, had required traders to maintain $25,000 in their accounts if they wanted to day trade freely.

Now? That barrier is gone.

Your £412 account is spiritually equivalent to a hedge fund.

Robinhood Users Immediately Achieve Enlightenment (and Margin Calls)

Within minutes of the announcement, shares of retail brokerages like Robinhood and Webull surged, as investors celebrated the long-awaited right to lose money faster than ever before.

“I used to only be allowed three bad decisions per week,” said one trader while aggressively refreshing his app. “Now I can make unlimited bad decisions. This is what freedom feels like.”

SEC Replaces Rule With “Vibes-Based Risk Management”

Under the new framework, the old restrictions are replaced with “real-time risk-based margin requirements,” which experts say is just a more sophisticated way of saying:

“You can absolutely blow up your account, just do it responsibly.”

Officials clarified that instead of blocking traders outright, brokers will now monitor risk continuously, ensuring that users can experience losses in real time, rather than waiting for the system to catch up like it’s still 2001.

Critics Warn of “YOLO Inflation”

Some analysts worry the move could unleash a new era of hyperactive trading behavior, also known in academic literature as “pressing buttons very fast because line went up.”

Regulators acknowledged the concern but noted that retail traders were already doing this just slightly slower.

According to reports, the rule change could lead to a surge in “YOLO trades,” where investors deploy their entire net worth into options based on a tweet, a gut feeling, or a TikTok featuring a guy named “StonksWizard420.”

Wall Street Reacts: “Oh No… Anyway”

Institutional investors responded calmly, confirming they were “not worried at all” about competing with millions of newly empowered retail traders armed with:

4x intraday margin
Zero sleep
And a deeply personal belief that this time it’s different

Retail Traders Celebrate New Career Path: “Full-Time Intraday Philosopher”

Meanwhile, across the internet, traders are already adapting to the new regime.

“I’ve quit my job,” said one user. “I now trade full-time and study ancient stoic philosophy to cope with the consequences.”

Others are embracing the change more pragmatically.

“Before, I needed $25,000 to ruin my life,” another trader explained. “Now I can do it with $800. This is efficiency.”

SEC Final Statement: “Good Luck Everyone”

In a closing statement, the SEC emphasized that the goal of the rule change is to “level the playing field” and increase market access for everyday investors.

They then quietly added:

“We assume you know what you’re doing.”

Markets immediately priced in that you do not.

Disclaimer: This is satire. Your portfolio, however, is not.

Latest news

Goldman Sachs Says AI Has Taken 16,000 Jobs This Year, These Are The Sectors Hit Hardest

The Pope Invited Anthropic Co-founder To Rome, Then Said AI Could Enslave Us All… Here’s Why:

Trump Traded A Stock Every 7 Minutes In Q1 And Some Of His Moves Are Wild

Trump Suggests He Could “Run For Prime Minister” Of Israel, Here’s How Netanyahu Responded

Anthropic To Pay SpaceX $1.25 Billion A Month Until 2029 And The Reason Is Insane

Jeff Bezos Just Said The Bottom Half Of Workers Should Pay “Zero” Taxes But Will It Happen?

Idk, probably because he already bought it?

Yeah, the Bezos family mansion complex will be fine

Related Articles

Bill Fold •

Trump Traded A Stock Every 7 Minutes In Q1 And Some Of His Moves Are Wild

Ima Short • May 13, 2026

The Big Short’s Michael Burry Says Wall Street Is “Minutes” Away From “Bloody Car Crash”

Ima Short • May 5, 2026

Michael Burry Just Dropped His GameStop Position After They Made This One Wrong Move

Latest news

Goldman Sachs Says AI Has Taken 16,000 Jobs This Year, These Are The Sectors Hit Hardest

The Pope Invited Anthropic Co-founder To Rome, Then Said AI Could Enslave Us All… Here’s Why:

Trump Traded A Stock Every 7 Minutes In Q1 And Some Of His Moves Are Wild

Trump Suggests He Could “Run For Prime Minister” Of Israel, Here’s How Netanyahu Responded

Anthropic To Pay SpaceX $1.25 Billion A Month Until 2029 And The Reason Is Insane

Jeff Bezos Just Said The Bottom Half Of Workers Should Pay “Zero” Taxes But Will It Happen?

Bill Fold• April 23, 2026D

Jeff Bezos Was Only Paid A $81,400 Salary, Here’s How He Can Still Afford His $237m Mansion

Bill Fold• D

Jeff Bezos Was Only Paid A $81,400 Salary, Here’s How He Can Still Afford His $237m Mansion

Trending News